Finding roses and stones

Last month our church had another ladies' conference at a lodge up in the beautiful Snowy Range mountains, right when the aspen were starting to turn gold. We had an invited speaker, Cathy McIntosh, author of the book Joy In the Journey we've been studying this fall.

She taught us about finding ROSEs that God gives us: Remember, Open, Serve, Establish

1) Remember God's character - David confronted Goliath with God's character: I Samuel 17:45 David said to the Philistine, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the Lord will deliver you into my hands”

2) Open your eyes to the unseen - 2 King 6: 16-18 When the servant of the man of God got up and went out early the next morning, an army with horses and chariots had surrounded the city. “Oh no, my lord! What shall we do?” the servant asked. “Don’t be afraid,” the prophet answered. “Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” And Elisha prayed, “Open his eyes, Lord, so that he may see.” Then the Lord opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.

3) Serve Him - David served God by going out to fight the Philistine

4) Establish memorial stones - David remembered how God had delivered him from the lion and the bear, and helped him kill them to defend his flock of sheep.

Joshua 4:20-24:  Joshua set up at Gilgal the twelve stones they had taken out of the Jordan. He said to the Israelites, “In the future when your descendants ask their parents, ‘What do these stones mean?’ tell them, ‘Israel crossed the Jordan on dry ground.’ For the Lord your God dried up the Jordan before you until you had crossed over. The Lord your God did to the Jordan what he had done to the Red Sea when he dried it up before us until we had crossed over. He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the Lord is powerful and so that you might always fear the Lord your God.”

Then we were challenged to think of the times in our lives when God's hand was visible. When did you experience something that you know only God could have accomplished? And then think of a way you can establish a memorial stone for each instance. I came up with seven events where God showed Himself to me (there are others, too, but these are the ones that rocked my world).

1) November 1993, almost 20 years ago, when I challenged God and He showed me He was real. Job 38:1-7.

2) April 1999, when I asked God if it was his will for me to marry B. I was afraid because B. was divorced and had a four year old daughter. God answered me with Psalm 34:4 "I sought the Lord and He answered me, He delievered me from all my fears."

3) September 2006, when I found out I was having twins - twin girls, no less (a total of 4 girls, no boys!) I was discouraged and overwhelmed, but after praying, God showed me a quadruple rainbow (technically a supernumerary rainbow) and I knew it was His answer and His promise and I knew these twin girls would be a gift and a treasure from Him beyond what I could possibly imagine. Genesis 9:16 "Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth."

4) Fall 2011 - Insight after a particularly bad season of depression. A new way to look at an old favorite verse, Isaish 40:31.

5) September 2012 - I have no willpower of my own. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. ~2 Corinthians 12:9

6) April 2013 - We see Him more clearly, closely, beautifully, in our hardest trials. Job 42:1-5.

7) August 2013  - How God shared my testimony. Job 38:1-7 (again)

So I've been thinking about how to make "memorial stones" for each of these, something I could keep in the house or yard that would be distinctive, that my kids (and even visitors) might ask, what do these mean? I'm not a making-crafts person at all; the last "craft" project I attempted was a felt Advent calender that turned out kind of hokey (though the kids and I still use it every December). 

I would love to find some smooth river stones that I could paint the dates and verses on, but this time of year isn't the best for going out looking for river stones. So in the meantime, I bought a frame that fits eight pictures, and I'm looking for some family pictures that fit each of these memorials from God and I'll photoshop the verses on them, then superglue some small polished rocks from a souvenir store to the frames. Hopefully will have a picture of the finished project forth coming.

One month into homeschooling

In November last year, I felt I got a direct nudge (even a bit of lecture) from God about how He wanted me to home-school. I've been talking about it for years, and my oldest daughter is already 12, and starting 6th grade this fall. She was required to switch schools this year (as her grade school only goes through 5th grade), so it seemed like a good time to start. Besides that, I knew God wanted me to try this.  It's been just amazing to see how since that first big nudge he gave me last November, He's taken me on this twisty path (including an offer of a full time job, and then that same job being given to someone else), finally bringing me here to home schooling.

I knew it would be a hard adjustment for all of us. I was warned there would be many days I'd want to quit, the girls would want to quit, even my husband might want me to quit.

Oh, so true! And I had no idea just how exhausting and consuming home-school would be, even with just my two older girls (Blaze, 12 and Dreamer, 9 - their screen names).  My six year old twins are still going to public school.

But I also knew there would be blessings. Oh, so true! 

For the first three weeks we pretty much had this pattern: a bad day where Blaze complained and whined, but Dreamer was willing; then the next day where Blaze was okay but Dreamer got frustrated with something and would cry. There's been many days where I felt stymied at every turn and would finally just sit at the table with the girls silently praying - God, you need to intervene here. I'm completely stuck. 

Mixed in with this mess of whining, balking and crying have been some beautiful moments. Excitement about learning. Good discussions. Wonderful surprises.

And by the fourth week, I was really starting to see some overall improvement - the girls and I gradually getting adjusted to the new routine. Less whining, less tears. Recognizing when something was going to switch from frustrating to a real fretting, and being able to switch to another task before hitting the meltdown point.

This is a huge adventure we are on together and despite the hard times, I love it!

Here are some of things I've learned on this first month our adventure together.

1) You never know when something is going spark interest
  I was going over the discussion questions after Blaze's required reading, which was a short story called Three Copper Pennies. The conclusion of this story was "true happiness is found from within, not in things or wishes coming true."  I challenged Blaze to think about what the Bible says true happiness comes from.  I shared how  I'm currently learning in my Bible study, one of the things that brings us joy is thankfulness. Suddenly Blaze got all excited and told me about a book she'd read last year, Where the Mountain Meets the Moon. Thrilled to see her excited about something, I let her tell me the whole plot of the story... it took some time. But hey, she's excited about this, so I tried not to let the itch to get back to the curriculum make me rush her through her story. A king is searching for true happiness in this story, and he sees a poor peasant that has happiness and asks him what the secret is... the peasant gives him a paper with the answer but the paper's blown away... much more happens that I don't remember but finally the King discovers what was written on the paper was thankfulness, thankfulness, thankfulness...

2) I have to be flexible with what I plan to accomplish, because when something sparks my girls' interest (like above), I need to let them run with it for a while, even if it gets "off schedule".  That's the beauty about home school, we can take unexpected detours, where as in tightly scheduled regular school you can't take these exciting detours.

3) It's really easy to get behind schedule. Especially with the K12 curriculum I chose. I picked this path because I wanted all the free support, including a teacher, you get with this program. The program does allow some flexibility, but not as much as I'd like. It's very much a public school program very focused on testing.  Next semester I may try to switch to a Christian curriculum but initially I was too overwhelmed by all the choices with Christian curriculums... and their prices.

4) It's tempting to skip starting off in the Word and in Bible study, because I look at everything we need to accomplish at school (and stuff I also need to accomplish with my part time job) and I think we just don't have time for anything "extra".  But being in the Word is not "extra." I have to keep reminding myself that... and the time we give God, He can give back to us.

5) It's really hard to prepare for things ahead of time, but it actually saves me time if I do some planning.

6) Mondays are especially hard starting back to school after the freedom of the weekend.

7) Sometimes it's okay to start the day in bed. Seriously. I'll get Blaze and Dreamer to crawl in my big bed with me as we start Bible study. Or sometimes I'll bring their materials to them in their beds if they really want that.

8) It helps to include uplifting music when our spirits are down... or when we're sluggish in the morning. My current go-to song is Lord, I Need You, Matt Maher's version.

9) Home school often means a messy house. Stuff everywhere. Sand on the floor (science experiment). It doesn't have to get cleaned up immediately... And the occasional misplaced book will eventually get found.

10) I love how being involved in my kids' learning allow me to point things out we've learned through out the day, not just when it's official school time. Like the night we were watching PBS' Nature at Grandma and Grandpa's and they showed lines of latitude and longitude on the globe and I pointed it out and the girls remembered which lines were lat and which were longs. Or when we went up to Vedauwoo for a "field trip" and I could point out (and they were interested in) signs of weathering and erosion that we'd learned about in science.

And here are some of the blessings and fun moments I've had with the girls. These will eventually get numbered with my 1000 gifts, but I'm so far behind getting all my gifts from this summer typed up!

688. Advice for teaching resistant learners. 
A list of links N.L.W. sent me about suggestions for kids that are resistant to home schooling (like Blaze was, initially). The timing of her sharing these links with me was perfect because I was so discouraged, but reading these gave me hope and determination again.

http://www.littlenaturalcottage.com/homeschooling-the-strong-willed-child/
http://www.successful-homeschooling-blog.com/2011/03/homeschooling-the-difficult-child-part-2-passive-resisters/
http://www.familyministries.com/homeschool.html

689.  My kids starting their own gift lists.
They started making their lists on the tablet. One day I checked the lists, and discovered both had added things to them without me reminding them.

690. My kids starting a goals list, too. 
Blaze came up with the idea of in addition to her gifts list, starting a goals list. I'm so proud of the goals she picked! I'd love to share them but I better check with her first.

691. Compiled all my bible study resources and found some great ideas to do with the girls
Including sharing our family tree and talking about one of my favorite ancestors, my great-great-grandmother Mary Letitia Richey and the difficulties she faced in her life... and tying this into Jesus' family tree, how Ruth and Rahab were part of his lineage and the trials they faced that grew their faith. So many more ideas too.

692. Dreamer's cheerful way of saying "Sure!" when I ask her to do something. 
She struggles sometimes with all the changes, but she is always willing to try. When she's having a good day she'll say "I'm so glad I'm not having a struggling day."

693. Tying lessons to maps (I love maps!) 
One thing I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE about the K12 curriculum is almost every lesson seems to tie into a map. They're constantly making us use maps, asking us where things are, and since I'm a geographer and a map-maker, I LOVE it and I think the girls like it, too. Blaze blew me away one day when she wanted to use Google maps to find something that we weren't even asked to find, and then she showed me how you can get to Streetmap from Google Maps, and we ended up wasting an hour (but what a great waste) using StreetMap to travel down a real road in Kentucky to the opening of Mammoth Cave... and later we used it to "drive by" my old house where I grew up in Buffalo, New York.

694. Getting to share some of things from my own gifts list with the girls
Things they've done or we've done together that I was thankful for - going back 4 years ago. Also I shared with them a neat thing I just learned from the book, A Thousand Gifts: when Jesus took the five loaves and two fishes, he gave thanks and then there was enough bread for everyone. The miracle occurred when he gave thanks.

695. Fun doing our first science experiment together. 
A couple cups of sand, pipecleaners, toothpicks and craft sticks, and a hair blow dryer (testing different methods of stabilizing sand dunes to prevent the spread of deserts into arable land). Blaze loves hands on things like this! It was interesting even for me to see which method worked best and then making a graph comparing results. Made remember why I fell in love science and wanted a career in it, so so many years ago.

September gifts: prayer retreat and pillar of fire

Finally catching up on all the blessings add to my 1000 gifts list. I write these on my calendar, and then as I have a chance I type them up to share here with more details, as a record for my family and another offering of thanksgiving to God.  

696. Fire tornadoes, real pillars of fire
I had never heard of these before! But they are real! Absolutely amazes me the wild things in God's creation They are also called fire whirls. (This is a picture from the web. As neat as these are, I'm not sure I'd want to see one in real life!)

697. Tubing on the Missouri
We almost always get to go tubing when we visit Grandma and Grandpa B's, this time over Labor Day. Blaze and Dreamer are getting quite good at it, Uncle R. had to really bounce them hard over the wake to finally toss them off! I even tried it - what a rush! 

698. Don't color too hard, you'll break your color bone
Starlet tripped over a toy in the yard and cracked her collar bone enough that she had to wear a sling for a few weeks. She mispronounced "collar" once, prompting Uncle T, who is a terrible tease, to ask her if she broke her color bone by coloring too hard.

699.  "What are those humans doing over there?"
One of the adorably odd things about Serious is the way she refers to people as humans all the time. When I ask what she's drawing, she often saws, "I'm drawing humans." Or she'll ask "what are those humans doing over there?"

700. virtual 3D cave
 I got to see a demonstration of the University of Wyoming's new virtual three dimensional "cave" and it was so amazing! You could walk right inside of a spinning virtual globe; jump from the top of a virtual building to the ground; and see the inside of a 3-d representation of a living brain.

701. lizard usb
At our local GIS conference this year I won a lizard usb (flash drive in the shape of a lizard!) After horses, lizards are my favorite animal, and I collect little plastic toy lizards, so this was a fun addition to the collection. 

702. Unexpected agent compliment
After an agent requested the first 100 pages of my young adult book, she did "pass on it" but she took the time to compliment some things about my book, which I am told is a very good sign, as in, "this isn't the right fit for me, but it's good writing"

The next four are from the prayer retreat held by our church at the Snowy Range Lodge up in the mountains.

703. Honey gold of sun shining in on polished logs in lodge

704. Bible jeopardy
The perfect game for this Bible geek!

705. Silent prayer with friends 
Joining other women by the wood stove in the lodge to read the Word and pray on our own and in silent companionship. Normally I would expect women to gravitate to the other more social options at the retreat (or give into the temptation to talk) but I found it so encouraging to be with this quiet group. I prayed through Psalm 40.

706.  All Creatures of Our God and King
I love Fernando Ortega's version of this song. Actually I love any version!

All creatures of our God and King,
    lift up your voice and with us sing,
    O praise ye!  Alleluia!
    O brother sun with golden beam,
    O sister moon with silver gleam!
    O praise ye!  O praise ye!
    Alleluia!  Alleluia!  Alleluia!

O brother wind, air, clouds, and rain,
    by which all creatures ye sustain,
    O praise ye!  Alleluia!
    Thou rising morn, in praise rejoice,
    ye lights of evening, find a voice!
    O praise ye!  O praise ye!
    Alleluia!  Alleluia!  Alleluia!

O sister water, flowing clear,
    make music for thy Lord to hear,
    Alleluia!  Alleluia!
    O brother fire who lights the night,
    providing warmth, enhancing sight,
    O praise ye!  O praise ye!
    Alleluia!  Alleluia!  Alleluia!

All ye who are of tender heart,
    forgiving others, take your part,
    O praise ye!  Alleluia!
    Ye who long pain and sorrow bear,
    praise God and on him cast your care!
    O praise ye!  O praise ye!
    Alleluia!  Alleluia!  Alleluia!

 Let all things their Creator bless,
    and worship him in humbleness,
    O praise ye!  Alleluia!
    Praise, praise the Father, praise the Son,
    and praise the Spirit, Three in One!
    O praise ye!  O praise ye!
    Alleluia!  Alleluia!  Alleluia!

August gifts: planting trees

Finally catching up on all the summer gifts to add to my 1000 gifts list. 
 
677. Planting trees
N.L. told me, "people who plant trees mean to stay" - AMEN. I love my home and I hope to stay here until these tiny trees are tall. Till my girls are tall, too, though already they are too tall since they don't look very small in this big hole!

678. Swimming with horses
I posted pictures of this last year, and I probably will again next year, but it was so much fun to see Blaze coaxing her horse Spring into the lake to try to get her to swim. She actually did get her to swim - for a second - before Spring hightailed it back to shore! Also we had some friends join us in the horse swimming adventure this year.

679. Holding history
Visited University of Wyoming's special collections and got to hold an original 1867 hand drawn map of Ft. Laramie, just purchased for $16,000!

680. Kids making blanket forts
It's amazing how inventive they can get with just a few pillows, baskets and blankets

681. morning prayer group & prayer walking
Proof I'm becoming a morning person (never thought I'd say that!) - I actually love going to a 6:30 am prayer group. Also discovered how much I love to prayer walk. Prayed while walking around the twins' school and around the building where my husband is working

682. My story's first 20 pages placing in a contest
I didn't win, but I did place in the top 5, and one of my judges wrote "If this book was available for purchase, I would buy it in a nanosecond."

683. First week of homeschooling
I'm still amazed that God finally brought me the place where I am actually homeschooling two of my girls, instead of talking about wanting to do it, as I've been talking about for years.

684.  Being prepared for a hard transition
I knew transitioning from regular school to homeschool would be hard. I've had several homeschool parents tell me: you will feel like giving up. Don't!  I'm so thankful they prepared me. So far I've had two very hard days, where there was a constant whisper in my head: my one daughter doesn't want to do this. I'll never have the patience and grace for this. This is just too hard. But I also had two days where I got into great discussions with my girls, when one of them said, "I'm so glad you're homeschooling me", and the other one said "I don't like Bible study but this isn't so bad because you let me talk" ...then I knew that though this would be really hard, I could do this with God's strength.

685.  Our God name
At church, Pastor taught that when we get to heaven, we will hear God's own name for us (just as God gave Simon His own name, Peter). "I will also give that person a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to the one who receives it." Revelation 2:7.  Makes me long for heaven even more, to know God's name for me.

686. Haybale bigger than the truck it's in
Can't believe my husband didn't get pulled over for driving around like this!

687.  "Kings and Queens" by Audio Adrenaline
Little hands, shoeless feet, lonely eyes looking back at me
Will we leave behind the innocent too brief
On their own, on the run when their lives have only begun
These could be our daughters and our sons
And just like a drum I can hear their hearts beating
I know my God won’t let them be defeated
Every child has a dream to belong and be loved

Boys become kings, girls will be queens
Wrapped in Your majesty
When we love, when we love the least of these
Then they will be brave and free
Shout your name in victory
When we love when we love the least of these
When we love the least of these

Break our hearts once again
Help us to remember when
We were only children hoping for a friend
Won’t you look around these are the lives that the world has forgotten
Waiting for doors of our hearts and our homes to open

If not us who will be like Jesus
To the least of these
If not us tell me who will be like Jesus
Like Jesus to the least of these

Boys become kings, girls will be queens
Wrapped in your majesty
When we love, when we love the least of these
Then they will be brave and free shout your name in victory
We will love we will love the least of these

How God shared my testimony

I had such a HUGE gift/blessing last week that I can't wait to post it in one of my 1000 gifts posts, but I have to share it right now. 

My parents and I love the 1980's mini-series based on Herman Wouk's book Winds of War. Mom bought the DVD set for Christmas and we watched it and when it was over we all wished there was more. I knew Wouk had a sequel to the book, so I looked it up and sure enough there was another mini-series (with some different actors) on the sequel, War and Remembrance. I finally ordered it from the library and started watching it with my Dad a few weekends ago while my Mom was away in Ohio for her family reunion.

That weekend I had lots of time to spend with my Dad and God really pushed me to share the Word with him as it's been several years since I've tried sharing anything with him, because he's so resistant. But I kept putting it off and the whole weekend passed and I never said anything.

So the next weekend comes around and Mom's back and all three of us watch the next episode of War and Remembrance. One of the main characters is Aaron Jastrow, an American Jew who had lived most of his life in his ivory academic tower and was never serious about his heritage, until he ended up in a concentration camp during WWII. Being persecuted for being a Jew, for the first time he embraced his faith. In one long scene, he shared a message from the book of Job to other Jews in the camp, on why God allows such senseless evil and suffering like what they were going through.

The actor actually quoted Job 38: 1-8, the VERY SAME verses that God answered me with, when I challenged whether He was real or not, back in 1993 when I was still agnostic but searching for the truth.

It's as if God was saying to me: "if you are not brave enough to share your testimony and speak My Word, then I WILL DO IT FOR YOU!"

I knew I could not remain silent anymore. I told B. and the kids what had happened, about how my parents got to hear not only verses from the Bible, but also an amazing sermon about one of the most amazing and powerful speeches God has ever spoken to man, and verses that have more personal meaning to me than any other verses in the Bible.  Blaze and Dreamer got excited about sharing their testimonies, too.

The next day I told asked my parents if I could share something important to me, with them, and I re-read those verses:

Then out of the storm the Lord spoke to Job:
Who are you to question my wisdom with your empty words?
Now stand up straight and answer the questions I ask you.
Where you when I made the world?
If you know  so much, tell me about it.
Who decided how large it would be?
Who stretched the measuring line over it?
Do you know all the answers?
What holds up the pillars that support the earth?
Who laid the cornerstone of the world?
In the dawn of that day the stars sang together
And the heavenly beings shouted for joy.

I was able to talk for at least 20 minutes about my story leading up to this moment when I read these verses and how they rocked my world, and how even now nearly 20 years later they still rock my world. Through all of this they listened - my mom is always polite but this time she seemed genuinely interested, and my Dad usually gets a stony, angry  expression and refuses to look at me, but he didn't this time. He didn't say anything for  a long time, but I kept silently praying that he would say something, that he would be stirred/drawn by God through my testimony.

When he finally did speak, he mentioned some people from his long ago past that turned him off with their brand of Christianity, things that he's still bitter about, so that was unfortunate, but when I left and said goodbye I thanked him for listening to me and told him I loved him, and he said "I love you" back, which is very, very, VERY rare for him to say that... so I was able to leave feeling hopeful. And especially so about my mother. I know it's been a huge trial for her, taking care of my father as Parkinson's disease has made him so dependent on her, and it has brought her to her knees a couple times... she knows she needs prayer, she needs God (though I keep praying that she would get into the Word and realize what comfort and encouragement can be found there on a daily basis - our daily bread).

Writing this over a week later, I am still awed by how God brought those verses from Job to my parents.

July gifts: church camp

Finally catching up on all the summer gifts to add to my 1000 gifts list. 

666. Visiting Blaze and Dreamer at church camp
Our church had a summer camp for kids for the first time this year, and the Snowy Range Lodge had just finished constructing a beautiful outdoor chapel for their daily chapel time. B. and I visited the girls for their chapel time in the middle of the week and afterwards the girls were excited to show up their cabin.

667. God's word is not chained
2 Tim 2:9:  Remember Jesus Christ, raised from the dead, descended from David. This is my gospel, for which I am suffering, even to the point of being chained like a criminal. But God's word is not chained.

668. Practicing memory verses on long drive back and forth to Cheyenne
It's a 45 minute drive from Laramie to Cheyenne for my OA meetings, and after a while I get bored listening to music, so I've been working on my memory verses: Psalm 34, Psalm 84 and Psalm 19.

669. The twins swimming on their own
B's sister Monica invited us to join her and her extended family for their reunion in Winter Park, Colorado, which meant the kids had unlimited access to the resort swimming pool for a couple days. The twins (six years old) started out with water wings but so much time in the water, wasn't long before they were doggy paddling on their own

670. Blaze's "ride to music"
Blaze competed in the county fair horse show this year, placing in some of the English classes and an exciting 2nd & 3rd place in barrel racing and pole-bending. But the highlight for both of us was putting together her own "choreography" for the "ride to music" class. She started out side-passing, backing, and full-turn-on-the-quarters with her horse Spring to a slow piece of music (Hymne by Vangelis) and then switched to a fast song, Butterfly by Aqua), trotting and cantering patterns, picking up and swinging her prop (a big butterfly on stick) and finishing with jumping with her hands up in the air! 

671. Dreamer's "blue ribbon" poster for county fair

672. Gratitude is antidote to self pity
One of my friends at the OA meeting shared this saying.

673. Bunnies
We have seen an unusual number of rabbits this year, and there are baby rabbits in my parents' backyard that the girls love to try to "sneak up" on. 


674. Moose on my walk
On a twilight walk around my neighborhood, I noticed a couple police cars with flashing lights driving up and down our main street. One of them passed me, then stopped and warned me that there was a moose in the neighborhood and that I should get inside. There are actually more moose attacks than bear or mountain lion attacks, so I know it's wise to keep your distance from these giant animals. I was too far from home so I ended up on a neighbor's porch as we watched the young female moose trot right up the street past us, casually step over a fence and disappear over the hill behind the neighborhood.

675.  Expanding my comfort zone
I came across this post on the Zen Habits blog (not a religious blog) and it really made me think about how fear of discomfort can limit my opportunities and full experience of life.

Think about the major problems in your life — from anxiety to lack of regular exercise to a bad diet to procrastination and more.

Pretty much every one of these problems is caused by a fear of discomfort.

Discomfort isn’t intense pain, but just the feeling you get when you’re out of your comfort zone.

Eating vegetables for many people, for example, brings discomfort. So does sitting in meditation, or sitting with a hard task in front of you, or saying No to people, or exercising. (Of course, different people are uncomfortable with different things, but you get the idea.)

And most people don’t like discomfort. They run from it. It’s not fun, so why do it?

The problem is that when you run from discomfort all the time, you are restricted to a small zone of comfort, and so you miss out on most of life. On most of the best things in life, in fact. And you become unhealthy, because if eating healthy food and exercising is uncomfortable, then you go to comfort foods and not moving much. Being unhealthy, unfortunately, is also uncomfortable, so then you seek distractions from this (and the fact that you have debt and too much clutter, etc.) in food and entertainment and shopping (as if spending will solve our problems!) and this in turn makes things worse.

Amazingly, the simple act of being OK with discomfort can solve all these problems.

This is a discovery I made a few years back, when I was trying to change my life. I started by trying to quit smoking, but I hated the feeling of having an urge to smoke and not actually smoking. It was uncomfortable to resist that strong urge. My mind resisted, tried to make up all kinds of rationalizations for smoking. My mind tried to run from this discomfort, tried to seek distractions.

I learned to sit and watch the discomfort. And when I did, incredibly, it wasn’t too bad. My world didn’t end, nor did my mind implode. I was just uncomfortable for a bit, and then life moved on....

I repeated this process for changing my diet, for getting out of debt and not spending so much, for beating procrastination, and so on...  It's actually a good thing - when you are uncomfortable, you are trying something new, you're learning, you're expanding, you're becoming more than you were. Discomfort is a sign that you're growing.

676.  Where I Belong, by Building 429 - Dreamer fell in love with this song at church camp and actually memorized the whole song!

Sometimes it feels like I'm watching from the outside
Sometimes it feels like I'm breathing but am I alive
I won't keep searching for answers that aren't here to find

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

So when the walls come falling down on me
And when I'm lost in the current of a raging sea
I have this blessed assurance holding me.

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

When the earth shakes I wanna be found in You
When the lights fade I wanna be found in You

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

July gifts: riding in the Bighorn mountains

I'm only now finally getting around to posting some things from this summer... 

Eighteen or nineteen summers ago I first came to the Bighorns Mountains in northern Wyoming and hiked the forest roads and trails going over Rt 14 and 14A, awed by the great open vistas and the carpets of wildflowers. I saw a forest ranger riding a horse, and vowed that someday I’d come back not just to hike but to ride these great broad swaths of meadow between mountains crags and fragrant spruce forests. 

652. That 18 year long dream to ride in the Bighorn Mountains is finally fulfilled! 

 The ride this morning made me joyful beyond measure, not only riding here finally at last, but with my whole family. B. rode Tuffy, I road Tia, Blaze rode Strike, Dreamer on Spring, and Starlet and Serious took turns riding Rebel with the other riding behind someone else.

653. Saving a nest of baby birds

Yesterday on our drive up from Laramie, we stopped at Sanford’s in Casper for lunch, and B. discovered that there was nest of baby birds up underneath the trailer hitch. We’d taken them away from their parents! The girls were all kinds of worried about the little birds and spent hours catching grasshoppers and grubs feeding the baby birds with a pair of tweezers. 

654. Perfect camping/riding spot

It took us a couple tries, but we found a beautiful spot with water and grass for the horses  (and trees to "high line" them; the safest way to tie horses) AND a beautiful view for us: Forest road 145 (off of 15)

655. Building a forest fort
 The girls right away found a makeshift “fort” that some other kids must have built in among the trees, and they started industriously fixing it up and adding to it

656. Discovering a stream

After riding the horses up to the top of the bald hill, right up close to a tremendous cliff, we went back to camp and then explored the forest trails behind our meadow. After just a few hundred yards we found a little stream and which is a relief as our trailer’s tank leaked out yesterday during travel. All the horses except Tia (who is spooked by running water) had a long drink. Strike gave Blaze and Starlet a scare while they were riding him.  He got stuck in the mud along the stream and actually went down on his knees for a moment but recovered quickly without freaking out (good horse!) 

657. Horses loose grazing in a mountain meadow

As I am typing this under a spruce tree at the edge of the meadow, with my magnificent view of the mountains, three of our horses are grazing near me (loose on their lead ropes) – we figure they won’t go too far from the other two horses that are still tied up. (hopefully).

658. Porcupine Falls

This was too far away to ride too, but worth the half hour drive to visit, and the steep mile hike down into a deep canyon. I have never seen a falls like this before, where a small stream breaks off from the main falls and goes through a tunnel before it comes out again!

659.  Acting like a granny

Starlet amused us by imitating "Granny" from the movie Ice Age: Continental Drift.

660. Wildflowers and sage

My poor camera doesn't do the great vistas justice, or the close up details of all the wildflowers - especially the pools of purple lupine. Even the sage is beautiful. B. grew up in Wyoming, so sagebrush is common like a weed to him, but I love it, the silver leaves and the wonderful "western" smell of crushed leaves

661. History watching over us

B. said there is a lot of history in these mountains - Indians and fur trappers and mountain men. He felt like the forest was haunted, but not in a bad way: not ghosts – more like history is watching over us.

662. Twin fawns, moose, elk

Just some of the larger animals we got to see on this trip!

663. Crossing a stream on our horses

On our second day we took another trail ride, down in a valley with a big winding stream at the bottom. The stream made so many loops the girls fancied it spelled "M O M". Of course the girls wanted to make the horses cross the stream as many times as possible... and of course I was riding the one horse (Tia) who doesn't like crossing streams! I had to get off and let B. get on her to "convince" her to finally cross, but after the first crossing she did just fine. Here's a picture I took from Tia's back as we approached the "scary" stream.

664. Horse hugs

My beloved old horse Rebel giving Serious a "horse hug" (nuzzle). Serious never leaves Rebel’s side for more than a few minutes and she has “taken over” feeding him taking care of him on this trip, though mostly he just leads him around to where she thinks he should go. 

665. My handsome man and his handsome horse (Tuffy)