A sentence from Psalm 101 has been both
challenging and convicting for me:
"I will walk in my house with blameless heart."
When God speaks to
me about being more loving,
this verse reminds me to make application in my
family first—and then to others.
It forces me to ask, Am I more spiritual,
More loving, or more fun somewhere else?
Who gets my best—my family or others?
from A Mother's Heart, by Jean Fleming
I have been failing miserably with my family. I try to keep it together at work, but when I get home I fall apart. Kids get snapped at for making noise. My husband doesn't get a "welcome home" or even a "hi, honey!" when he arrives.
I catch myself thinking peevishly, if I didn't have to work so much, I'd have more energy for my family. If the economy hadn't taken a nose-dive. If we hadn't made those poor financial decisions. If we'd stopped having kids at two instead four. So easy to make excuses, justifications, to say "if onlys."
I really think the Lord sent me a dream last night to wake me up to my wrong attitude. (Well, I'm pretty sure He used http://writingcanvas.wordpress.com to give me the quote, above, too).
I was dreaming I was back at the beach, and the girls were playing in the surf. The twins - three years old - just loved dashing in and out of the water. I was laying on the sand, soaking up the sun. I didn't notice that the waves were gradually getting bigger in size. Suddenly a huge breaker crashed over the twins and they disappeared in the frothing water. They aren't old enough to right themselves, even in waist-deep water, if they get knocked over and disoriented. I searched for them frantically, swimming out and diving under, but the water was too murky to see anything. I knew even if I found one of the twins in time, chances are the other one would drowned before I could find her.
Then I woke up.
I have to stop making excuses and put my family first, no matter what trials the world is throwing at me right now. Let me rephrase that. I need to put God first, so then I have the strength to put my family next in priority, ahead of my worries, my exhaustion, my short temper.
My family deserves my best, and God can help me give them my best. I can't do it on my own.
Please link back to http://writingcanvas.wordpress.com for other excellent insights into the quote from Jean Fleming's wonderful book (I really need to read this book again! It's one of those you can keep getting good stuff out of it, no matter how many times you read it)