Monday, May 3, 2010

Marriage, foxes and vineyards

I'll admit it right here up front: I don't want to write this post. In the past 3 years of blogging, I've only posted on marriage twice. I've written almost a whole novel on marriage, but that was fiction, -- in other words, it wasn't MY marriage, so it was fun to write about.

Now if you get me one-on-one in a coffee house with a big yummy cup of Hot Snow and a cheesecake, I'll spill the beans and talk marriage all night long. But there is something frightfully permanent about writing words down about your marriage on a public forum where any one can stop by and read. (I suppose I could change my privacy settings. But then I get to thinking, I really do appreciate when other ladies are honest about their marriages. I'll try to return the favor).

I've been married a few months shy of 12 years. I married my complete opposite, in everyway. The only two things we have in common is a love of Jesus and a love of horses. He's an extrovert, I'm an introvert. He's a risk taker, I'm cautious. I could list differences for hours but I don't want to bore you. Bottom line: it isn't easy. But I know God matched us up, that our differences strengthen each other. If I'd married a man with a similar personality as mine, we'd both be institutionalized now for severe clinical depression.

The recession has been hard on our marriage. My husband has his own business, and the work has dwindled to the point that I make more than he does at my part-time job. That's hard on him. That's hard on me. I don't like being the provider - the money I earned was supposed to be "extra" - for savings and vacations or what not. He feels, at times, like a failure. I have to keep giving him pep-talks. It's not a situation that inspires romance. Most of the time I'm too tired with working and running after the kids (though he helps with the kids ALOT) to have any energy left over for him.

The reason why I'm writing this is because it was a way to remind myself that my marriage is IMPORTANT and if I don't keep putting energy into it and giving him attention (and we all know how men most like attention), then I know the little things that stress our marriage are only going to get more troublesome, just like Solomon says that little foxes can end up ruining a whole vineyard (Song of Solmon 2:15)

I'm thankful I ran across Marriage Monday and the verse, 1 Corinthians 7:4 "The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife." A good reminder for me. I also wanted to point out - who is it that appears first in this verse? The wife or the husband? I'm thinking there's probably a good reason why the wife is addressed FIRST. With our tendency to moodiness, we probably need that extra reminder. I know I do.


  1. Yep, I'm pretty sure wives were addressed first because we're definitely more likely to plead "headache" :) Isn't it grand that our Father in heaven knows us so well!

  2. It is always good to hear and as a newlywed I am really learning how we are completely each others and really need to "work" at our marriage and supporting each other.
    Hugs! thanks for your post!

  3. Thank you so much for joining us for Marriage Monday today, Mrs. Littlewomen. And thanks for your transparency and vulnerability.

    You make me a little teary. I'm SO sorry your marriage has been suffering through this recession. (I do sense you're doing well, overall.)

    My husband has his own business too, and we've just come through the worst of it. It was really tough, but we survived. I had to put all those lessons I learned about submission into practice in a big way. God knows what He's doing when He tells women to trust and resist the temptation to take over.

    Our bedroom intimacy does suffer when our men are unemployed or under-employed. As loving wives, we can encourage our husbands by initiating some of the time... the trick is to communicate receptivity and responsiveness. Keep in mind, it's just for a season.

    Your desire to take 1 Cor 7:4 to heart is a good step in the right direction.

    This was not an easy topic today. Thank you for fearlessly diving in! So nice to meet you.

    Blessings, e-Mom @ Chrysalis

  4. Thanks so much for sharing! Honesty is for sure appreciated. Yes women get complicated and need that reminder:)

  5. I like how you scrutinized the scripture. You're right, women has the moods that's why we were addressed first in that Scripture. Nice take! I believe God has great plans for you and your family :D


    A Time To Weep and A Time To Laugh

  6. You are a good example to write on such a difficult topic. Many people remark about how my husband and I are so happy together... after almost 22 years of marriage. Here's the thing... we were talking about divorce after 4 years of marriage. We were miserable, but decided to stay together. Then we thought... if we are going to be together for the rest of our lives... we might as well enjoy ourselves. We make our marriage a top priority. Through love and respect. Choose to not be miserable... it is sooooo worth it!

  7. This is my first stop to you blog and this is the post I stopped on. We will celebrate 30 years in June,we have gone through and still in the hardest economic crisis of our marriage...we lost our home and are starting back at the beginning. The stress does pull on your marriage.
    I started Love and War by Eldredge, and have been so blessed with their honest and sharing what marriage really is...not the kind you see in the books....a wonderful healing and encouraging book.
    Blessings on your journey, and enjoyed reading your post...I need to check out Marriage Mondays,