Note: I started writing this in June; it's now over six months later (January, 2014) but I only now feel able to put this post up.
In June, something happened that made me feel humiliated, and I ran away from my home and went up to the mountains for an hour to get the tears out of my system. Crying out: God, what are you trying to teach me here, with this humiliation? (Six months later: I'm still thinking about this...)
What a tough year it's been so far.... This following on the heels of a couple other really tough things, stuff I don't even want to mention again. And yet, through these trials I am learning so much. And the blessings keep pouring in, too, like these...
640. How beautiful this summer is, it takes my breath away!
to more color, or richer color, somehow. The skies are a landscape
painting. Love my evening walks. No mosquitos this summer! Lush
wildflowers, scent everywhere.
641. An agent requesting more pages of my book
A few days after my meltdown, I got an email from an agent (C.H.) that she read my samples pages and liked my premise and requested another 100 pages to read! This made me feel so much better, like maybe I am supposed to be a writer/author... But still, God, what are teaching me? I want to know and live your will and lean not on my own understanding.
642. Summer, Dreamer's new horse
643. Steps 4 and 5 in the AA/OA Twelves steps
through steps 4 and 5 with a friend from OA and gained some startling
insight into how a problem I never addressed in my teen years has
manifested itself (in a different but related way) as another problem
right now in my life. It's still too personal to share on a public blog,
but I can share this: another OA member talked about how one of his
weaknesses is self-entitlement and I realized that might be mine, too.
644. The quality of the moment is what matters
Another great insight from OA: "The quality of the moment is what matters, not the quantity of success."
645. "My life has not been easy, but it has been full" - Beth Moore
The full quote, in her To Live is Christ workbook: "I could never tell anyone that becoming a Christian makes life easier. But with a heart full of emotion, I will tell anyone that a life surrendered to Christ is a life that is full. My life has not been easy. I've made many mistakes and I've been the victim of others' mistakes. Yet I would not trade lives with anyone. Why? Because my life is full. I believe emptiness causes more people to despair of life than pain."
646. "How I long for new words, new shades of paint, new notes on a scale" - Beth Moore
Also from Beth Moore's To Live is Christ: "I will never be able to translate on paper the emotions bursting through the old wineskin of my heart with the new wine of fresh love. I wish I could somehow describe how I feel about my God this moment. How I long for new words, new shades of paint. New notes on a scale."
647. Homeschooling convention
One step closer to committing to homeschool this fall: went to the big Denver homeschooling convention (it helped that they let first-time attendees come the first day for free). The talks were inspiring and a confirmation that this path is not an easy, but a truly fulfilling one. Also learned a great deal on getting started and different learning styles, but overwhelmed by all the available curriculum and materials!
648. Wedding ceremony on a bridge over a stream
A daughter of dear friends of ours (D.D and R.D.) had her wedding on a beautiful ranch resort at Red Feather Lakes, Colorado. The ceremony was held at an outdoor chapel, and the bride and her father rode up to the ceremony on horses. Loved it! (makes me want to get married again). The couple said their vows standing on a little bridge, loved that too. They had two sets of vows - the "fun" ones and the serious ones. The fun ones were along these lines "I promise to allow you at least one third of the blankets in bed." The wedding program was fun, too, with this title and subtitle: "So you're going to sit through a wedding: a practical guide to not falling asleep and figuring out just what exactly is going on."
Serious loves to bearcrawl and it cracks me up every time.
650. Dreamer said I look pretty tonight, "Your eyes are sparkling"
651. Are you willing to give back what God gives you?
John H. preaching on when Abraham took Isaac to be sacrificed. They had to travel three days - he a lot of time to talk himself out doing this thing. Are you willing to give back what God gives you? Even if it seems like God is contradicting himself? When we surrender, then God steps in and sacrifices the ram for us. "Then you will know (experience) that I am God"... you go from head knowledge to a real living relationship experience.