Friday, January 24, 2014

My theme for 2014: Surrender

In 2012  my theme for the year was Seeking God; in 2013 my theme was Prayer. As I shared last year about this time, I've always failed miserably with resolutions, but this idea of choosing just one thing as my theme for the year has had more results - especially since I started picking godly things for my theme.

Prayer has never been my strong point. I love studying the Bible and memorizing verses, but I would love to also be a prayer warrior, not a prayer weakling. I'm still on again, off again with prayer but having this as my theme last year did help significantly - as well as several really hard twists in our lives (in March, in April, and in June) that left me with no option except to pray. I kept up with it not quite daily but at least several times a week until I got ultra busy in the fall with home school.

Some major things from 2013:

1) My dad's Parkinsons disease taking over more and more and B.'s mom's cancer taking over more and more. God gave me an amazing witnessing opportunity with both my dad and mom, but I still don't have the fellowship with them as believers that I long for. Same with B's parents.

2) In 2012 I learned how freeing it is to not try to control people - namely my husband and teen stepdaughter, even a few situations with my younger daughters. 2013 really, REALLY challenged me again in this area.

3) Thanks to working the 12 steps and support of Overeaters Anonymous I lost 10 pounds in 2012 and another 10 pounds in 2013! - and kept it off! (though I confess Thanksgiving and Christmas I did slip up and regained 5 pounds; I've lost 3 pounds again so far in January).

4) Rediscovering an unresolved issue going all the way back to my teen years helped me identify and start working on a big issue I struggle with currently, having to do with honesty. Going through the 12 steps in OA meetings this year  helped me figure all this out, but interestingly, it was starting home schooling that indirectly helped curtail the problem.

5) Insecurity at church and work. The insecurity at work was also indirectly helped by homeschooling... too long of an explanation to share right now. The other insecurity still looms. It's not really church persay, but connecting with people there. A small revelation was "forced" upon me in June that I've been mulling over but not yet really acting on.

6)  I stayed depression-free! (two years now depression free). Thank you, vitamin D pills, but more importantly, thank you God for this great, great gift.

7) After years of debate, I started home schooling and discovered I loved it! (not sure if my girls quite "love it", but they're going along with it and I'm loving the extra time with them.

So now I come to my theme for 2014. Last month I started thinking about this and I think God impressed on me to choose Surrender (also, Humility. They're sort of related). I struggle with control, and I struggle with giving up my time, and I still struggle with eating when  I shouldn't  and what I shouldn't... all things that have to do with my will. This year I want to focus on surrendering my will to God's.

I feel like Surrender also encompasses my earlier themes of Prayer and Seeking God, too. 

No surprise, barely a week into the new year, I right away was faced with a tough situation I wasn't expecting... and was faced with having to Surrender something to God - or otherwise fret over it and try to control it.  My 12 year old daughter Blaze has developed a bad attitude about going to church with us, and when I questioned her more about it, she said she has no interest in the Bible, or in God or Jesus.

This is still so raw it's hard to write about it. I wanted to jump all over her and shake her and.... sigh... still can't write about this, except to say - Oh Lord! I surrender her to You.

1 comment:

  1. Oh are so honest here and I thank you for sharing what you have been working through. The 12 year old daughter IS in God's is so difficult in today's world to raise teenagers, isn't it? I have one daughter who questioned us on a certain spiritual thing and we basically told her that as long as she is living under our roof there are certain expectations that we won't budge on. Meaning, we do pick our battles (I don't care that she wanted highlights but she had to pay for them her self or wait for birthday money) but when it came to spiritual things she had to follow our rules. The "rebellion" only lasted a short time and thankfully with the Lord's help we got through it. I am happy that you found your theme for the year and that you have done the 12 step program. Praise God!! Keep pressing in to HIm....He loves us so........I will pray for your 12 yr old (my difficult 12 yr old is now 15 and it does get easier I promise!!)