Two worlds together

When I was reading John 16:33 it came to me so clearly that we live in two worlds together, at the same time: the spiritual world and the physical world. But we are usually only aware of the physical world. Like sailing on the water - we know there is another world beneath it, but we don't often think of it.

John 16:33 In me you may have peace. In the world [the physical world] you will have trouble, but take heart! For I have overcome the world.

Jesus doesn't speak directly of the spiritual world here, but it is sort of implied. In this world we have trouble, but He offers a place (in Him) where we can find peace, no matter the circumstances in our physical world.

Someday we will actually see the spiritual world - the kingdom of God - heaven. Right now we have a mysterious unseen access to it via Christ. It isn't escapism, because it takes an enormous effort of the will to put aside the consuming cares and distractions of the world to focus on Christ. But I find it helps if I imagine the spiritual world as existing right alongside ours, present but invisible, reachable via Christ's outstretched hand.

A couple years ago I read C.S. Lewis' collection of essays in the Weight of Glory, and was amazed by the essay Transposition. Lewis uses several examples of transposing things from one system to another, this one was my favorite:

When transposing a three-dimensional shape onto a two-dimensional drawing, the artist must learn how to arrange merely two-dimensional shapes so as to convey the sense of three dimensions.   A cube is formed by arranging two trapezoids in a certain way along side a square.  Now to anyone well acquainted with three dimensions, the shapes arranged in this manner are immediately seen as a cube, but to someone less than three dimensional, the shapes will appear as nothing more than a collection of trapezoids and a square. 

Lewis envisioned a conversation in a two-dimensional world between someone who doubted the third dimension and someone who believed in it:

“You keep on telling me of this other world and its unimaginable shapes which you call solid.  But isn’t it very suspicious that all the shapes which you offer me as images or reflections of the solid ones turn out on inspection to be simply the old two-dimensional shapes of my own world as I have always known it?  Is it not obvious that your vaunted other world, so far from being the archetype, is a dream which borrows all its elements from this one?” 

Living in the physical world, we are like that poor creature who lives in a two dimensional world. Now matter how you try to draw the real 3-D world so he can see it, he simply can't imagine it - he sees only two dimensional shapes.

To further extend the analogy, our physical world is three dimensional. What if the spiritual world exists in four dimensions all around us, like three dimensions exist all around a flat piece of paper, but we simply can't perceive it because our eyes and other senses are not engineered to do so? (Though they will be able to someday, when we receive our glorified bodies).

So with us. We know not what we will be, but we may be sure we shall be more, not less, than we were on earth. Our natural experiences (sensory, emotional, imaginative) are only like the drawing, like penciled lines on flat paper. If they vanish in the risen life, they will vanish only as pencil lines vanish from the real landscape, not as a candle flame that is put out, but as a candle flame which becomes invisible because someone has pulled up the blind, thrown open the shutters, and let in the blaze of the risen sun.

Meanwhile, we live in a world where we can only see the blaze of heaven when it is transposed into something familiar to us.

I think God has in fact transposed the spiritual world for us to "see" (as much as we are able) via his Word. 

Oh, what a thought.

I think He also transposes the spiritual world for us in other ways: when for instance a beautiful sunset strikes our heart. Or even a beautiful piece of art or music - created by another person, yes, but perhaps inspired by some momentary glimpse of something outside of  our familiar realm.  (C.S. Lewis actually addresses this in two other essays: Is Theology Poetry? and The Weight of Glory).

Another blogger, Ron Dodson, wrote an essay about Transposition and I loved how he extended it to visualizing the relation of faith and reason:

But what is central to realize here is that this higher spiritual understanding does not necessarily come from the natural facts themselves, but rather it is discerned through a kind of intuition or sense that exceeds or stands above the raw information.  This offers us a context for understanding faith within our post-enlightenment climate. 

Faith is seeing the divine through the physical.   Faith is seeing the eternal through the mortal.  It is distinguished from reason in that the mere physical realities do not in and of themselves demand the divine reality, and yet they also do not deny them.  Reason and faith both operate in the realm of truth, though from different levels and from within different perspectives.  The truth of God requires faith to see it, it cannot be seen by reason alone.  

And yet we are unable to separate faith and reason any more than we can separate the physical reality from the divine reality.  It is in fact the assemblage of the two dimensional shapes in a certain way which hints at the third dimension.  It is the physical reality assembled and offered in a certain way which allows us to somehow see the divine reality.  And yet, from within the physical reality I am not able to fully or sufficiently make the case for the divine, but I still see it. I see it by faith.

My desire is to be more aware of how God is actively transposing His truth around me... in other words, to seek Him more.

Just one word

This picture made me think of Psalm 119:105:

Thy Word is a light unto my path, and a lamp unto my feet.

Last year this time, as I was writing my resolutions, I also chose a theme to strive for. My theme was focus. I wanted to focus more on God. On my family. On my writing.

It didn't go so well. In fact I'd say 2011 ended up being the my most unfocused year yet.

Lord, what went wrong?

Nothing went wrong, from my perspective, he answered. He taught me humility and helplessness and he gave me a lot of grace and mercy for all the times I wandered off, completely out-of-focus. Recently on Beth Moore's blog she talked about summing up our year in 3 words (okay, mine actually ended up being 4 or 5 words. But close enough).

1. Depression. It's seasonal depression, but it was much worse and lasted longer than previous years.

2. Eye-openers. Some things revealed to me about my job, and closed doors.

3. Other people. Just about every close friend - H, N, K, M - had BIG stressful, sometimes scary things happen in their lives this year. And family members, too: B and J.

I planned on focus; He planned other things for me.  But that's okay, because when I look at the picture above, I see a dark path going some unknown place, but I also see those beautiful little lamps lighting the way, and that's all I need.

This year, I've made no resolutions. But I still like the "theme" idea, especially after reading this article about Debbie Maccomber's book One Perfect Word.  I asked God what one word He wanted me to use as my theme for the upcoming year.

Last year I memorized Psalm 84 during Beth Moore's scripture memory challenge (one thing I did succeed in), and a few days ago I was meditating on these verses, and He showed me that this psalm is about seeking Him. "My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord..." Even the birds seek His dwelling place to be close to Him. And "blessed are those whose strength is in you, whose hearts are set on pilgrimage.... they go from strength to strength, until each appears before God in Zion."

That's my theme this year: seeking Him (okay, that's two words. Close enough).  It's a sort of pilgrimage of the heart. Remembering to seek Him more through the distractions of each day. I used to think of it in terms of focus; but the last year taught me that seeking is the first essential thing, the necessary step before focus is even really possible.

Part of seeking Him is listening to Him. That's so hard. My brain isn't used to waiting to hear something; it wants something immediately. I have a toddler's brain. It jumps from one thought to another faster than I can keep track of, leaving no room for me to hear what God might want me to hear.

I've started going through the devotional journal, Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young, which is all about listening to what God says. I meditate on a few verses, then draw a straight line down the space for journaling. Then I try to stop everything else going on in my mind and just listen. When the day's to-do-list pops into my head, or some other distraction, I jot it down in the space to the right of the line, so I can move on and start listening again. When I hear something I think God might be telling me - for instance a friend to pray for, or an image or thought that forms related to the verses I've just read,  I write it down in the space to the left of the line.

Little lamps lighting my path.

Closing with a quote from another devotional that I've gone through in the past and still look at from time to time: Experiencing God Day by Day, by Henry Blackaby and Richard Blackaby. Here's a snippet from what they wrote for January 1st:

God does not need your resolutions, or your promises to try harder this year. If your resolve to obey God last year did not make you more faithful, it won't work this year either. Jesus asks for your love.

When you are in love with someone, what do you do? You spend time with him. You think about him. You seek Him. All else follows from that... (Matt 22:36-40).

On women pastors and other controversial subjects

My dear friends FedEx and Charity visited a couple weeks and we spent several wonderful nights staying up late talking about their ministry, church, new friends, and some controversial topics such as "can women be preachers or pastors" and the verses on homosexuality in the Bible.

I love their ministry,  "Men of Praise" - a motorcycle ministry based in Colorado Springs. They regularly have people into their home for dinner and fellowship and I love to hear stories about the people that they meet and their missional way of living. They are truly living out a life of grace and love, and that thrills me. I am always convicted that I should be living more of a life like that, reaching out more.

But when it came to their theology on women pastors and homosexuals, I was uneasy. I told them I would dig into the Word and consider some of things they shared, in the spirit of Acts 17:11, where the Bereans "examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true."

They explained that the original Greek words in 1 Tim 2:11-12 (on women) and Romans 1:26, 27 (on homosexuals) are mistranslated. The verses relating to homosexuals may instead pertain to temple prostitutes, so we should not call homosexuality a sin.   I looked at these verses in the Blue Letter Bible (which gives you hyperlinks to a Greek lexicon and concordance - thank you FedEx for telling me about this great resource!).

I couldn't find anyway to interpret Romans 1:26,27 except as homosexuality (the words are very specific and address both male and female homosexuality) and that it is unnatural and unclean (1:24) and is one of the acts of a reprobate mind (1:28) that leads to death (1:32).

Charity has been ministering to a girl who is homosexual. She has welcomed her into her home and church and Bible study as a friend. They've discussed that while sex outside of marriage (which includes homosexual sin, because the Bible does not support same sex marriage) is sin. However, is a "homosexual bent" still sin, if the person in question is not committing any immoral acts? Such a person can never marry, but if they do not marry, and abstain from sex, then... they are not in sin. Still trying to wrap my head around this.

Matthew 5:27,28 says: You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

So we know that it is also sin to lust after someone even if you don't act on it - but this would be true for both homosexuals and heterosexuals, and certainly all of us as Christians have stumbled over lustful thoughts and confessed them to the Lord.  

I love that Charity is embracing this girl and loving her whole-heartedly. I love that her church and Bible study are welcoming the girl without judgment or condemnation even though she dresses differently and talks differently and has a "scary" background. Does Romans 1:26,27 or any other related verses say that as Christians we should not love homosexuals, befriend them, invite them to our churches and Bible studies so that they can learn about God, His love and His Word and His grace that saves us?

What happens when a homosexual is in a church or Bible study and they start asking about those verses? We shouldn't make any excuses or stretch interpretations for those verses. It's important for everyone to study exactly what the verses do say but also what they don't say. For instance, they don't say that homosexuals are excluded from God's love and grace.

I think it's also important not to focus solely on topical studies of any one thing in the Bible, whether it's issues pertaining to women or homosexuals or drinking or anything else. We all know that we have to take verses in context, both immediate context but also the context of an entire chapter, book, even the entire Bible itself. Let us always remind each other that we are ALL sinners, that we are all guilty whether our sins are homosexuality, greed, pride, or host of others. We are all equally in need of God's grace.

We should always come back to the essential teachings such as in Matt 22:36-40:

Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?
Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment.
And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'
All the Law and Prophets hang on these two commands."

The question of women as pastors came up because FedEx and Charity really admire a church in Denver called the Refuge, which is a missional church, reaching out to many people who would most likely feel rejected or at least uncomfortable in a traditional evangelical church (you know the stereotype: "we don't drink or dance or chew or go with girls who do.")

The Refuge has three co-pastors, one of them a woman.

I looked up the website for the Refuge and here's what their "about" page,
http://www.therefugeonline.org/about.html, says:


We believe (so far):

• Jesus meant everything He said
• the Bible
• the Bible is in places hard to understand and even harder to apply
• that believing is sometimes difficult
• the more we learn of and experience God, the more questions we have
• miracles happen, sometimes quickly, but mostly they are so slow in coming
• we need each other to know God fully and live the life He dreams for us
• it is our responsibility to advocate for and tangibly love the poor, marginalized, and oppressed in equality and dignity for all regardless of sex, race, socioeconomic status, or a myriad of other things that typically cause us to power up on others
• we are embarrassed by how the word "Christian" is perceived in the world today and we are sorry for our part in that
• that mostly people need to be loved, not just told they are
• church is messy
 

Wow. I love everyone of these statements and I think they are all true.

I think there is a very real problem that many people feel either judged or uncomfortable in church and therefore avoid it (even some believing followers of Jesus).

Church is messy - that is so true!!! I love my church, where I have been a member for 16 years, but there have been times I disagreed with the leadership, wanted to walk out in the middle of sermons in a huff, have felt shamed, judged, belittled, or felt that I was inconsequential, unloved, an awkward outsider who doesn't fit in.

A little bit of this was the fault of people in the church. MOST OF IT however was the fault of a certain devious being called Satan who loves to tear apart churches as much as he does families. And some of it was my own fault, my own selfish sinful nature demanding attention and affirmation and a host of other things.

Now I come from a pretty clean background without any drugs, alcohol, prostitution, abuse, or criminal records. I still have some issues in my past - shoplifting in high school that I never was caught at, sleeping around in college, lots of insecurity still remaining because I've never made friends easily and often feel overlooked. But anyway, my point is that if it's this hard for me to feel comfortable in church with my relatively clean background, I can imagine how hard it must be for someone with a criminal record or a drug habit to walk into a church or brave it on a regular basis. Especially if they are truly repenting and trying to keep from falling back into sin, but they keep falling - just like I consistently fall back into my area of weakness and sin, over-eating. The Bible clearly states that gluttony is a sin, and yet my "sin" is a lot more acceptable in the church's eyes than adultery, homosexuality or drug use or drunkenness.

The idea of a church as a refuge, where anyone can come, regardless of what pit they were just pulled out of (or might still be in), is a wonderful thing.  Why our churches often fail could cover a hundred blog posts or more.

The issue I'm dealing with in this blog post is women pastors. But I guess the stuff I just wrote about above sort of points to how complicated all of this church business is, how touchy we all are.

So I went back to the Blue Letter Bible to analyze 1 Tim 2:11-12 and I really recommend to anyone the extra time it takes to look up the Greek words (esp. now that it's so easy), because you learn so much. For instance, the Greek word hēsychia is used twice in these verses, for quietness and silent:

A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent.

The Greek word has two meanings: the first one describes "the life of one who stays at home doing his own work, and does not officiously meddle with the affairs of others." The second meaning is just, silence.

My guess is the first meaning is the one that applies to this verse and it really adds a new dimension to the verse, doesn't it? I was raised by a feminist mother, and the idea of having to be silent and let men do all the talking really rankles. But the idea of not meddling in the affairs of others is actually really good, sensible advice.

So then there's the "I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man" issue which is the basis for not allowing female pastors.

The Greek word for teach is didaskō. It has a pretty straightforward definition - it covers pretty much every aspect of teaching. It's really hard to wiggle around this one, folks. Some people discount Paul as a chauvinist, but that's pretty much the only excuse to get around this directive. We're just going to have to trust that God knows what he's doing when he commands women (through Paul) not to teach men.

The Greek word for authority is authenteō. This is a little more interesting. It's only used once in the entire Bible, and the lexicon gives these meanings:

1) one who with his own hands kills another or himself

2) one who acts on his own authority, autocratic

3) an absolute master

4) to govern, exercise dominion over one

Christian feminism really gets excited over this word - I won't go into details because it's all gone over in detail in this post, The Mistranslation of 1 Timothy 2:11-12. Their argument basically boils down to there are two types of authority used in the NT, and women should stay away (rightly) away from authenteo type of authority, but there's nothing that says they can't exercise the other type of authority - a spiritual type of authority - over men. 

However, that ignores the rest of the verse about not teaching and the following verses 13-15 that back this up. Again, this post is already too long to go into detail but here's an excellent post, Eve was deceived so now I'm paying with silence? that explains it very well. It's written by a woman trying to reconcile her feminist tendencies with the Word of God. It's also worth mentioning that the next chapter of 1 Timothy details requirements for pastors and elders, and one requirement is that they be men.

So I don't believe the Word of God allows for women pastors but I'm still glad FedEx and Charity brought this up so that I'd be challenged to dig into a study of the controversy.

And am I going to jump all over this church, the Refuge, and point my accusatory finger, because they have a woman pastor? No. I'd actually like to visit them sometime. I could probably learn a lot. If God wills it that they change their position on women pastors, it will happen: but a lot of shouting and gesturing and Bible thumping on the part of us sinful, quick-to-judge humans isn't going to help.

I'd rather focus on the bigger issue: the needs of  the poor, the sick, the lost. Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." (Matt 9:12-13). And that's what the Refuge is trying to do. That's what FedEx and Charity are trying to do. Bravo, and Amen. I support them.

Note: I'm still studying (and praying) about all this; I'm still learning and always open to direction from God and His Word, from my church, and my husband (my sources of authority) on these matters. I also realize that there are verses such as 1 Corinthians 5:11 and others, that should be taken into consideration before reaching conclusions. Understanding is always a journey.

Hanging on tight to my Daddy's leg

This is an ent. Read to find out why he's here.

Back in September, I wrote how God taught me four important things about the seasonal depression I struggle with. But one thing I was still searching for was a specific verse that addresses the "escapism" that tempts me whenever I get stressed, and how that contributes to depression.

See, it's easy for me to give into "escaping" for a while - esp. since I don't use drugs or alcohol for escapism, so I can justify that there is nothing wrong with what I'm doing. My favorite way of escaping is actually to pick up a good young adult romance to read (these are clean romances, unlike  Harlequin style romances). Seems harmless, right?

So I escape into another world for a while, and all's good, except for the fact that I'm ignoring my family for hours at a time. (I've heard Blaze sometimes grumble to the other kids - "don't bother Mom, she's reading and it makes her grumpy"). (The grumpy part comes when they dare to interrupt me).

The other problem is when the book ends. I'm ejected from my escapism back into reality and things are even more stressful now because of my procrastination. It offers temporary relief from depression, but like any sort of substance abuse, when the temporary relief is over, you're in worse-off shape than ever.

With the winter months arriving - the season my depression kicks in - I was still searching for a verse that I could use to fight the temptation to run away from responsibility and even from communication. One of the very last lessons in Beth Moore's study "Breaking Free" finally provided the verse I was searching for - and it was a very familiar verse I've loved for years. But Beth actually dug into the Hebrew words behind this verse and shared some new insights about it that cast it in a whole new light for me.

Isaiah 40:31 Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they rise up on wings as eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not grow faint.

The word "hope" in this verse is qawah in Hebrew and it means "to bind together (by twisting)... to be gathered together, be joined; to meet; to lie in wait for someone; to expect... to be confident, trust; to be enduring." She suggested re-reading the verse and inserting these synonyms in the place of the words "hope in."

She says "I believe Isaiah 40:31 is telling us to wrap ourselves so tightly around God that we end up automatically going where He's going."

"Why does Isaiah present the concept of binding ourselves to God in context with being weary and faint? Think about the illustration of the game my children and I played [they'd each grab onto her leg and hang on while she dragged them around the house]. Who did most of the work? I did! What was their part in the game? Binding themselves to me and hanging on tight. Do you see the parallel? When we start feeling weary, like stepping out of the way for  a while, we're probably taking on too much of the battle ourselves."

Now I will preach this verse to myself when I'm overwhelmed and wanting to shut down, to avoid doing the work I know I need to do - putting it off. Do I need the strength to do it? No - all I have to do is grab hold of God and hang on, letting him carry me along.

In real life this translates to saying the verse and focusing my thoughts on Him. Picturing myself hanging on to God's leg. Since he's my spiritual Daddy, this is perfectly okay. (God's leg is like a slender but strong tree trunk. That moves. Sort of like an ent, like in the picture above). (At other times I picture God quite differently, less leaf and more light!)

I do this instead of picking up some fiction to "escape" from my world for a while. Sometimes I have to say the verse over and over again, sort of arguing with myself. But gradually the battle turns to my side; I start to feel relieved, my stress lightened, my overall mood shifting from frustration and despondency to peacefulness. While I'm being dragged along by God through making dinner, spending time with the kids, helping with homework, etc (instead of dragging myself through)- my attitude begins to improve. 

Am I cured?

No! So far I've only remembered to fight escapism a couple times this way. More often, I forget. (It's so much easier to pick up a book). It's not even the roughest time of year yet, the worst of my depression kicks in during February and March.

But the solution is there, if only I remember to grab hold of it and hang on.

And that's what I'm thinking the crux of the whole Christian life is. Remembering that we have a Savior, that He is ready and willing to rescue us, time and time again, if only we reach for Him and grab hold.

1000 gifts: my two little flower girls

Continuing my list of gifts, blessings that I write down to remember all the wonderful things that God gives me along life's journey (from Ann Voskamp's book and her blog, A Holy Experience).

My BFF N.L. got married on December 18 to one of my husband's good friends, B.W.. My twins, Serious and Starlet were her flower girls, so I was thrilled! And a lot of my "gifts" in this edition have to do with her beautiful wedding...


380. A Pair of Pink Dresses

381. Elegant details on a wedding dress
I'm actually not a big fan of wedding dresses these days: how the style is invariably the same bare shoulder, breast-hugging top, which basically makes all the dresses look the same. So I loved the details that made N.L.'s dress stand out - she had a friend sew cap sleeves with beaded trims on to her dress. And how about that matching tiara and necklace? Gorgeous and glittery. Here's a picture of her with one her bridesmaids, Teresa (also an old friend of mine).

382. Lace-up backs
Her dress had one of my most favorite wedding dress details (which I don't remember ever seeing when I shopped for my dress 12 years ago, bummer) - a lace up back.

383. Pink shoes 

384. Arranging flowers with Mom 
My mom did my flowers for my wedding, and I talked her into doing them for N.L.'s wedding too, because I know she loves arranging flowers and I thought it would be something fun for us to do together. Well, what I didn't count on was Mom being so worried about getting everything exactly perfect for N.L. (and this all happening just a week before Christmas, too) that it ended up being a bit more stressful than fun. But the end result was wonderful and N.L. was tickled pink (oh, unintended pun. Her whole wedding was pink). (Side note: I was afraid her reception would be too pink, but I was amazed at how beautiful it turned out. She was also afraid the pink would clash with the Christmas decorations, but if anything the twinkling lights and golden ornaments only added to the glamor of it all).

385. Pinning flowers on men
After Mom and I put together the boutineers and corsages, I rushed off to the church to get them pinned on the wedding party before photos. Ah, all the handsome men who lined up in front of me for their turn to be pinned! I admit I got just a tad flustered from all the "attention" - I didn't stick any of them with a pin, but I did stick myself. Here's my handsome husband (the best man) all pinned up and kissing on another pretty girl in the wedding party.

386. Celtic violin/guitar duo 
N.L. said she had always wanted two things at her wedding: fresh flowers (check) and live Celtic music. For some reason the Celtic music had me thinking "mournful", but the violin/guitar duo who played at her reception were foot-stomping fun!

387. Visiting with wedding guests - lots of old friends!
It was wonderful seeing Karen and Ed, Emily and Ann and lots of other old friends - ah, the good old days.

388. My twins turning 5 years old
December is also a month of birthdays for us - the twins, B. and Stars. I took the twins to see Arthur Christmas for their birthday (such a creative spin on the usual Santa story - think Santa meets Star Trek, or maybe Mission Impossible). Then we had a little party for them. One of their gifts was a pair of sleds, which of course they had to take outside and try out. My parents have a slight slope to their front lawn - with their older sisters giving them a big push, the twins thought it was a blast. And I thought it was hilarious that they were so excited about the rest of their birthday presents that they couldn't put down their gift bags: they had to hold on to them while sledding!

389. Discovering a new "old" Christmas song
Mom and I always go to the University Christmas Concert, which is a neat mix of traditional tunes and new pieces. This year I discovered this song, Walking in the Air, from the movie based on the book, the Snowman. Apparently it's a Christmas classic in the UK. I loved the haunting music and the Northern Lights at the very end!

390. Flash mob Christmas carols
Apparently flash mobs started as a social experiment, partially to poke fun at hipsters: but Christians have appropriated it to reach large crowds of people with songs with a strong Christian theme - but in a fun  atmosphere of surprise. Here's one from this December at a mall (the quartet on the escalator is my favorite part, but the live creche scene at the end is neat, too)

391. The Twelve Days of Christmas for writers (source)

On the Twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,

A six-figure deal for my trilogy

Eleven full requests from editors

Ten-page critique from JK Rowling

Nine more beta readers

Eight adverbs permanently erased from my memory

Seven drafts that auto-revise

Six days alone with my work in progress (no distractions, yeah!)

Five golden story ideas

Four more hours before my laptop battery dies

Three agents offering representation

Two cups of coffee

And writing hut on an island in the South Seas!

392. Bagpipes instead of ringing bells for Salvation army donations
I've seen this guy around town playing his bagpipe several times in the days leading up to Christmas. I always dig up some change for the girls to put into the pot.

393. Winning NaNoWriMo for the fourth time
Though the idea has been in my head since I was 14 years old, I had never developed it beyond just that - just the bare bones of a science fiction story. This year I decided to tackle the old idea for my November writing month and see if I could turn it into a novel. I actually started the brainstorming and plotting and character development in October in preparation, and it was such a rush. Writing toward a goal of 50,000 words in a month is so exhausting, but so rewarding. This has become an annual experience I look forward to all year, a creative outpouring that oddly enough also fills me up.

 394. Blueletterbible.org
 Ed and Karen (or Red and Rarin' as B. calls them) (sometimes I call them Ked and Erin by mistake) stayed with us for the weekend of N.L.'s wedding and we had some wonderful late-night talks about all sorts of faith-related things (some of which I plan to share in future posts). Ed eats up theology like I eat chocolate, and he showed me this wonderful free Bible study tool, the Blue Letter Bible, where you can break down verses so that each word is cross referenced to a Greek lexicon, Strong's concordance, a Bible dictionary and more!

395. The worship of lament
Karen also gave me a book for a Christmas present (the best kind of present): A Sacred Sorrow, by Michael Card. "Many of us don't feel right expressing our anger, frustration and sadness in prayer. Our personal worship experience is not complete unless we understand the lost language of lament."

1000 gifts: the first map ever made

Continuing my list of gifts, blessings that I write down to remember all the wonderful things that God gives me along life's journey (from Ann Voskamp's book and her blog, A Holy Experience).


368. The stars are the first map ever made
My seven year old, Dreamer, had to sit in my office one day while I finished working on a map. She asked on of my co-workers, "Does my mom make nice maps?" and he answered, "the best." Then after a while, she came up with this gem, "Mom, are the stars the first map ever made?" It's true, actually, if you think about it.

369. Beth Moore live

A bunch of my friends from church carpooled up to Casper, WY for one of Beth Moore's Living Proof conferences. She shared wonderful insights gleaned from Acts 3:1-10 and Acts 14: 8-13 about the two occasions where the apostles healed lame men. She had fun stuff to share too like how her grandson learned sign language for "WOW!" (unofficial version, like this picture), and how she loves visiting Wyoming even though the wind blew the bleach right off her hair.

370. Strange violin tunes
One night Blaze was practicing her violin and started this awful, off-pitch version of Mary Had A Little Lamb. "You're playing that wrong!" I call out to her. "No Mom, I'm playing it right. This is "Mary Had A Dying Lamb."

371. Bridal shower - Famous couples game

Here's Blaze oogling all the shower gifts

I hosted a bridal shower for N.L. at my house and had a lot of  fun involving everyone in the Famous Couples Games (we had 35 guests!) Everyone got to pick the names of a famous couple out of a basket: Adam & Eve, Romeo & Juliet, Scarlett & Rhett, to name a few. Then they had to mark who they thought was N.L's favorite couple, least favorite couple, and which couple she thought was most like her & her fiance. Their choices cracked me up!! She picked Shrek and Fiona, but some of the popular votes were Beauty & the Beast, Han Solo & Princess Leia, unfortunate lass & pirate Jack Sparrow, and Elizabeth Bennett & Mr. Darcy from Pride & Prejudice.

372. The "cut store"
When anybody complimented twins on their new bob haircuts they got this month, they would happily say, "yeah! We went to the cut store!"

373. High school jokes
This is an example of the kind of jokes that Stars brings home from high school.
"Ask me if I'm tree." (she poses as a tree, holding her arms out like tree limbs)
"Are you a tree?"
"No." (with a roll of her eyes).

374. Mary Jane jokes 
So Stars was sharing some of her "duh" jokes with N.L. and N.L. shared some of her favorite Mary Jane jokes back. (I've never heard these before, and neither had Stars. They're so awful we had to laugh)

Mary Jane was walking on the beach one day and saw a shark swimming around a man. The man was screaming, "Help me! Help me!"
And Mary Jane laughed and laughed, because she knew the shark was never going to help that man!

Mary Jane burnt down the barn one day, and her mother said "Mary Jane! You're in big trouble when your father gets home!"
And Mary Jane laughed and laughed, because she knew her father was in that barn.  

375. Made-up songs
This is what I heard Dreamer singing one day (and teaching it to the twins):

"Sister, sister, what do you say? We praise God and pray, pray"

376. CRS syndrome ("Can't remember stuff")
We visited the in-laws for Thanksgiving and this is what my sister-in-law Melissa claims she's suffering from . Except her version is "Can't remember sh**"
I thought it was hilarious because I have this syndrome pretty bad, too.

377. Cousins riding horses together
Grandpa B. got his horse Red and Joy's horse Little Bit out for the girls to ride. Blaze and Bre were soon riding them all over the yard - Blaze riding bareback, showing off of course!

378. A bible on the lamp table
I noticed that Joy had a bible sitting on the lamp table next to her favorite chair and I asked her about it - she says she is reading it regularly. She also talked more about her beliefs than I've ever heard her share before. I know two of her daughters, Monica and Crystal, have been trying to encourage her with verses as she struggles with fighting cancer and how sick the chemo is making her. 

379. Footprints in the Sand poem
An old friend of the family, Chris, called me up out of the blue this fall and we've been in touch ever since (mostly via texting). He and his family have been going through some really tough times this year. At one point I told him I was a Jesus freak, but I didn't say anything else: I like to wait and see if other people have any questions or comments about it before I force any more on them.

Chris didn't say much in response, until about a month later, he called me up again and asked me a bunch of questions about why I was a Jesus freak. I ended up getting to share my whole testimony of coming to know God with him. It turns out, he had a near death experience, and is now thinking that it was God who spared his life.

Also, he said that while he's heard about the Footprints in the Sand poem before, recently he saw it again some place and suddenly it had a great impact on him. (Reminds me of how I always loved the song Amazing Grace, but it wasn't until I believed in God that I really understood what the words of the song were saying!)

380.  Finding the verse you've been searching for 
This one is so monumental to me I'm saving it for a whole post of its own... 

1000 gifts: tea fixes everything

Continuing my list of gifts, blessings that I write down to remember all the wonderful things that God gives me along life's journey (from Ann Voskamp's book and her blog, A Holy Experience).


356. Tea fixes everything
This is an amusing quote from a book I recently read (Illusions, by Aprilynne Pike):
As far as her mom was concerned, tea fixed everything. Have a cold? Have some tea. Broken bones? There's a tea for that too. Somewhere in her mother's pantry, Laurel suspected, was a box of tea that said, 'In case of Armageddon, steep three to five minutes.”


357. Finally, a truly great candidate for the presidential election

358. Dinner at Turtle Rock Cafe
B. got  a gift certificate for a free dinner for us at Turtle Rock Cafe, which by day is a coffee house, by Wednesday night transformed into a charming Italian restaurant. I about melted over the chocolate torte for dessert. 


359. Fundraiser for finding the cure
Stars' mom is running in a marathon to raise money for cancer research. Her own mother died of cancer. When she found out that B.'s mother is also fighting cancer now, she graciously added her name to her "in honor of" ribbons.

360. Fun with four-wheelers
B. was able to trade for a used four-wheeler and get it running again (he is a mechanical whiz!). It's big enough that all four girls can pile on the back and ride (at least at slower speeds) - we've had so much fun with it this fall. Perhaps that best fun was chasing Jewel around our pen with it! (She's the spunkiest of our horses - not afraid to kick up her heels at the noisy beast chasing her)

361. Party cats and pandas
Here's Stars dressed up for Halloween (top left) with her friends - she was a Party Cat (kitty ears with a party hat) and her best friend Chesca (bottom right) was a panda. I loved their creativity!

362. Pinning hair up with chopsticks
Blaze is an expert at twisting her hair up, and keeping it up with just a single pen! But for Halloween she wanted a pair of chopsticks to pin her hair up, and a Japanese kimono. I did find a Japanese robe that worked for her. Dreamer was an Egyptian princess, Starlet wore Dreamer's bride costume from dance recital, and Serious wore a Tinkerbell costume.

363. Riding reinless
Blaze and Stars participated in a training show and Stars decided to ride her horse, Roy, in one of the classes without reins, just to show off. She would have won, too, but the judge said that reins were a requirement. It was still neat to see her horse perform beautifully with only leg cues! Both girls also wore pink ribbons on their saddles, for Grandma Joy, fighting breast cancer.

364. Daddy's solution to kids fighting over toys
He got the Bible out and gave them a bible lesson! Love it! 

365. Swan Lake ballet
Mom and I took Blaze to see the ballet Swan Lake a few years ago. This year, it was Dreamer's turn to go - she loved it! I still love it too, I could go see it every year. Sleeping Beauty is actually my favorite of the great Tchaikovsky ballets, but Swan Lake is my second fav, then the Nutcracker.

366. Walking to work
We have had such a beautiful fall this year, that I started parking at different locations  around campus so I could walk a different route to work each day - enjoying the "tree area" of Laramie with all the old houses, many of them refurbished and landscaped with gorgeous wildflower and rock gardens, some of them even with little streams, waterfalls or miniature ponds.

367. Lyrics from Always, by Kristian Stanfill

My foes are many, they rise against me
But I will hold my ground
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way, my help is on the way

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always

Troubles surround me, chaos abounding
My soul will rest in You
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way, my help is on the way

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
From You Lord, from You Lord

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always, always