My Spiritual 20th Year Anniversary

Twenty years ago, sometime on or around November 16, 1993, I challenged God to prove himself to me, because without proof I could not believe in him. And he took my challenge.

His infinite glory dwelling inside me

He proved himself to me in Job 38:1-7, through the Bible, which I thought was just a bunch of dusty old sayings and bizarre stories.  But those verses touched something deep down in my soul, and I came out of the experience surprised, a little shaken, and very awed.

Twenty years later... what a journey it's been!  A wonderful journey, full of adventure but also some dark and scary places, but I know God was with me through every shadowy valley, and every high and beautiful place.

I want to celebrate some way, but I'm not sure how. other than I know I want to express my thankfulness and joy. How does one celebrate a spiritual anniversary? I could invite my friends and family to a party, but I'm not a party kind of girl. I'm a write-a-story kind of girl. I've been sharing my story here on this blog for the past six years, and it's my way of celebrating my life and my spiritual journey.

Here's what I found on Beth Moore's blog today, My Soul Knows, and it struck me as just the sort of thing I want to talk about on my 20th anniversary of becoming a redeemed daughter of God, sister of Christ.

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    Marvelous are Your works,
    And that my soul knows very well.

     Psalm 139:14 NKJV

It’s the last line that I love so much. Life is hard and all our unanswered questions and unsolvable mysteries can make us feel like we’re getting sucked further and further into a black hole. We can come to the conclusion that there is really very little that we can know and, for the most part, we earthlings are victims of gravity, the soles of our feet stuck to the dirt and growing more callous by the day....

My challenge to you in the midst of all our questions is to behold what we each – individually, not corporately – really do know all the way into the dark folds of our souls. Here’s the 2-part assignment:

1. Complete this sentence: Right now I don’t have any idea… (pick only one thing, the thing that you find most confusing right now or most removed from your knowledgeable reach).

2. But these things my soul knows very well: (Write 5 things you know – really, really know – even in the black of night, even when you don’t feel well, even amid your thousands of other questions.)

So here's my answers:

One thing I don't know, that kind of bothers me:

I don't know if I'm in sin because I still struggle to tell other people about Jesus. If they are interested, oh yes, then I love to share; but if they are annoyed because I'm pushing my beliefs on them, then I don't want to share. Is that selfish? Cowardly? I don't know. I respect other people's beliefs and don't want to trample them. Does it disappoint my God? I don't know. I've been talking to God about it, but so far he hasn't answered me.

But these things I know very well, with all my heart:

1. I know God is real and that he loves me. Yes, every once in a while I wonder if I'm delusional, or maybe brainwashed. But I keep coming back to this: God and His Word are the most amazing and precious things to me. I have come to know him more and more over these past twenty years, and I am thankful for every minute. The relationship continues to grow. He continues to shows me new insights that fill me with wonder.

2. I know I can absolutely trust God. He is absolutely sovereign and in control; he works all things for the good of those that love him and are called according to his purpose. He allows bad things to happen to us for reasons we can't fully comprehend, but the story of Job has shown me again and again that it is ALL WORTH IT.

3. I know that on my own, I am powerless. My head can twist itself up in dangerous thinking, that will lead to isolation, depression, over-eating, and self-loathing, and hurting my loved ones.  I have found freedom in admitting my weakness. Glorious freedom.

4. I know that Heaven is REAL and I can't wait to get there. I know this earth is broken and running down, but I know God will create something new and wonderful and free of darkness, and we will get to explore it for all eternity.

5. I know that I am made in the image of God, and that he has endowed me - and every human being - with a soul that is precious, no matter how dirty or broken it may have become. He has put a little of himself in each of us, and gifted us with amazing creativity. He delights in creation, and he has given us that delight, also.

A life spent following Jesus isn't easy. But the best things aren't produced by "easy" ways. These twenty years have been full... and fulfilled. My life has not been wasted. I am so thankful. 

If you have found this page by some odd chance, take a moment to celebrate with me by leaving a comment, please! Share with me: what do you know, from the deepest part of your soul?