Shepherding a Child's Heart

What I'm thankful for - a couple weeks now of peace with my teenager. We're both enjoying each other for the moment and not clashing over every little thing. I have no wisdom to share for how this pleasant stage has been reached other than I've been praying a lot! 

What I'm struggling with -occasional moments of fear/anxiety (this is unusual for me): some completely irrational, and others stemming from trying to juggle a half-time job with home school. It's possible to do this - I've been doing it for a year and half now. But I still have the same doubts I've shared here before: did I take on too much? Are both sides weaker because I can't give either my 100%? I keep thinking about sending the girls back to school for the next school year, how they'll benefit from the structured schedule and increased interaction, and I'll benefit from having more time to make money (and an opportunity to shop at other places than at Wal Mart and Goodwill, or travel more). But then God reminds me about the long term benefits of time with my children vs. time to make more money. Here are a few beloved verses I keep coming back to:

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me (Phil 4:13)

He will supply all my needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:19)

 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? (Matt 6:25-27)

What God is teaching me - ways to have rich communication with my girls. I'm in a mom's Bible study where we are deep into scripture and reading Shepherding a Child's Heart. This is actually my second time through this book. The first time was about 6 years ago. Now I'm in a totally different stage with my girls, so when my friend Heather suggested she needed to go through this book again (because she's in a different parenting stage too), I jumped on board. It is so worth it studying these principles over again. Our goal should not be changing our children's behavior on the surface, but reaching their hearts.

Where I am in the Word - "His Glory" is my theme this year, so I've been studying verses on God's glory. Interestingly, the first mention of God's glory isn't until Exodus 16:7. So much more to share from my study I'm going to put it in its own post.

What I'm anticipating - a new-to-me car.  My car is 9 years old now, and we've been keeping our eyes open for a replacement but everything is just so expensive. We finally found a 2012 Dodge Grand Caravan with only 34,000 miles for $10,000. It will take $2,500 to fix it (it was in a side impact collision, only the doors and door divider were damaged). Because B. can do some of the work himself, its about a 3k savings!

What I'm reading - Besides re-reading Shepherding a Child's Heart, by Ted Tripp, I've been reading "Of Other Worlds" - essays by C.S. Lewis about stories and writing and his own books. Every page holds something both wise and delightful for my writer's heart and my Christian heart.

I'm reading On the Banks of Plum Creek with the girls for school, and Mara, Daughter of the Nile (because we've been studying ancient cultures, including Egypt).  I read On the Banks more than any of the other Little House books when I was a child - I'm sure I read it at least four or five times. I remember almost all of the story, but what I'm discovering re-reading it as an adult is Laura's marvelous descriptions of nature. As I've learned from living in Wyoming, the beauty of the prairie is subtle, and the sky is itself a dramatic landscape... what's surprising is finding these powerful, stunning descriptions in this young children's book,and reminding me of C.S. Lewis who said something along the lines that the best children's books are the ones you love as much as an adult.

What I'm writing - I've heard back from two of four agents who had either all or part of my young adult manuscript. They both gave me a compliment but "passed," one saying they wanted more characterization, the other saying they didn't connect with the characters. So I've been working on developing my characters more in that story, and also in the middle-grade story I'm writing for my girls, using writing exercises. See What's Inspiring Me below...

What's inspiring me - morning writing! Yes, you heard that right, a few times I have started writing early in the morning, even though I am NOT A MORNING person. What makes this work is that I don't do any structured writing: just free writing. Whatever spills out of my head while still in a sleepy fog (while I'm still in bed, even before my first cup of tea). I read somewhere that the best free writing comes when you've just woken up, or coming right out of a dream. I've also tried this waking-up-writing with a few character prompts (e.g. what are your character's worst fears; what's one moment in his/her life they wish they could change; what's one quality about them that other people don't like; one quality that others do like) - and I was surprised and pleased with the results. Maybe it's because while I'm still in a  sleepy fog my subconscious is closer to the surface? 

What I'm learning, and a dream revisited

What I'm thankful for - I've seen other people post "30 days of thanksgiving" in November on
Facebook, and I decided to do it this year (I'll sum it up in my 1000 gifts list, coming soon). But here are a few highlights: trips to Buffalo and Seattle. Getting to visit my stepdaughter, Stars (her screen name) and old friends.  My parents 50th anniversary.

What I'm struggling with - rising prices, B.'s hours at work cut back, realizing I can't afford some of the things I really want. I love to travel, but it's so expensive! B. and I were able to "piggyback" on my travel to Pittsburgh this fall for a conference for work; work paid for my plane ticket, so all we had to pay for was his plane ticket, a rental car and two nights hotel so that I could revisit my hometown, Buffalo and take B. around to all my old favorite places and visit some old friends. That short trip was a financial strain though. I realized then, we can't really afford to do this anymore.

What God is teaching me - I have this constant debate in my head: should I go back to work full time? I feel so blessed being able to work part time and home school, but it's hard to give up travel, and it's hard to give up little luxuries. For instance, I really want a new winter coat... I've had the same coat for 10 years now. (Good thing it's an LL Bean - it's still in incredible shape! Bean stuff lasts forever!) But other demands always come along: needing to get my daughter a winter coat, for instance. Or having to replace our printer. On the other hand, it's pretty awesome that whenever I really do need something it's always provided. That winter coat that Blaze needed? We found an absolutely gorgeous shearling coat for $10 at a consignment store. And as for giving up travel? Since Stars moved to Seattle this summer, we've been wanting to visit her, but we couldn't afford both the trip to Buffalo and to Seattle. But then the airlines gave B. a $500 voucher because his flight to Pittsburgh was overbooked and he got bumped to a later flight. And guess how much two tickets to Seattle cost? Yup, almost exactly $500. So we got to go to Seattle for a wonderful weekend visit with Stars. I just love how God works these things out.

It's hard as the financial strain increases,  but it's also amazing to see how God not only works it out to provide our needs, but even gives us our "wants" too, above and beyond needs.

Where I am in the Word - After a long stretch where I put aside Beth Moore's studies in order to study the Word on my own (1 and 2 Thessalonians), I'm now back to working through Beth Moore's "To Live is Christ" (the book of Acts).

Acts 23:10,11  And as a great dissension was developing, the commander was afraid Paul would be torn to pieces by them and ordered the troops to go down and take him away from them by force, and bring him into the barracks. But on the night immediately following, the Lord stood at his side and said, "Take courage; for as you have solemnly witnessed to My cause at Jerusalem, so you must witness at Rome also."

First of all, I'd never noticed before that simple statement, "the Lord stood at his side" and spoke to him. That gave me happy chills! Second of all, Beth Moore really challenged us to think about Paul's calling to Rome. Paul knew without a doubt that he would be God's witness at Rome; the Lord himself had stood beside him and told him! But he doesn't actually get to Rome for at least another two years, and then he arrived in chains. The study asked this question: 

"Can you think of something God revealed to you but that took years to fulfill?" 

I thought about this for a while, and then I remembered a dream I had about my parents, over 5 years ago.  In a nutshell, we were at a dinner with my parents, and a Christian friend of mine asked my parents if they knew Jesus. And they said they did! Even my father! And in the dream, I knew absolutely that they weren't just saying that; they really believed. They had saving faith. 

Was that dream a promise from God? I can't say absolutely for sure: but I CAN say it wasn't sent by Satan, that's for sure! I still have faith that this wonderful thing will happen: my parents will confess saving faith. I don't know if it will happen like it did in my dream, and I don't know WHEN it will happen... but I am going to stubbornly cling to my belief that it WILL happen, someday, somehow.

But faith can't just be passive. I need to share the Word with my parents. I haven't, for a whole year now, even though that last time I got to share with them was absolutely amazing! (the story of that is here) But it's time again now to put some action along with faith.  

James 2:21,22: But was not our father Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. 

In September and October, Blaze and Dreamer and I were reading Voice in the Wind, by Francine Rivers. That book is just amazing for raising good things to discuss with the girls about marriage, being unequally yoked, belief and sin, not to mention history (it's set after the fall of Jerusalem, in ancient Rome and Ephesus). It's one of my all time favorite books and I've read it at least 5 times now; the girls loved it too (and are begging me to read the sequel, now). At one point near the end as I was reading to the girls, a conversation between Marcus and Hadassah moved me to tears (pages 426-428, which is based on the story of guards at the tomb in Matthew 28, and how they were bribed). Marcus is trying to prove to Hadassah how useless her faith in her unseen God is. And meanwhile her heart is breaking as she sees how lost and unhappy he is. His arguments were ones my father would approve of: all the reasons why he thinks its foolish to believe in Christianity. To every Biblical defense Hadassah gave, Marcus had a smart and worldly answer. Until Hadassah turns to Marcus's dying father and asks him this: 

"If you stare into the sun and look away, you see the sun, my lord. If you stare at death, you see death. Where does hope lie?" 

His eyes flickered. He leaned back slowly. "I have no hope."

Marcus turned. He saw the dullness in his father's eyes, the pain etched in his face. Marcus was suddenly filled with deep shame. Maybe he had been wrong. Maybe it was better to have false hope than no hope at all.

This broke my heart, because my father is slowly dying of Parkinson's. He does not speak of it, but he must be looking at death: what hope does he have?  I have hope that transcends death, and I must keep sharing it with him. I keep praying for the courage to share, and praying for God to work His miracle, and lift the veil so my father can finally see the truth. 

My plan for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow is to share Isaiah 61:1-3 with my parents:

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, 
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of joy instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. 

What I'm reading-I haven't read anything on my own in November because it's NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) and I'm concentrating on my writing. But for school, I've been reading Anne of Green Gables to the girls (more about that below). In October I read C.S. Lewis's Letters to Children (I can't let a year go by without reading C.S. Lewis!) and I finished reading the Magician's Nephew to the girls as our bedtime story. (More great discussion with the girls about this story: saving that for my 1000 gifts list, coming soon)

What I'm writing -While I wait to hear back from four agents (!!!!) who requested pages of my science fiction manuscript (thanks to #pitmad and #pitchwars) I am keeping myself occupied by getting back to work on my very first of my four stories, my "baby." Here's what I wrote to my writing buddy N.L.W.:  "I'm really stuck on the Valley. Your first book is your hardest and man this book is hard. I have this vision in my head of what I want it to be, but I can't even fully articulate it much less write it. Good news though: I tried my old trick of journaling out my frustrations and it really helped. Right after that I started to get ideas again."

What's both hurt and helped me this month is that the girls and I have been reading Anne of Green Gable for school. It's hard to be reading such excellent literature (and I do consider it literature!) when you are struggling to write your own; everything I write comes out so weak in comparison. L.M. Montgomery's characters are so dramatic and real; even quiet Matthew shines. Her settings are  magical. Anne's rapturous descriptions still make me smile, and her escapades make us all laugh and make the girls beg me to keep reading! This book is really pushing me to make my book better: to really dig deep, to find my passion and pour it out. To really examine my characters and play their hearts out across the page; to really look at my settings and find not just the beauty, but the mood; and what the beauty means; what the moods mean.

What I'm anticipating - being home for Thanksgiving. I love to travel, but I also love to be at home!

What's inspiring me - Anne of Green Gables and my writing are inspiring me on my creative side. My bible study in Acts is providing spiritual inspiration. My Overeaters Anonymous group provides me with strength and inspiration in the physical realm. We now have 5 regular attendees!  One of them (J) shared last week about how compulsive eating fogs up his mind and puts him in survival mode, where it's all about him and he doesn't have anything left over for other people. But when he's eating mindfully, not compulsively, he finds both clarity of mind and delight in focusing on others. That is so true for me, too. Our greatest fulfillment comes not from pleasing ourselves, but from pleasing the others in our lives.

Simply sitting in a beautiful place

This post isn't a book review, it's really how a book helped me discover something about myself I'd almost forgotten. And it also provided refreshment for a time when I've been struggling with doubt. I was warned that there would be seasons of doubt with home schooling, and this fall has certainly been one.  I'm struggling to balance my part time job and school (feel like I'm always rushing from one thing to the next!); struggling with finances as the cost of everything continues to increase (and our wages decrease!); struggling with a teenage daughter that argues with me about everything I ask her to do (at least, it feels that way). 

But there are good times along the way, too. Some days we have great discussions about books we've read or about science we're learning; some days I get surprise hugs;  some days I'm blown away by the connections the girls make with things they're learning presently and what they've learned in the past. Some days, I discover a wonderful treasure like Pocketful of Pinecones, by Karen Andreola. This book was a wonderful reminder that you don't have to travel far or attempt great things in order to find delight and wonder in the world, or to help our children see it either. 

The book is "a teacher's guide to nature study, cleverly disguised as a heartwarming story written in the form of a mother's diary" (set in 1935-36). I didn't feel like I was being taught about different home school techniques; I was simply reading a story... and learning along the way.

Before the great busyness of marriage and motherhood took over my life, I used to constantly be out hiking and camping, looking things up in my nature guides as I went, or just simply sitting in a beautiful wild place. I didn't sketch anything, as this book recommends, but I was always journaling, writing about everything beautiful that caught my eye, or my heart (I called such inspiration "Skya" - and when it fired up my imagination to write stories, I called that inspiration "Akina," a "keen urge to write"). The book reminded me of my own great love of learning about nature through simply being outside in the midst of it, soaking it up, and taking time to observe all the details. 

I have missed that stage of my life so much, but immediately after beginning this book I took the morning off from homeschooling, picked up two sketch books and a pack of colored pencils, and drove my girls and I up to the nearby Medicine Bow National Forest. How often have I appreciated that we can be from the city into the wilderness in just a 15 minute drive? Into beautiful places like the beaver ponds off of Happy Jack road, or the amazing rock formations of Vedauwoo. The girls sketched trees, stumps, acorns, birds, and squirrels. I sat on a rock in the center of a tiny creek and watched golden leaves float past me, listened to hawk calls and felt moss under my fingertips and smelled sun-warmed pines. My ten year old asked me to carry some pinecones she’d found in my pocket, as her pockets were already full. That made me smile – a Pocketful of Pinecones, indeed. 

We go to Happy Jack and Vedauwoo quite frequently, but it's been a long time since I've slowed down to really soak it in. To take time to notice all the details. For some reason this also reminded me how at the beginning of the school year I taped up a pretty piece of note paper on my cupboard door where I keep my tea cups, so I would remember to look at it every day: it's a simple list of things I want to remember to do. Like remembering to sing a song to my girls when I tuck them in at night. Remembering to share my favorite verses with them. Remembering to be a help-meet to B. Every morning I open that cupboard and get a mug and a teabag, and stand there waiting for the electric kettle to boil. I just stand there... but how often do I remember to look at my note? It's right here in front of me! How easy it is to miss what is right in front of you! 

A bit more about the book: the fictional diary of Carol begins in 1935 in New England, as she begins to teach her two children about nature study in city backyards and parks, and transitions to the countryside later in the book. She writes a little about Charlotte Mason and her philosophy and methods of home school, which seem simple and yet wonderfully wise. The diary includes good days and bad days, happy days and sad ones, wash days and canning days, snowshoeing days and sleigh ride days, shopping days and simple stay at home days. Carol writes of many things that would worry a mom in the 1930's and that continue to worry moms in the present.

Some of my favorite parts: 

My students have a lifetime ahead of them in which to observe and discover – to become self-educated in their leisure, so to speak. My job is to allow their feet to walk the paths of wonder, to see that they form relations with various things, so that when the habit is formed, they will carry an appreciation for nature with them throughout their lives.

When asked about why she’d taken her children out of school: 

I don’t know how to fully explain my desire to teach my children at home myself. The classes in the school are so large and Emily was labeled as “slow” in reading and arithmetic, but it’s more than that. Don was losing his sense of wonder. He was bored. It seemed that his lights were going out, for lack of a better expression. Emily and Dan were losing a spark of curiousity and a love of knowledge that they had when they first started school. I wanted to get it back. And I think I am getting it back by homeschooling....

Another quote: 

I wrapped my shawl around my shoulders more tightly and stood in the doorway of the children’s bedroom, brooding over them while they slept. I sometimes do this at home when Michael works late. It gives me comfort and it’s easier to pray for them this way.

 Ah, thank you Lord for a good book to remind me to simply sit and soak up the beauty you put everywhere: whether in a golden autumn forest, by kitchen cupboard, or outside my children's bedrooms late at night. 

1000 gifts: favorite verses and the Magician's Nephew

I'm finally catching up with my 1000 gifts list. These gifts are from September.

888. Mutton busting
Dreamer, Serious and Starlet got to try riding a sheep (mutton busting) for the first time at a Labor Day ranch rodeo - discovered it's a lot harder staying on a sheep than on a horse!

889. Baby lizard
Also at the ranch rodeo the girls found a baby horned lizard, barely an inch long

890. B. reading The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-time Indian
In one day, no less! I've only known B. to read one other book (one of C.J. Box's Wyoming mysteries) since we've been married, and I've never known him to read anything so fast. We both absolutely loved this book, it is so funny and a little sad, too... about a 14 year old Native boy who leaves the Spokane reservation to go to high school in a neighboring white community where he can get more opportunities - but at the cost of being rejected by his friends on the Rez

891. A bright sunny morning after the rain. Glistening streets and sidewalks

892. Keeping track of triumphs
This is something I learned at an OA meeting: looking for little (or big) triumphs during the day: resisting temptation

893. Sharing my favorite verses for home school
 We've been studying each book of the Bible, the major themes and events, and also my own favorite verse from each book (based on my highlights over the years). Here's my list so far

Genesis 50:19,20 Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good, to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

Exodus 14:14  The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.

Leviticus 9:23,24  The glory of the Lord appeared to all the people. Fire came out from the presence of the Lord and consumed the burnt offering...when all the people saw it, they shouted for joy and fell face down.

Numbers 23:19 God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?

Deuteronomy 6:4-7: Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.

Joshua 1:8,9  Do not let this Book depart from your mouth; meditate upon it day and night so that you may be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord Your God will be with you where ever you go.

Ruth 2:12  May the LORD repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the LORD, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge. (love the imagery of the Lord having wings!)

894. The stars singing in the Magician's Nephew
One day during home school I shared a verse that had recently stirred my heart during my daily reading (Deut. 32:10-13:  how the Lord carried Israel like an eagle that stirs up its nest [stirs up our lives] and hovers over its young, that spreads its wings to catch them, and carries them on its pinions" - and told them my hope was that someday God would show them special verses that would become their favorites, too. Dreamer asked me to share the verses God gave me when I got saved, so I read Job 38:1-8 to them.

Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm. He said:
“Who is this that obscures my plans with words without knowledge?
Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.
“Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand.
Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it?
On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone—
while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?

And Blaze said, "Oh that's like the part in the Magician's Nephew when Aslan sang the stars into existence and the stars joined in his song!"  When we had read this part a few weeks earlier, I had mentioned how this part of the story meant so much to me, but it was especially wonderful to have Blaze remember it, too!

 Then two wonders happened at the same moment. One was that the voice was suddenly joined by other voices; more voices than you could possibly count. They were in harmony with it, but far higher up the scale: cold, tingling, silvery voices. The second wonder was that the blackness overhead, all at once, was blazing with stars. They didn’t come out gently one by one, as they do on a summer evening. One moment there had been nothing but darkness; next moment a thousand, thousand points of light leaped out – single stars, constellations, and planets, brighter and bigger than any in our world. There were no clouds. The new stars and the new voices began at exactly the same time. If you had seen and heard it , as Digory did, you would have felt quite certain that it was the stars themselves who were singing, and that it was the First Voice, the deep one, which had made them appear and made them sing

895. Trail ride in the fall colors of Happy Jack, just B. and I

896. B. fixing my car's brakes and saving us so much money

897. Pop up camper
B. bought me a used pop up camper last year, and we finally got to use it this September when we visited his sister Melissa's home in Kansas. We all loved it!!! It fit our  family just perfectly and was surprisingly roomy and comfy to sleep in, but it still has that "tent" feeling to it that I love, closer to nature than a regular hard sided camper (those feel too enclosed for me).

898. the Mommy tax
On the long drive back from Kansas, whenever we would stop for snacks, I'd ask the girls to share just a little of their treats with me - we call it the "mommy tax"

899. Blaze's first "three phase event"
We missed the Laramie three-phase event earlier in September because we were in Kansas, but we able to make it to the one in Cheyenne at the end of September for Blaze to compete in. Eventing involves three phases: dressage, cross-country jumping and show jumping. Blaze loves the cross-country phase, which is where the jumps are spread out over a large (several mile long) course and include obstacles like water jumps, ditches, jumping off banks, and jumping uphill and downhill.

Blaze and Spring practicing at the warm-up jump at the Cheyenne event

900. the darklight
One of my favorite part of autumn are glimpses of "the darklight" you get in a forest when the sunlight shines down through changing autumn leaves and evergreen trees. I got a glimpse of this magical light on one of our trail rides and then again when I took the girls up to Happy Jack with their nature notebooks. I snuck off on my own, while the girls were on their assignment to sketch, to enjoy the peace and quiet and lose myself in the beauty. I first remember doing this when I was in 6th grade and my class spent an over night at a lodge in the woods. On a nature walk I purposefully fell behind everyone else so I could on a little footbridge over a stream and just soak up the beautiful autumn. Later in high school on another school trip to Allegheny State Park, I went off on my own again in the forest to have some time alone in my autumn revelry, lying on the ground and looking up through the trees, watching the play of golden and darklight.

901. finally understanding a confusing Bible verse
from Sarah Young's Jesus Lives: I have new insight into the parable of the three servants the Master gave talents to, a parable I've always struggled with understanding. "I was afraid, so I hid your talent in the ground." The harder the circumstances, the more treasure there is to be found if we don't shrink back but go out and invest what God has given us. It is He that multiplies it.

Made to Crave

Made to Crave delves into much more than losing weight and emotional eating habits; it addresses spiritual aspects in many different areas of life. It's really all connected.

Lysa starts with addressing the question, is losing weight even a spiritual issue at all? Isn’t it just a physical issue? 

When you’ve tried and failed as many times as I have, you start to feel gun-shy about trying again. I’d lose the weight, feel great for a couple of months, deceive myself into thinking I could return to old habits, and all the weight would creep back on. I’d failed at finding lasting victory with every other attempt. 

...why in heavens would I want to add spiritual guilt on top of my physical guilt?

...Guilt wrapped in shame is a terrible burden to carry. Guilt always came when I knew I was making poor choices and could see the scale numbers climbing. Shame came when my weight gain became apparent to everyone else in the world. Battling something so raw, so deeply personal was hard; knowing my failures were apparent to everyone else added humiliations to my toxic stew of emotions.

Yes, the physical struggle was hard enough. I certainly didn’t want to drag down my spiritual life with this struggle as well.

But here’s the problem: whether or not I wanted to admit it, my weight issues were already dragging me down spiritually....I needed spiritual motivation to step in where my physical determination falls short. So I started reading the Bible from the perspective of someone struggling with food issues. Though I had read the Bible many times and have even taught Bible studies for years, I’d missed how much God cares about and talks about this issue. Tucked within this book written thousands of years ago are some of the most astounding and life-changing truths directly applicable to this modern-day unhealthy eating epidemic.

From Day 10: 

Why do we crave?

The definition of craving is something you long for, want greatly, desire eagerly, and beg for. God made us to crave so that we’d always desire more of Him. 

Don’t read over that last sentence too quickly. Go made us to crave Him. But Satan wants to do everything possible to replace our craving for God with something else. I like how the New Living Translation puts this:

Do not love this world nor the things it offers you… for the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. (I John 2:15,16)

This passage details three ways Satan tries to lure us away from loving God. And Satan used these very same tactics the first time he tempted humankind through Eve:

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food [physical craving] and pleasing to the eye [material craving] and also desirable for gaining wisdom [significance craving], she took some and ate it. (Genesis 3:16). 

Eve kept her focus on the object of her desire. The Scriptures give us no indication she tried to check in with God or Adam. She didn’t walk away and truly consider this choice. And she certain didn’t take time to consider the consequences.

...Interestingly, Satan later applied the same three tactics he used with Eve when he tempted Jesus, in Matthew 4. ….While Eve focused on the object of her temptation, Jesus kept His focus on God’s truth. He refuted each of Stan’s lures with Scripture. 

...When we face our own cravings, will be we like Eve, focusing on our object of desire? Or will we be like Jesus, pausing, reciting truth, and remembering what matters most? Temporary satisfaction or true contentment? 

Just as I must have physical food for my body to survive, I must have to have spiritual food for my soul to thrive. Jesus says, “My food is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish His work. (John 4:34). And He goes on to say , ”I tell you, open your eyes and looks at the fields! They are ripe for Harvest.”

There is bigger plan here! Don’t get distracted by physical food... it can’t satisfy the longing of your soul. Only Jesus can do this. Our souls were created to crave Him and love others to Him. 

The first time I read this, I only picked up on how food can’t satisfy our soul; only God can fulfill that craving. The second time reading, while typing this up, I picked up the second part that I had glazed right over the first time (no doubt because of my fixation with food!): we’re created to crave Him AND love others to Him. I wonder how often when I’m reading or studying the Bible that I pick up part of what God’s saying, but totally miss other parts?

But that’s the reason why God says the Word should be our daily bread; we should partake of it daily, just as we do food. The meal we ate last nite does not benefit us all week, we need to keep eating. The same with the Word. We can’t expect to live healthy spiritual lives if we rely on one reading of the Word a week! 

And this passage taught me as I read it again that I can replace my craving for food with a craving for God, but that craving God will also necessarily result in my eyes being opened to see the harvest in the fields – other people who need God too. Now if I thought turning to God instead of binging on food to fill an emotional need was hard, it’s even harder for me to tell others about God if I don’t know how they’ll receive it. I’m scared they’ll sneer at me. But God says the fields are ripe for harvest. Someone out there is ready (ripe) to hear the Word of God. 

Each devotion ends with a short one or two sentence prayer. Don’t skip these! I’m often tempted to skip other people’s prayers and come up with my own instead. This is fine, too, but still read what Lysa writes here, because otherwise you’ll miss one of the crucial steps that doesn’t show up in the rest of the text.

What I mean is that the text is insightful and encouraging, but it often plays out this formula: “Now that you’re enlightened, go do this.” But how often have I been enlightened by reading and studying the Word, and I head out all fired up to apply it in my life and I succeed for a day or two, and then slip. I lose my focus; other things get in the way. Then several weeks later when I realize what’s happened, I feel like a failure!

What’s missing here is the crucial understanding, so, so, so crucial, that “apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). On our own, even with the best of intention and motivation, we’ll quickly run out of steam, and ultimately fail. Change is hard. Everything is against us making true, lasting change. It’s been a long slow learning process, but I’m learning I can only change by leaning (sometimes even falling) on Jesus the whole way. Remembering that God’s power is made perfect in weakness. Remembering that my own will power always fails, so I must call on God’s power instead. This serves the triple purpose of strengthening us, keeping us close to God, and keeping us humble. 

If you don’t read the prayers at the end of each devotion, you will miss this crucial point, and find yourself one day dusting this book off your shelf and sighing “that was such a good book! Too bad it didn’t work for me.” Of course no book will work for you! It’s just a book! (except the Bible). All books can do is give us new insight and then point us toward God and his truths. There is where the true power lays. 

Don’t be fooled into thinking that once you understand, you can do it. Not without God on a daily basis you can’t! And the bigger the change in your life you want, and the longer you want it to last, the closer you must draw to God, talking to Him and listening to Him, often in a moment-to-moment relationship if you’re an addict facing strong temptations and cravings.

I really recommend reading Made to Crave as part of a group, or joining a group of other believers desiring to address this aspect of their spiritual and physical lives. I tried connecting with friends at church on this issue, and didn't have success, but I kept trying and eventually connected with a wonderful Overeaters Anonymous group applying the 12 steps with the God of the Bible as our higher power. I am not sure if could have applied what I learned in Made to Crave on my own; I needed the accountability, encouragement and feedback from face-to-face meetings with other people who understood my weaknesses and struggled with it themselves. 

But back to the book: I often find myself wishing I had a closer relationship with God, but there are days when I read his word that the words don’t sink in, and days when I pray where I feel I’m talking to the wall. Several of the devotionals in Made to Crave address this problem too:

Then Jesus said to them: Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.

I want this kind of all-out pursuit with God. But what does this look like in today’s culture?

I think part of what it means is breaking old habits to create space in my heart for new growth.

In reality, God desires our sacrifice – our turning from selfish ways – not for His benefit, but for ours. For instance, I stopped watching TV for season. I realized I was turning the TV when I felt must depleted – and when I’m most depleted, I soak up deeply whatever I take in. Why would I want to soak in deeply the entertainment of this world and not things that breathe life back into me? I broke the old habit of watching TV and created space in my heart for new growth.

Another example is my commitment to do nothing else each morning – including checking my phone or turning on the computer – before I open up God’s word. I used to wake up eager to tune into the world. I’d soon be sucked into answering this email, reading that Twitter post, and returning phone calls. Before I new it, half my days was gone, and I hadn’t let God prepare my heart for any of it. So I broke the old habit and created space in my heart for new growth. 

Right now I’m intentionally sacrificing sugar and processed food that turn into sugar once consudedm. Tyes, I want to maintain my weight loss. But this journey is so much more than just that. It really is about learning to tell myself no and learned to make wiser choices daily.

...Am I saying all my Jesus girlfriends need to do the same? No more TV, no more checking your computer and phone first thing in the morning? No sugar? Nope. These aren’t things I think everyone needs to do. They were personal practices for my own benefit. I’m not asking you to follow me; I’m saying to follow whole-heartedly after God. Ask Him. Seek Him. Do what He tells you.

Seven words to change your family

I have been reading so many good books lately, and they deserve some attention here on my blog. Last fall I encountered my first James MacDonald book, "Lord Change My Attitude" through my womens' Bible study, and then this spring we read two more of his, "Seven Words to Change Your Family" and "Gripped by the Greatness of God."

I want to write about all three of them but I'll start with "Seven Words to Change Your Family." I actually finished reading this in February, but this month we ran smack into a big family upheaval, so I figured it would be good to go back and review this and write down some important principles.

There are three healing words: forgiveness, blessing, honor; three building words:  truth, church, commitment  and one transforming word, love.

MacDonald has the gift for getting right to the heart of the matter; and his Bible study is both incisive and yet accessible. Some of his words, like forgiveness and love are obvious; but he pointed out some things about the process of forgiveness that I hadn't realized - it really is an ongoing process, not just a one time event. 

Some of his other words I hadn't really thought about before, like what it means to as an adult to honor our parents, or what it means to bless our children. 

In blessing our children, the author uses the example of Isaac and Jacob blessing their sons, and from other biblical examples he shows how to speak words of affection, words of reconciliation, words of vision "you're going to make a difference in this world", and words of security.

We need to be pouring a spiritual vision into our children. We don't want them to just get by; we want them to be the super conquerors that Christ Jesus has created them to be. A spiritual vision. "You are going to walk with God. You're going to be a godly man or woman. God is going to use your life."

And:

...When the blessing is given, a child emerges into adulthood able to answer to the three most important questions in life: 1. Who am I? (a question of identity) 2. Why am I here? (a question of security) 3. Where am I going? (a question of confidence)

Matt 3:16-17 tells us that the heavens were opened and the Spirit of God descended in the form of a dove. And a voice came from heaven, saying, "This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well-pleased." Isn't that great? God the Father Himself modeled the importance of affirmation.

Another part that really struck me; this is from the chapter on truth.

We only get so many words in our families. The older our kids get, the fewer words we have with them. What are you going to spend your words on? "clean up your room!" "I asked you five times to take out the garbage!" Is that how you are going to spend your words? Like that's going to have a big impact! I fear we're wasting our words on issues of little value, and then we're too exhausted to pour into our families the kind of truth that can be fountain of life to them. Instead, let's choose words of truth that build and guide and that establish a foundation of wisdom.

Lord, keep me from wasting my words with my kids! Right now they will listen to me when I talk about You - when I talk about anything. When they are older, I know they won't listen or if they do they won't value what I say as much. This something we're we're facing right now:

Then there's the opposition of emotional distance. Perhaps you have teenagers who call you uncool and unloving, and they won't see for many years the values of the truths on which you are building your family and refusing to compromise. I plead with you not to back down, no matter ho many hurtful words they say or rolled eyes you must endure. In the major things, do what's right even if it sets off a war in your home. Draw the line. When your kids become adults and are raising their own kids, they will know that you did what was best for them

Here's a principle I really want to teach my kids:

Every time God says "Don't" - as in "Don't harbor unforgiveness" what He's saying is "Don't hurt yourself." In other words, when you choose to sin, you choose to suffer.

...My capacity to forgive is directly related to my comprehension of how much God loves me. When my concept of God is very small, my capacity to love others is very small as well.... so often I see that the Lord's people need to have a breakthrough in their understanding. God doesn't love like our parents. God doesn't love according to our human experiences. God loves fully and unconditionally. That's what we're after.

...Periodically, I will invite the perfect people in our church to stand, and thus far we have found none. We are all fallen people, not just in principle but in practice (James 3:2 "We all stumble in many ways"

Another thing I want to do in my family, create a poster that hangs in a prominent place in our house, like the author's house,  that displays our 5 most important family principles:

1) Love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and mind (Matt 22:38)

2) Love your neighbor as yourself  (Matt 22:39) and your closest neighbors are your family. "We are together in this, and we'll get through this together"

3) Work hard, without complaining for the glory of God (Philippians 2:14 and Colossian 3:17)

4) Always tell the truth and seek to learn God's truth (2 Tim 3:16,17)

5) Be kind and compassionate to one another (Ephesians 4:32)

The section on honoring our parents was unexpectedly heartbreaking. The author shared several letters that brought tears to my eyes, first of callous and neglectful treatment of aging parents by their adult children, and one by a man who took the time to thank his parents and spend extra time with them, and was so thankful he did because his mother died unexpectedly shortly afterward. The book also includes a tribute that James wrote himself to his parents. 

Some more quotes:

You are not standing for the truth unless you are doing so at the specific point where the truth is being resisted.... you can be standing for the truth in fifteen different places, but if you are conceding at the very point of oppositon, you are not building your home on truth. 

...God's Word has never been tried and found lacking. Never! However, it has often been found difficult and therefore not tried. 

... It is absolutely vital for us to understand that truth is most powerfully taught in the context of relationship.

One last excellent thing, this from the chapter on commitment:

Commitment is the defining characteristic of a person's life...there are people who keep their commitments and there are people who don't. It's the watershed issue. Which person are you?