What I'm learning, and a dream revisited

What I'm thankful for - I've seen other people post "30 days of thanksgiving" in November on
Facebook, and I decided to do it this year (I'll sum it up in my 1000 gifts list, coming soon). But here are a few highlights: trips to Buffalo and Seattle. Getting to visit my stepdaughter, Stars (her screen name) and old friends.  My parents 50th anniversary.

What I'm struggling with - rising prices, B.'s hours at work cut back, realizing I can't afford some of the things I really want. I love to travel, but it's so expensive! B. and I were able to "piggyback" on my travel to Pittsburgh this fall for a conference for work; work paid for my plane ticket, so all we had to pay for was his plane ticket, a rental car and two nights hotel so that I could revisit my hometown, Buffalo and take B. around to all my old favorite places and visit some old friends. That short trip was a financial strain though. I realized then, we can't really afford to do this anymore.

What God is teaching me - I have this constant debate in my head: should I go back to work full time? I feel so blessed being able to work part time and home school, but it's hard to give up travel, and it's hard to give up little luxuries. For instance, I really want a new winter coat... I've had the same coat for 10 years now. (Good thing it's an LL Bean - it's still in incredible shape! Bean stuff lasts forever!) But other demands always come along: needing to get my daughter a winter coat, for instance. Or having to replace our printer. On the other hand, it's pretty awesome that whenever I really do need something it's always provided. That winter coat that Blaze needed? We found an absolutely gorgeous shearling coat for $10 at a consignment store. And as for giving up travel? Since Stars moved to Seattle this summer, we've been wanting to visit her, but we couldn't afford both the trip to Buffalo and to Seattle. But then the airlines gave B. a $500 voucher because his flight to Pittsburgh was overbooked and he got bumped to a later flight. And guess how much two tickets to Seattle cost? Yup, almost exactly $500. So we got to go to Seattle for a wonderful weekend visit with Stars. I just love how God works these things out.

It's hard as the financial strain increases,  but it's also amazing to see how God not only works it out to provide our needs, but even gives us our "wants" too, above and beyond needs.

Where I am in the Word - After a long stretch where I put aside Beth Moore's studies in order to study the Word on my own (1 and 2 Thessalonians), I'm now back to working through Beth Moore's "To Live is Christ" (the book of Acts).

Acts 23:10,11  And as a great dissension was developing, the commander was afraid Paul would be torn to pieces by them and ordered the troops to go down and take him away from them by force, and bring him into the barracks. But on the night immediately following, the Lord stood at his side and said, "Take courage; for as you have solemnly witnessed to My cause at Jerusalem, so you must witness at Rome also."

First of all, I'd never noticed before that simple statement, "the Lord stood at his side" and spoke to him. That gave me happy chills! Second of all, Beth Moore really challenged us to think about Paul's calling to Rome. Paul knew without a doubt that he would be God's witness at Rome; the Lord himself had stood beside him and told him! But he doesn't actually get to Rome for at least another two years, and then he arrived in chains. The study asked this question: 

"Can you think of something God revealed to you but that took years to fulfill?" 

I thought about this for a while, and then I remembered a dream I had about my parents, over 5 years ago.  In a nutshell, we were at a dinner with my parents, and a Christian friend of mine asked my parents if they knew Jesus. And they said they did! Even my father! And in the dream, I knew absolutely that they weren't just saying that; they really believed. They had saving faith. 

Was that dream a promise from God? I can't say absolutely for sure: but I CAN say it wasn't sent by Satan, that's for sure! I still have faith that this wonderful thing will happen: my parents will confess saving faith. I don't know if it will happen like it did in my dream, and I don't know WHEN it will happen... but I am going to stubbornly cling to my belief that it WILL happen, someday, somehow.

But faith can't just be passive. I need to share the Word with my parents. I haven't, for a whole year now, even though that last time I got to share with them was absolutely amazing! (the story of that is here) But it's time again now to put some action along with faith.  

James 2:21,22: But was not our father Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. 

In September and October, Blaze and Dreamer and I were reading Voice in the Wind, by Francine Rivers. That book is just amazing for raising good things to discuss with the girls about marriage, being unequally yoked, belief and sin, not to mention history (it's set after the fall of Jerusalem, in ancient Rome and Ephesus). It's one of my all time favorite books and I've read it at least 5 times now; the girls loved it too (and are begging me to read the sequel, now). At one point near the end as I was reading to the girls, a conversation between Marcus and Hadassah moved me to tears (pages 426-428, which is based on the story of guards at the tomb in Matthew 28, and how they were bribed). Marcus is trying to prove to Hadassah how useless her faith in her unseen God is. And meanwhile her heart is breaking as she sees how lost and unhappy he is. His arguments were ones my father would approve of: all the reasons why he thinks its foolish to believe in Christianity. To every Biblical defense Hadassah gave, Marcus had a smart and worldly answer. Until Hadassah turns to Marcus's dying father and asks him this: 

"If you stare into the sun and look away, you see the sun, my lord. If you stare at death, you see death. Where does hope lie?" 

His eyes flickered. He leaned back slowly. "I have no hope."

Marcus turned. He saw the dullness in his father's eyes, the pain etched in his face. Marcus was suddenly filled with deep shame. Maybe he had been wrong. Maybe it was better to have false hope than no hope at all.

This broke my heart, because my father is slowly dying of Parkinson's. He does not speak of it, but he must be looking at death: what hope does he have?  I have hope that transcends death, and I must keep sharing it with him. I keep praying for the courage to share, and praying for God to work His miracle, and lift the veil so my father can finally see the truth. 

My plan for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow is to share Isaiah 61:1-3 with my parents:

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, 
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of joy instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. 

What I'm reading-I haven't read anything on my own in November because it's NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) and I'm concentrating on my writing. But for school, I've been reading Anne of Green Gables to the girls (more about that below). In October I read C.S. Lewis's Letters to Children (I can't let a year go by without reading C.S. Lewis!) and I finished reading the Magician's Nephew to the girls as our bedtime story. (More great discussion with the girls about this story: saving that for my 1000 gifts list, coming soon)

What I'm writing -While I wait to hear back from four agents (!!!!) who requested pages of my science fiction manuscript (thanks to #pitmad and #pitchwars) I am keeping myself occupied by getting back to work on my very first of my four stories, my "baby." Here's what I wrote to my writing buddy N.L.W.:  "I'm really stuck on the Valley. Your first book is your hardest and man this book is hard. I have this vision in my head of what I want it to be, but I can't even fully articulate it much less write it. Good news though: I tried my old trick of journaling out my frustrations and it really helped. Right after that I started to get ideas again."

What's both hurt and helped me this month is that the girls and I have been reading Anne of Green Gable for school. It's hard to be reading such excellent literature (and I do consider it literature!) when you are struggling to write your own; everything I write comes out so weak in comparison. L.M. Montgomery's characters are so dramatic and real; even quiet Matthew shines. Her settings are  magical. Anne's rapturous descriptions still make me smile, and her escapades make us all laugh and make the girls beg me to keep reading! This book is really pushing me to make my book better: to really dig deep, to find my passion and pour it out. To really examine my characters and play their hearts out across the page; to really look at my settings and find not just the beauty, but the mood; and what the beauty means; what the moods mean.

What I'm anticipating - being home for Thanksgiving. I love to travel, but I also love to be at home!

What's inspiring me - Anne of Green Gables and my writing are inspiring me on my creative side. My bible study in Acts is providing spiritual inspiration. My Overeaters Anonymous group provides me with strength and inspiration in the physical realm. We now have 5 regular attendees!  One of them (J) shared last week about how compulsive eating fogs up his mind and puts him in survival mode, where it's all about him and he doesn't have anything left over for other people. But when he's eating mindfully, not compulsively, he finds both clarity of mind and delight in focusing on others. That is so true for me, too. Our greatest fulfillment comes not from pleasing ourselves, but from pleasing the others in our lives.

1000 gifts: a sunset rainbow

Finally catching up on all the blessings add to my 1000 gifts list. I write these on my calendar, and then as I have a chance I type them up to share here with more details, as a record for my family and another offering of thanksgiving to God. These are my blessing for November, 2013. And something I forgot to add to this my original list; over a year later I remembered some special things from our Thanksgiving in Kansas, staying at my sister-in-law's house in Goddard, near Wichita.

One of the last things the girls were able to do with Grandma B. before the cancer got too painful for her was making bead jewelry. Aunt Melissa and Aunt Crystal set up all their bead boxes and supplies, and Joy brought her set as well, and we all spent a couple afternoons with the girls helping them make necklaces, bracelets and earrings. (I made a set of earrings and a necklace, too). Then, after Thanksgiving when we were getting ready to leave, another surprise: Aunt Melissa gave Blaze her a jewelry making set, complete with tools and three large boxes of assorted beads - at least 100 different kinds of bead sets and separators and charms and jewels. And Aunt Crystal gave all four girls beautiful wooden jewelry boxes. But most precious of all was that time with Grandma B and our family.

723. Dreamer's "sunset rainbow"
Our living room has three full length windows facing west with a view of the Laramie valley and Snowy Range mountains in the distance - perfect place to view our magnificent Wyoming sunsets. One night Dreamer and I were looking at such a vibrant sunset that Dreamer said it was like a "sunset rainbow."  The term was intriguing that I googled it, and did indeed find sunsets with nearly rainbow colors. But can a setting sun create a rainbow?  I did find a couple intriguing photos, like this one:

724. Pretty face paint
This was actually in October for Halloween, but better late than never!

725. Blaze made her own pilgrim costume

726. The words finally flowing again
I had a slow start with NaNoWriMo - didn't start until day 4. (Homeschool is crazy time-consuming). Then words finally began to flow... felt so good to finally have the story come alive again to me.

727. First page accepted to Baker's Dozen contest
I debated about entering this writing contest because even though you only submit your first page, it requires a complete manuscript because it showcases finished projects to agents; and my plan was to finish my science fiction manuscript for NaNoWriMo this year (only had 5 chapters left, but still!) The deadline was November 7, and I decided if I could get 5000 words written by then, I would be close enough to done. I made my deadline and submitted and was one of 30 young adult manuscripts selected for the showcase to 13 agents!

728. Encouragement to continue home schooling 
Blaze has been acting depressed and listless and says she misses school. Called up my homeschooling friend K.A. and got lots of encouragement and reasons to continue homeschooling.

729. Started a Bible timeline poster for home school
I wanted a really BIG timeline, it stretches the entire length of our hallway and we have plenty of room to add pictures and notes and even play search & find games on it

730. Reading the Silver Chair to the girls out loud
More than any of the other books in the Chronicles of Narnia we've read so far, this one mirrors so many Scriptural principles, in almost every scene. I had forgotten all about the Bism, the deep world with living jewels. And what happened to King Caspian in Aslan's country (heaven).

731. One lone tree still has its golden leaves
I've walked past this tree hundreds of times on my way to work, but I never noticed it before because it's hidden behind a clump of dark evergreens. But one evening a shaft of the setting sun struck it and "set it on fire" and I realized it still had all its golden leaves, weeks after all the other trees had lost theirs

732. Cowboy church and devotionals
B. and Blaze went to Cowboy church at the Billings horse sale, and they were giving away free Bibles and devotionals. B. has been reading the devotional almost every night and sharing parts of it with me. It's called God Wants You To Win! Vol. II by Jeff Copenhaver (I'm going to need a whole separate post to talk about this, the title at first set off warning bells and I was afraid this was a "health and wealth gospel" kind of book, but it's not)

733. Having a nice van again
I drive a 2006 Chevy Uplander and I absolutely love it (never thought I would like a mini van, but miracles happen). Only bad thing about it is I hit a post backing up a few years ago, and have a bad dent in the tail gate. But B. found a new lift gate for it at a junkyard - same color and everything. Only thing the gate was from a Buick Terraza, so my van has a mixed identity now!

734. Tiropetas
I made these little Greek pastries for Mom and Dad's 49th anniversary... haven't made them in years but one of my favorites growing up along with spanakopita

735. "My mom's my best friend"
Dreamer told me about a teen on Disney channel that said "my mom's my best friend, I don't care if other teens think that's lame." She said she always wanted to be like that, too

736. Jeremiah 31:21 
"Set up road signs; put up guidepoists. Take notes the highway, the road that you take" for when Israel will return from the land of the enemy. When we are going through a tough time, we should set up signs and guides (sort like stones of remembrance) because the Lord will bring us back to the good places again.

737. Rediscovering Jeremiah 31:3 
"I have loved you with everlasting love; I have drawn you with lovingkindness" I had forgotten about this neat verse until I saw it again recently; years ago I read C.S Lewis' interpretation in one of his books (wish I could remember which one): of the master sculptor who will not finish chipping away at his masterpiece until it is perfected, a different drawing us in lovingkindness

738. Proverb 4:1, gleams of light
"The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day."  From  Jesus Lives p 124 "Sorrow (or troubles) shared with Me are permeated with brilliant glitters of joy, like numerous Christmas lights sparkling in the darkness"

739.  My 20th spiritual anniversary 
Twenty years ago, God showed me he was real and I believed Jesus died for me. What a journey it's been! There is no greater adventure than following Jesus. I've written more about my 20th anniversary here.

740. Revelation Song (Kari Jobe)

Worthy is the, Lamb who was slain
Holy, Holy, is He
Sing a new song, to him who sits on
Heaven's mercy seat

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You

Clothed in rainbows, of living color
Flashes of lightning, rolls of thunder
Blessing and honor, strength and glory and power be
to You the only wise King

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You

Filled with wonder, awestruck wonder
At the mention of your name
Jesus your name is power
Breath, and living water
Such a marvelous mystery

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come, yeah
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You

Thoughts on my stories and God's stories

I'm in the midst of NaNoWriMo (November is National Novel Writing Month - a challenge to write at least a 150 page novel in 30 days). This is my sixth year taking on this challenge, and every year I find incredible inspiration in the whole process of seeing ideas come to life. I'm on the homestretch of my 4th novel* right now.

But I've a hit a wall the past few days. The ideas reached a shining peak, then  burnt themselves out.  When I went for my walk this morning (loving an early day off for Thanksgiving) I asked God for a little inspiration. Wonderful things sometimes come to me while walking and I just needed a single image or snippet of dialogue to get me going again with my story.

God gave me something much bigger than I was expecting. Three things, actually.

It was such an epiphany at the time, but now that I sit down a few hours later to try to capture it in words, I don't feel up to the task.** But here goes:

The first thing:

I have always loved stories - reading others' stories and making up my own stories. I encourage my kids to make up stories, too, I love their imagination.  I love fairytales and myths and fantasies but I also love real life stories too. I just never think my own real life stories are exciting enough to share. But during my walk, the first thing I felt God prompting me about was to write little pieces of my life into little stories or vignettes; maybe as a Christmas gift to my family?

The gift of a story from someone in my family is pure gold to me. When Blaze and Dreamer wrote and illustrated their own little Christmas stories  a couple years ago as gifts to their grandparents, I almost wanted to keep them for myself. Blaze wrote about a horse that had no friends until Santa came along needing help with his sleigh, and turned the horse into a flying horse. Dreamer wrote about a Christmas zebra.

I warned Grandma and Grandpa that they had BETTER not lose those precious stories or, heaven forbid, ever throw them away!

For this upcoming Christmas I will try to encourage my kids to write real-life stories for gifts this year, as I attempt to find some interesting things from my past for stories to share, too.   I think our adventures in Estes Park this fall with Grandma H would make a great story for the kids to tell (but part of the fun of letting your kids loose with stories is seeing what surprising ideas or memories they come up with).

The second thing:

This is the harder part to put into words, because the things of God are mysterious; His ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are not our thoughts. But He is also the original creative genius and I marvel at the insights He sometimes helps me see.

See, as I was thinking about how one of my most treasured things in this life is sharing stories, both fantasy and real, with my loved ones,  I suddenly got a glimpse of how God wants to share his story with us, and wants us to share our stories with Him. The Bible is the Word of God and it's full of his stories, his interactions with people He loved. The stories of King David are some of my favorites. Job's story haunts me with his pain, and thrills me with his encounter  at the end. Another favorite story is the Prodigal Son. When I first realized that this story is an allegory of God's love for us, his wayward children, I was awed and humbled.

I don't think God stopped telling his stories at the end of Revelation. The stories in the Bible are the universal stories for us all, and our operating instructions, a manual for living life to the fullest as we were created, intended to live. But God also gives us our personal stories, our testimonies of His love in our lives.  Even if they are never written on paper, they are written on our hearts, and His.

The third thing:

As I was thinking about how God longs to shares his stories with us, and for us to share our stories with Him, and how He longs for us to realize that His stories and ours are intertwined... it also occurred to me that all too often we aren't interested in His stories.

One of the biggest insecurities of a writer is: if I write this thing - will anyone read it? Or if they do start to read it, will they scoff and say "this is drivel. Nonsense. Not worth my time."

People say that all the time about God's Word. "Not worth my time." "Out-dated." "Not genuine." I myself said such things for many years, until I was saved.

God longs for a relationship with us. He longs to be part of our story.  I have a teenage stepdaughter who has "outgrown" us - her family - she longs to be off on her own. She is no longer interested in sharing her story with us, or hearing our stories, or seeing how they might be connected (except in a very marginal way). The same thing happened to me as a teenager and into my early twenties. I wanted to live my own story apart from my family and my Christian roots.  I headed off on my own, like the prodigal son.

I think God designed it for parents to experience that same story that He so often experiences with us:  our children leaving us, as our nearly eighteen year old is getting ready to leave us, belittling our values and advice.  We must let them go; we must honor their free will, as God honors our own.  Almost all stories have a journey of discovery in them, whether it's an actual journey across miles, or an internal journey across the heart.

I know this is getting really deep. I'm not even sure if it's even really connected with "stories" anymore. But the way God connected it for me this morning during my walk was sad and beautiful and hopeful all at the same time: just like stories are - with their dark moments and their high moments. I just had to take the time to try to capture it in words - me sharing my story back to God.

*My forth novel is born from my love of Stars Wars and a subconscious desire to switch Luke's and Leia’s places.  What if, instead of a farm boy, it's a  farm girl who gets swept up into galactic adventures and saves the day? Even more, what if its not a farm girl from a galaxy far, far away but an ordinary girl in the middle of suburban America who doesn’t have a clue of the epic galactic story she’s about to star in? (working title: Startripped).

** The first rule I've learned as a writer is that when I don't know what to say or how to say it, when it seems like I can never capture a feeling or experience with mere words - I just start typing one word after another. It's never perfect but it's always worthwhile. Sometimes the words surprise me.

1000 gifts: my two little flower girls

Continuing my list of gifts, blessings that I write down to remember all the wonderful things that God gives me along life's journey (from Ann Voskamp's book and her blog, A Holy Experience).

My BFF N.L. got married on December 18 to one of my husband's good friends, B.W.. My twins, Serious and Starlet were her flower girls, so I was thrilled! And a lot of my "gifts" in this edition have to do with her beautiful wedding...


380. A Pair of Pink Dresses

381. Elegant details on a wedding dress
I'm actually not a big fan of wedding dresses these days: how the style is invariably the same bare shoulder, breast-hugging top, which basically makes all the dresses look the same. So I loved the details that made N.L.'s dress stand out - she had a friend sew cap sleeves with beaded trims on to her dress. And how about that matching tiara and necklace? Gorgeous and glittery. Here's a picture of her with one her bridesmaids, Teresa (also an old friend of mine).

382. Lace-up backs
Her dress had one of my most favorite wedding dress details (which I don't remember ever seeing when I shopped for my dress 12 years ago, bummer) - a lace up back.

383. Pink shoes 

384. Arranging flowers with Mom 
My mom did my flowers for my wedding, and I talked her into doing them for N.L.'s wedding too, because I know she loves arranging flowers and I thought it would be something fun for us to do together. Well, what I didn't count on was Mom being so worried about getting everything exactly perfect for N.L. (and this all happening just a week before Christmas, too) that it ended up being a bit more stressful than fun. But the end result was wonderful and N.L. was tickled pink (oh, unintended pun. Her whole wedding was pink). (Side note: I was afraid her reception would be too pink, but I was amazed at how beautiful it turned out. She was also afraid the pink would clash with the Christmas decorations, but if anything the twinkling lights and golden ornaments only added to the glamor of it all).

385. Pinning flowers on men
After Mom and I put together the boutineers and corsages, I rushed off to the church to get them pinned on the wedding party before photos. Ah, all the handsome men who lined up in front of me for their turn to be pinned! I admit I got just a tad flustered from all the "attention" - I didn't stick any of them with a pin, but I did stick myself. Here's my handsome husband (the best man) all pinned up and kissing on another pretty girl in the wedding party.

386. Celtic violin/guitar duo 
N.L. said she had always wanted two things at her wedding: fresh flowers (check) and live Celtic music. For some reason the Celtic music had me thinking "mournful", but the violin/guitar duo who played at her reception were foot-stomping fun!

387. Visiting with wedding guests - lots of old friends!
It was wonderful seeing Karen and Ed, Emily and Ann and lots of other old friends - ah, the good old days.

388. My twins turning 5 years old
December is also a month of birthdays for us - the twins, B. and Stars. I took the twins to see Arthur Christmas for their birthday (such a creative spin on the usual Santa story - think Santa meets Star Trek, or maybe Mission Impossible). Then we had a little party for them. One of their gifts was a pair of sleds, which of course they had to take outside and try out. My parents have a slight slope to their front lawn - with their older sisters giving them a big push, the twins thought it was a blast. And I thought it was hilarious that they were so excited about the rest of their birthday presents that they couldn't put down their gift bags: they had to hold on to them while sledding!

389. Discovering a new "old" Christmas song
Mom and I always go to the University Christmas Concert, which is a neat mix of traditional tunes and new pieces. This year I discovered this song, Walking in the Air, from the movie based on the book, the Snowman. Apparently it's a Christmas classic in the UK. I loved the haunting music and the Northern Lights at the very end!

390. Flash mob Christmas carols
Apparently flash mobs started as a social experiment, partially to poke fun at hipsters: but Christians have appropriated it to reach large crowds of people with songs with a strong Christian theme - but in a fun  atmosphere of surprise. Here's one from this December at a mall (the quartet on the escalator is my favorite part, but the live creche scene at the end is neat, too)

391. The Twelve Days of Christmas for writers (source)

On the Twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,

A six-figure deal for my trilogy

Eleven full requests from editors

Ten-page critique from JK Rowling

Nine more beta readers

Eight adverbs permanently erased from my memory

Seven drafts that auto-revise

Six days alone with my work in progress (no distractions, yeah!)

Five golden story ideas

Four more hours before my laptop battery dies

Three agents offering representation

Two cups of coffee

And writing hut on an island in the South Seas!

392. Bagpipes instead of ringing bells for Salvation army donations
I've seen this guy around town playing his bagpipe several times in the days leading up to Christmas. I always dig up some change for the girls to put into the pot.

393. Winning NaNoWriMo for the fourth time
Though the idea has been in my head since I was 14 years old, I had never developed it beyond just that - just the bare bones of a science fiction story. This year I decided to tackle the old idea for my November writing month and see if I could turn it into a novel. I actually started the brainstorming and plotting and character development in October in preparation, and it was such a rush. Writing toward a goal of 50,000 words in a month is so exhausting, but so rewarding. This has become an annual experience I look forward to all year, a creative outpouring that oddly enough also fills me up.

 394. Blueletterbible.org
 Ed and Karen (or Red and Rarin' as B. calls them) (sometimes I call them Ked and Erin by mistake) stayed with us for the weekend of N.L.'s wedding and we had some wonderful late-night talks about all sorts of faith-related things (some of which I plan to share in future posts). Ed eats up theology like I eat chocolate, and he showed me this wonderful free Bible study tool, the Blue Letter Bible, where you can break down verses so that each word is cross referenced to a Greek lexicon, Strong's concordance, a Bible dictionary and more!

395. The worship of lament
Karen also gave me a book for a Christmas present (the best kind of present): A Sacred Sorrow, by Michael Card. "Many of us don't feel right expressing our anger, frustration and sadness in prayer. Our personal worship experience is not complete unless we understand the lost language of lament."

1000 gifts: Thanksgiving edition

The 1000 gifts is a list of all the gifts God has given me that I'm thankful for.

105. the Buzz Lightyear Spanish Button
After watching Toy Story 3, I posted on Facebook: "ladies, wouldn't it be nice if our husbands had a "Spanish mode" button like Buzz Lightyear? When Buzz got switched to Spanish mode, he suddenly turned into a sweet-talking Latin-dancing romantic fool! A friend on Facebook replied: "Personally I think they should come with GPS locators so when they wonder off when you are out with them, it's easier to find them!" Another friend posted: "I would love the French button too!" I added another comment: "while we are at it, how about an Italian button" (why not have a guy that can speak all the romantic languages? ;)

106. Amy Grant's song "Better Than A Hallelujah"
The video made me cry. I love this song! It's worth watching on YouTube.

107.  Horses trained to dance with bulls
Beautiful and heartbreaking in an entirely different way is this video of a famous horse trained to fight bulls in these Portuguese fashion. It is basically torturing the bull, but you can see why people love it: the action of the horse is absolutely breathtaking. I love this horse's name: "De Orpheo a Merlin de Rafi a Pablo"

108. Dogs aren't the only ones who mark car tires
At my friend Treva's birthday party, I ran into some old friends I hadn't seen for a while: Pete and Debbie. Somehow I got Pete to talking about how and Debbie got together. He said the reason why she went out with him is because he scared all the other interested parties away. In fact, he "marked her car" so that everyone would know she was his girl. I about died laughing.

109. Dragons on Facebook
My friend Jim posted this on my Facebook page: "Please put this as your status if you know someone who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn't know, they can breathe fire. 60% of people won't copy and paste this because they have already been eaten by dragons. 38% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers, and the remaining 2% are awesome and will repost this. Happy Gobble Day!" He knows I have a great love of dragons... but its also a spoof on those earnest Facebook requests to re-post some dramatic fact or event that we think everyone should know about it!

110. "Just beat them with your cane"
We drove to South Dakota to spend Thanksgiving with B's parents and his brother and sister's families. My sister and brother-in-law, Monica and Tyler, helped me plan a surprise 40th birthday for B. We bought a bunch of gag gifts and "Over the Hill" balloons. But the best decorations were the posters that my nieces Taryn and Breanna made, with sayings like "if they tease you about your age, just beat them with your cane."

111. Exploding birthday cakes
And the birthday cake - oh, the birthday cake! Tyler set four rat traps in a cake pan and then covered them with cake batter and baked them. Then we made B. cut the cake, of course. He sliced into the cake with a funny look ("doesn't feel like it got baked all the way, or something") He had it all sliced up, and still nothing had happened. Then Monica gave it a few more probes with a knife, trying to get it go off. Finally after we'd pretty much given it up as a failure, the traps started going off and flinging cake across the room. B. didn't get hit, but he was surprised!

112. A pinochle "consultant"
One of my husband's family traditions when we all get together is to play partner pinochle, but this year I refused to play because the game just gets too cutthroat for me. Of course everyone harassed me all weekend about not playing! Tyler even kidnapped my laptop and held it hostage to try to force me to play. So I kidnapped his laptop in return. I assured everyone that I was more than happy to be a pinochle "consultant" instead of playing myself. A "consultant" of course looks at every body's cards and then drops hints about what they might be holding.

113. Finishing NaNoWriMo right before the deadline on November 30
...for my third win. I'm so excited about this novel. It's a love story that I got the idea for over12 years ago. It's finally coming together now that I found a historical setting for it at the end of the Roman Empire.

114. Getting a friend to do NaNoWriMo with you
This year, my friend Nicole joined me for NaNoWriMo and finished her book about genies - I can't wait to read it! (I still have 1/3 of my book left to write, but then we will exchange manuscripts).

about 85% done

I have my third NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) behind me, and my second win. My second novel has reached 100,000 words - roughly 300 pages - that's the good news. The bad news is: it's still not done! I estimate I'm about 85% there. The conclusion is still looming ahead of me... But hold on, that's not all bad news. The main thing is that I am past the Middle (see below for an account of the horrors of the Middle).

Lesson learned from NaNoWriMo this year: writing the second half of a book is actually quite a bit easier than the first half. The characters have already developed minds of their own, and you've created enough sub-plots to keep your creative juices flowing. In fact, in my case, probably TOO MANY subplots, judging by the length. I hate the thought of having to cut anything, but it's a necessary process.

Sit down, and put down everything that comes into your head and then you're a writer. But an author is one who can judge his own stuff's worth, without pity, and destroy most of it. ~Colette

So the following is one of the motivational emails that NaNoWriMo sends out from published authors (I just checked out a book from the library by this gal. Now that it's December, I have time to read again!)

Dear writer,
I have a very good friend who is Australian. I've never been to Australia, so she is constantly selling me on the merits of her homeland and setting me straight on things. For example, I have always wanted hold a koala. She informs me that koalas smell and spread disease. What I want instead, she informs me, are flying foxes, sugar bananas, rainbow lorikeets, mangosteens, and Sydney sunrises. One thing that always impresses me in her descriptions is just how large Australia is—and how empty in the middle. Australia is comparable in size to the continental United States, but almost everyone lives on the coast. So it would be like having Los Angles, and then New York, with almost nothing in between. Nothing except for monsters, that is. Because almost everything that lives out there in the middle of nowhere can kill you. 97% of the snakes in Australia are poisonous. The spiders are the size of washing machines, but it's the tiny ones you have to watch for. It's all teeth and venom out there. So just put a huge "here be dragons" in the middle of your mental map and you'll have a pretty good picture of Australia. The cities are said to be wonderful—paradises of culture and wine and song. It's just that middle 2,000 miles that you have to watch out for.

Perhaps this rings a bell right about now, smack in the middle of NaNoWriMo?Those first few days with your idea... oh, how wonderful they are! How sweetly it goes! And you wander on, past the city limits, into the bush. The signposts disappear, and the creatures come out. You have wandered into The Middle. Thing is, writers spend something like 97% of their time in The Middle. Once you leave those first pages, those first days... you wander into strange land and you stay there for a long, long time. It took me a little while, probably a few years of full-time writing, to fully accept that that middle bit was where I was going to be spending pretty much all of my time. This is the thing they don't tell you. When you see portrayals of writers on television or in movies, what are they normally doing? They're sipping coffee or cocktails, or jetting around to signings, or solving murders for fun. Lies! I mean, these things do happen, but those are the coastal bits. Most of the time we are deep inland—sitting at home, or at the office, or some shed or underground bunker. We eat what we find and slurp coffee from anything that is sturdier than coffee. Often, we are inappropriately dressed for any human interaction. This is because we are in the middle. And in the middle, things are rough. You make bargains with yourself like, "If I finish this chapter, I can have a shower!" Or, "If I just get this paragraph right, I can eat those stale Oreos!"Now, I realize in saying this that perhaps I am not selling you on the writing experience. I'm supposed to be cheering you on! You already know that the middle is a hard place to be. Perhaps right about now you are asking yourself, "What, precisely, is wrong with me? Why did I decide that the best way to spend the month of November would be indoors, strapped to a chair, writing thousands of words a day, alone, friendless, and insane? Why didn't I just agree to come to my desk every day, bang my head on it for a solid ten minutes, and be done with it? That would have been so much faster."

Here’s the thing, though...if you're doing NaNoWriMo, you are a reader, because all writers are readers. Which means that you must admire many authors. Your shelves are lined with the works of your heroes and sheroes. Every single one of them has crossed the wild country where you are now. Every single one of them has been a resident of The Middle. The ground you're treading is full of the remains of their old campsites. And somewhere around you, just out of sight, current authors you admire are making their own way across The Middle. What's nice about NaNoWriMo is that you are traveling with a posse of thousands, all of you making your way over the mountains, through the valleys, across the creeks. You are fighting off the beasties.
And once you've crossed The Middle once or twice and you're lounging on the other side, you'll find you miss it. You'll realize you long to be out there again, under the sky and the stars. The weather changes a lot in the middle. Some days, the skies are dark and it's hard to find your way forward. Those days are long and little progress is made. Some days, it's strangely bright and clear, and suddenly you can see the horizon ahead, and dozens of possible paths present themselves to you. But every day is different, and every day there is a new way to go and a new thing to see. You will be hooked.
-Maureen Johnson

NaNoWriMo 2009

I wasn't planning on posting anything in November, since I usually cut out all non-essential activities in order to make sure I reach the minumum daily word count for NaNoWriMo (http://www.nanowrimo.org/). But things went really well today, over 3000 words - I have reached the half-way mark (25,000 words) a day early. Cruising along through the second half of the novel I got started with last year. The plot is starting to come together, I think that's why I've been able to make such good progress.

It didn't start out very well, though. Last year I was really mentally prepared for starting NaNo. I was eager to start my second novel, and really eager to win, after falling short the previous year.

This year, I did absolutely no preparation. My attitude was completely different. I already had a win under my belt; I was feeling completely overwhelmed with teaching; I hadn't touched this story at all in the past year, except just to share excerpts of it at writer's group. I figured that I would participate in NaNoWriMo this year just for the extra motivation it would give to start working on the story again. I didn't really expect to do a lot with it.

The first night I managed to crank out 1200 words, but it was slow going (especially since I had to prepare Monday's lecture first, which took until midnight. Didn't get started writing until after midnight, by 1:30 am too sleepy to get any more words out. The next night I was even sleepier - because of course not getting sleep the night before. After I got the kids to bed, I sat in the recliner with my laptop on my lap - and promptly dozed off. I didn't get a single word written. Already 2000 words behind. Not a very good beginning. The third night wasn't much better. I got a few hundred words down, but it was painful. One of those nights when you write a single paragraph and you feel mentally exhausted.

However, the fourth night was a "write-in" - a gathering of at least 7 or 8 other local Laramie writers participating in NaNoWriMo. At my favorite writing place, too, Coal Creek Coffee House. I couldn't resist that. So I showed up and met each of the ladies (no men). I was encouraged by their enthusiasm (not to mention that delicious quiche and caramel steamers are a wonderful addition to the overall writing atmosphere and mental attitude). Managed to get as far as 4000 words, still a long way behind, but at least the words were starting flow easier. I was starting to get back into the book. The characters were becoming familiar again, and new ideas started to generate themselves.

I got caught up with the word count by the weekend, and I've really enjoyed writing this week, everything is still coming really easily. However, I know from two years of experience now that the last two weeks are harder than the first two weeks. The "rush" you get from taking off wears off. There is still the very real potential that I could get sick, like I did in the last week of NaNo 2007, and gave up at that point (H1N1 flu is running rampant in Laramie. B has already had and three of the girls. I'm amazed I haven't got it yet).

I still have hope though. For one thing, the class is getting a lot easier - I only have four lectures left to prepare for and I can put off the major part of grading, the final project, until December. Then again, Stars is coming for a week (Nov 21-28), and we are also hosting a missionary family at our house for five days.

One problem with the past week or so, as the writing has been coming really easily, is that I'm not taking the time to pray before I write like I did last year. I am keeping up with my Bible read-through, but my prayer life is scanty. I am making a resolution as of today not to let that continue. I want every word written in this book to be blessed by God. Besides, I doubt I have any chance of winning - getting through the next two busy weeks on track - if I don't have the strength of prayer behind me.

I discovered a new tool that may help me get through the challenges of the last week. "Write Or Die" (http://writeordie.drwicked.com/) - a web site where you set a goal: either a word count or a time goal. You then select the most effective punishment mode for you. The modes are Gentle, Normal and Kamikaze. Until you reach your goal, you will be punished when you stop writing. When you click the Write! button you are presented with a blank text box on a white screen (simplicity is key to the banishment of distraction). Start typing away. When you stop, the consequences kick in. In Gentle mode, a text box pops up and gives you a mom-like reminder to keep writing. If you get distracted in Normal mode, you will be played a Most Unpleasant Sound, in a loop, until you start writing again. If you stop writing in Kamikaze mode, my mode of choice, your screen will fade to red and then your work will start To Unwrite Itself. It will delete one word per second until you start writing again. Once you've reached your goal, you copy and paste your text into your main document.

I tried it, and I wasn't imressed with Gentle or Normal mode. But once I switched to Kamikaze mode, and I saw my words start to disappear if I didn't keep typing, it switched me into a whole new motivational level.

I also discovered this interesting post from the blog by the inventor of "Write Or Die" (who calls himself Dr Wicked). I am including the entire post here, because over time links can get broken, and this is interesting enough that I want to keep it.

Ritual vs Habit
"I am a brain, Watson, the rest of me is a mere appendix"
Those are, as you may have guessed, the words of Sherlock Holmes. To provide some context, in the story The Adventure of the Mazarin Stone, Watson and Holmes's landlady are increasingly concerned about Holmes because he refuses to eat until he solves the case. "What one's digestion gains in the way of blood supply is so much lost to the brain."

I am not advocating an eating disorder in pursuit of your creative craft, but there is truth to what Holmes says. This is the second Monday in my "Monday is creative day" regime and so far it's working splendidly (I know it's only been a week, but optimism is essential). Think about your day, think about when it really starts. For me personally I feel like the day picks up speed as soon as I have breakfast and does not slow down until late at night. This may not be true for everyone, but I would suggest to you that you pinpoint when your day starts and try to get and make your writing time your own.

What we're aiming for is a writing ritual, not necessarily a writing habit. Rituals are a lot easier to start and maintain than habits, which is why they're employed in some form by every religion on earth. Let's take a look at the word habit: the involuntary tendency or aptitude to perform certain actions which is acquired by their frequent repetition.

This would be a very nice thing to have, I would like to get to the point where I write so consistently that it is second nature. I would like this to stop just short of hypergraphia, which would be interesting but also terrifying. On the other hand... the definiton of "ritual" is any customary observance or practice; the prescribed procedure for conduct.

This seems well within our reach. We use rituals to develop behaviours which can turn into habits. We can't aim directly for the habit or we will fail. Only bad habits are easy to acquire.
So when we choose, for example, to abstain from food until we have written, we lend the writing act a significance it might not otherwise have. We also sanctify (literally: to set apart) that period of time, recognizing it, consciously and subconsciously, as important.

I encourage you this week to set apart some time for writing. As always, write whenever you can, on the back of a napkin, in the margins of your newspaper, but also find your own ritual to build walls around your writing time. Perhaps in building your ritual you will acquire the writing habit, but either way, you'll get more writing done.

Nanowrimo explained

Nanowrimo stands for National Novel Writing Month, a wonderful, creative, neurotic month where we celebrate, we laugh, we cry, and we manically write until our brains melt out of our heads. We spend all night at the computer screen, and the next day trying to shut off an overactive imagination long enough to accomplish our responsibilities. We struggle with time and energy constraints, over caffeination, sleep deprivation, and sometimes the frustration of a blank space where our thoughts should be. It's the month of frenzied writing. It's the month where we type until our fingers are numb. It's the month we ignore the garish marks of the spell checker telling our inner critic to shout at us. It's the month we push forward with one goal in mind: 50,000 words in 30 days. Which breaks down to roughly 1,667 words a day give or take a few. NaNoWriMo was founded in 1999 as a way to encourage everyone who wants to write a book, to do that very thing.

I first tried Nanowrimo in 2007, hoping it would motivate me to finish my first book. I managed to write 38,000 words, falling short of winning, but absolutely convinced that Nanowrimo was the best thing ever invented for motivating writers. I tried again in 2008 and succeeded, getting just over 50,000 words on my second novel and over half-way through it.

I plan to give Nanowrimo another go in 2009. The rest of the year I work on finishing and editing what I started during November. I have my first novel "complete" - as in, it's a complete story, but it's still not complete yet for publication, requiring a lot of rewriting to make it flow better and develop the characters more. I'm debating this upcoming November whether to continue my word count on the second novel, or start my third.

Inspiration

I was cleaning up old emails out of my inbox when I discovered this one, the final NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) encouragement for 2008. Re-reading this email today was providence, I am sure, because I need that motivation to get back into writing mode - haven't written anything for 2 weeks now (other than blogs). Next time I write a blog (which will be about parenting frustrations, foolish New Years resolutions, and puppies), I WILL have writing progress to report!

From NaNoWriMo:

Jobs. Having a job is one of the greatest, trickiest things you can do as an adult. Employment brings perks like challenges and growth and (sometimes) money. But the longer you work at a job, the easier it is to confuse what you are doing with what you can do.
This is true whether you're a dental hygienist, a stay-at-home parent, or Sirkka-Liisa Anttila, the Forestry Minister of Finland. Because careers tend to be all about specialization. Human beings, on the other hand, contain multitudes. Each of us has a wealth of talents spread broadly over domains both marketable and deliciously impractical. The tricky part is that we tend to develop the former at the expense of the latter. Passions become hobbies. Hobbies become something we swear we'll get back to when we have more time. Or when the kids are grown. Or when the stock market recovers.
Which means we leave unexplored many of those paths that ultimately make us feel most alive—the moments of creating, building, playing, and doing that lead to extraordinary and unexpected things.
Like writing a book.
Or, more loosely, postponing the must-dos of the real world to spend 30 days exploring an attractive, improbable dream.
Giving ourselves that time is so important. Because the world can wait. It's what the world does best, in fact. It was hanging out for 4.5 billion years before we arrived, and it'll be waiting around for another few billion after we're gone.
Our dreams, however, have much shorter shelf-lives.
If there's one thing I've learned from running NaNoWriMo, it's this: Whatever you think you are, you are more than that. You possess a fearsome array of skills and abilities, and the most satisfying of these may be completely unknown to you now. Your curiosity is a dependable guide; follow it. Put yourself in unfamiliar places. Kindle passions. Savor the raw joy of making things, and then remake the best of those things until they take someone's breath away. Wrestle bears.
Actually, skip the bear-wrestling.
But do keep trying big things, okay? Sometimes we can wait so long for a clear sign that it's time to begin, that the opportunity sails right past us.
Life is so short. Adventures beckon. Let's get packed and head out on a new one today.
I think it's time.
ChrisNaNoWriMo

I WON!

Last night at 9:30 pm I pushed past the 50,000 word goal for the National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) challenge.

That's the good news.

The bad news is that I'm severely sleep deprived, my poor family had to suffer through several extremely grumpy episodes in the past two weeks, and I think I'm probably only just barely half-way through my novel: it's gonna be another long one.

My next challenge: to see if, now that November is over, I will continue to keep writing on a regular basis. I would like to write a minimum of 300 words each day (should be a piece of cake after averaging 1667 words a day for November!). Another really good reason for continuing to write every day (other than the fact that it means I'll actually get Novel #2 finished within a year) is that I am holding true to my promise to always read the Bible and pray before writing - something I need in order to keep my life together (in other words, only through God's strength can I possibly keep my life together!)

the final countdown

Three days left to November. Last minute preparations. NaNoWriMo is approaching, and for geek writers like me (over 100,000 of us signed up at the www.nanowrimo.org website), this is the MONTH. The challenge: write 50,000 words, or a short novel, in 30 days (about 5 pages a day). Last year I stormed through the first 3 weeks with amazing success, considering that I had 11 month old twin girls to complicate my life; the last week I got sick and fell about 10,000 words short of my goal. So this year I am determined to finish the challenge.

The twins are now 23 months old, does that make the challenge any easier? Not really. They are still pretty demanding. Another disadvantage: this year I'm starting a new book. I will be starting on Chapter 1, with a blank page, and only a few pages of notes to help guide my way. I had hoped to have a scene-by-scene outline by now, and completed character charts for at least 4 of my major characters. I've only finished one chart so far, and I only have the first 4 or 5 scenes roughly outlined. Last year I was starting about half-way through a second version of a novel that I'd already written once, had the new version completely outlined scene-by-scene to the last page, and had spent the last 20 years dreaming about - I knew my characters really well and I knew exactly where I was going.

So, I'm not nearly as prepared this year. In addition I have commitments at work that will surely be obstacles, and a family that I don't want to lose touch with (though I have already warned all my friends). But I am preparing spiritually, which is, for me, a very important step. I attribute my success for three weeks last November (and to ultimately finishing the novel on October 6 of this year) to taking the time each day before writing to spend time with God first. (Give Him your first-fruits, and He will give you the rest). Sometimes I couldn't get started until 9 pm at night, and I was already tired; it was tempting to skip that fiften or thirty minutes with God and just jump right into writing. But I knew if I did that, the words wouldn't come, or the RIGHT words wouldn't come. Or I'd find out later that nothing I wrote that night would work in the story and I'd eventually have to throw it out anyway. I truly believe that sometimes God just gave me the words, simply because I asked Him for them. After my husband and my kids, I believe God has given writing to me as my ministry. He must want me to write, because no matter how busy my life gets that urge to write is still there. That desire to write a story that maybe, someday, someone will read and learn about the personal relationship with God, through Jesus, that is open to everyone.

Have found a link on the NanoWriMo website to David Niall Nelson's "tips for NanoWriMo" http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vdmludGFnZXNvdWwubWFjYWJyZWluay5jb20vY2F0ZWdvcnkvbmFub3dyaW1v that I had fun reading today, and will hopefully motivate me to work more on my outline, tonight!

whip lashes

Skip to the last paragraph if you want to see what why I titled this 'whip lashes'.

So, it's official, I finished the last chapter of my children's novel Last Monday night at 11:30 pm. For the first couple days I fell kind giddy. I kept re-reading the last page of my book and sighing with delight, wow – I really got there! But I also felt kind of lost, like how in the world will I ever be able to switch over to another novel?

With National Novel Writing Month (see nanowrimo.org: this writing challenge is largely the reason why I was finally able to finish my first novel!) coming up in November, I knew I had to decide which book to start next. I have ideas for two sequels but these are still mostly in the “dream” stage and anyway I’d like to get away from writing for children/youth and try something adult.

 I have one book completely plotted out and ready to go, but that one is another fantasy. Also, since I have spent the last two dozen years working on fantasy genre, I really want to try something in the real world, and I really want to write something purposefully Christian, where I don't have to disguise my faith in symbols or allegory. So that leaves one option, an idea I’ve been kicking around for 4 of 5 years that's loosely based on my experience of my first year of marriage and being a step mom. But I have an awful lot of development to do on this book. I have a very basic plot and a couple character sketches, but nothing like the scene-by-scene outline that I had for my first story. It’s awfully nice when you turn on your computer to not be confronted with a blank page, but to have a little paragraph summarizing just what you are supposed to work on for the next two hours. Prevents writer’s block.

So I spent last week really thinking (and a little praying) about which novel to tackle. During break times at a training class down in Boulder, I mulled over the plot and two primary characters (for now, they are Rowen and Sam) then finally, on Friday, took a stab at the first three scenes. And I felt pretty good about them. Okay, so it seems like the word is “go” for this new idea. However I need to outline quite a bit more than just the first three scenes in order to be able to keep up my writing momentum during November. My writing friend, NL, recommended that instead of going off an outline I should just write “out of the mist” and see what happens. I suppose that’s what I’ll have to do if I don’t get much more of an outline done in the next 3 weeks.

At least the beautiful Indian Summer weather will no longer be competing for my attention. It has turned cold and this weekend we got such a vicious wind that it blew almost every leaf off the trees in my neighborhood, turning our beautiful golden autumn into drab brown overnight. But the weekend before I was able to go for another wonderful trail ride with my mom through the autumn hills, so at least fall didn’t get away from me this year, I’ve been blessed with lots of time to soak it all up. Too bad one can’t soak it all up and save it to savor again later, mid-winter!

Last night at church our assistant pastor gave another illustration that I just have to share (see my last blog about speeding tickets for another example). This one was about a mighty King who was known thoughout the land as a King of justice. He was determined to bring justice to every situation in his kingdom and would not tolerate any sort of crime. In fact he would usually administer the punishment – 40 lashes with a whip – himself, and since he was a very strong, powerful man these lashes were a terrible punishment indeed. One day it came to his attention that someone was stealing from his palace. He set his police to find out who the perpetrator was, but for a long time they could not catch the thief. And when they finally did, it came as a terrible shock because the thief was the King’s own mother. All the kingdom began to speculate what the King would do. He was known for His unrelenting justice; but how could he have his own mother whipped? But when the time came, the King did tell his men to tie the old woman to the whipping post. Everyone was horrified. Instead of picking up his whip, the King handed it to someone else and told them to go ahead and administer the 40 lashes. But first, he took of his shirt and wrapped his body around his mother’s so that he would take the brunt of the lashes for her.

Back in the real world again

The National Novel writing month (November) is over now, and I am slowly catching up on my sleep. The challenge was to write 50,000 words, approximately 150 pages... and I managed to achieve 38,000. I was doing really good until week 3, Thanksgiving week. My stepdaughter spent Thanksgiving with us, and we spent many evenings staying up late talking - so my daily word count dropped from 1600 down to 600-800 words. No problem, I knew I could still catch up during the final week. I didn't want to miss out on the time with my stepdaughter because for the first time ever, she was really interested in and asking questions about the Bible, about different religions, and spiritual matters. She has been going to a Christian youth group with a friend of hers from school, even went to a weekend Bible camp. I gave her a "teen study Bible" and she was really pleased with it because she said she'd been trying to the read the Bible, but a lot of it was confusing to her. The teen study Bible includes questions teens frequently ask and Biblical applications for problems teens frequently face, so she really liked that. I am thrilled! It is so exciting to see her interested in spiritual matters and searching for the Truth. I wish she could have stayed longer so we could have talked some more.

But after Thanksgiving I had almost 5000 words to catch up on, and only a week left! If I averaged in those extra 5000 words, my daily word count needed to get bumped up to 2100 words a day. I was excited though, because I'm the type that can really perform when the pressure is on... and if the pressure is only for a short period, like a week. Writing like crazy caused my imagination to go into overdrive, and my novel was really taking shape... by week 4, I was in the homestretch, with about 90% of the novel behind me, just a few chapters left to go!
Then, I got sick!! The nasty stomach virus thing caught up with me, plus I was already running on severe sleep deprivation... my motivation to meet that 50,000 word goal quickly evaporated. I ended up only writing less than 1,000 words that last week.

But despite the disappointing end, NANOWRIMO was an incredible experience, and I'll definitely be trying it again next year, plus I'll be trying to talk all my writing friends into trying it, as well. The NANOWRIMO organizers would send out great motivational emails every week, plus lots of tips and tricks to "keep writing" and make your daily word count goal. One tip was to get together with a writing buddy and have "word wars". That's where you race against a stopwatch to see who could produce the most words in say, a half hour. Then you do another word war, and another, till 2 hours have passed and you have miraculously written over 2,000 words (even though your buddy still beat by typing 2002 words, so what? You just exceeded your word count for the day).

I have promised myself I'm not going to look back over what I've written until I've finished the book. I only have a few more chapters to go. FINISH IT! Then I will take the time to go back and start editing it. When you are racing to create vast quantities of words in a short period of time, there is sure to be lots of junk that needs to edited, or perhaps even deleted. But right now, I'm still in production mode. I'll save editing mode for 2008. And, hopefully sometime in 2008, I'll be able to get a good start on my NEXT novel. (and finish it by November, thanks to NANOWRIMO).

Now... I need to reaquaint myself with my husband and my kids and my poor neglected horses... oh yeah, and my poor neglected vacuum cleaner.

exhausted, but inspired

Five days into November... and I'm officially at 6,786 words out of my 50,000 goal for November (National Novel Writing Month). Whew. The first night was the hardest. I hadn't slept much the night before, and by 9pm when everyone was in bed I soooo wanted to go to bed, too. Writing 1667 words seemed as impossible as running a marathon.
Now I promised myself (and God) that I wouldn't write without devotions first, devotions being "time devoted to God" - reading the Word and praying. So here's my first dilemma: I was so tired, it seemed like one or the other. If I do devotions, I won't have time to write, I'll be too tired. If I go ahead and write, that's breaking a promise. So I spent time with God. If He wants me to succeed at this crazy writing contest thing, He'll have to provide the energy. And He did. I started writing at 10 pm and by 11 pm I had written 1010 words! Not quite the 1667 daily average, but absolutely amazing considering that last week it took me 2 1/2 hours to write that amount. When you ask God for help, boy does He give it!
Same scenario the following night. Even better: 1212 words. I don't know if what I'm writing is any good, but I'm on a roll, now. It's exciting. Ideas are flowing. I'm starting to think I can actually do this... actually FINISH my book by the end of November. (NaNoWriMo web pages warns newbies about this first flush of exurberance... they say by week 2 we won't be quite so optimisitic)
The next day it hits me: I'm 1000 words behind already, and another 1667 to add to that to stay "caught up" - wow, it's going to be incredibly easy to fall behind in this venture. So, pray about it first. I wrote during naps. I wrote while the kids watched movies. I wrote till midnight, and I finished at 2,685 words.
Last night I managed another 1859 words, finishing at 11pm (but that's with the time change in my favor). My mind is in overdrive: even after I stopped writing and made myself go to bed, I couldn't shut my brain off. I'm not sure how long I can keep this up, physically. I had to take an hour nap this morning while the twins took their nap, and it wasn't enough. I know from past experience that when I don't get enough sleep, I get grumpy. I get short with the kids (not to mention my husband, who thinks I'm insane to try to write the equivalent of 5 pages every night: he's dreading the 8 page paper he's got two weeks left to write). It's tempting to think: so what if I'm a little grumpy for the month of November. It's just one month in my life, and one month out of the 144 to 204 months that my kids have left to put up with me. My kids probably won't even remember the Month Mom Went Nuts by next year, or even next month (especially since next month is Christmas).
But God will know.
Need to keep checking in on Him about this. At what point does it switch from being a great motivator to write, to being a vain pursuit of selfish interests?

I signed myself up for NaNoWriMo (good grief)

Took my revised chapter 1 from last week to writer's group and had my three sympathetic writing addicts read it outloud. There is something about having someone else read your work outloud that really shouts at you, "this is good!" or "this is crap!" Unfortuately, I'm afraid it came out sounding somewhere in between - sophomoric, perhaps. Fluffy, almost. I really need to start out with something with more bite. Yeah, it's a story with talking animals, so that means no matter what it'll be marketed for kids, but I'm NOT writing for 6 year olds here. I am writing for kids who will most likely have read Harry Potter and want something a little edgy, with touches both of light and dark.

Read this in one of my writing newsletters and was intrigued enough to waste a couple hours on the website, culminating in signing myself up:

Yes we're drawing nearer and nearer that wonderful, creative, neurotic month where we celebrate, we laugh, we cry, and wemanically write until our brains melt out of our heads. We spend all night at the computer screen, and the next daytrying to shut off an overactive imagination long enough to accomplish our responsibilities. We struggle with time and energy constraints, over caffeination, sleep deprivation, and sometimes the frustration of a blank space where our thoughts should be. For the writers in the audience they know what I'm referring to. It's the month of frenzied writing. It's the month where we type until our fingers are numb. It's the month we ignore the garish marks of the spell checker telling our inner critic to shout at us, so that we will stop and edit. It's the month we push forward with one goal in mind: 50,000 words in 30 days. Which breaks down to roughly 1,667 words a day give or take a few. Yes, you guessed it. I'm referring to NaNoWriMo - http://nanowrimo.org (National Novel Writing Month). NaNoWriMo was founded in 1999 as a way to encourage everyone who wants to write a book, to do that very thing. Why? Becuase it's tons of fun!

Tons of fun? Well, in theory, I can agree. In practice... well, just to see how much I really *COULD* write in one day, I stared writing Friday night at 10:00pm when every one was in bed, and 2 1/2 hours later when I could push myself no further, I had just barely squeaked out 1,011 words. That's still 600 some words short -- and I have to acknowledge there's no way I can stay up past midnight every day of the month of November and still treat my family with any degree civility. But -- hey, even if I only manage to write 500 words a day, or even 200, that's still more than I'm accomplishing now. I did finish section 43 this week (my goal), largely thanks to that intense writing session Friday night.

I know should have prayed about this endeavor before signing myself up. Story of my life: leap first, check in with God later. Fortunately God's still in control, no matter which direction I go galloping off in. But He did make it very clear to me: if you're going to make a commitment to write every day for the month of November, you're also going to make a committment to Me: you're going to pray and read the Word every day, too - BEFORE you start writing. After all, I'm much more likely to succeed (and succeed in not having the rest of my life fall apart during this time, as well) if I'm in direct communication with the Creator of the universe, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light (1 Tim 6:16).