Forgive me, the title was an abbreviation of "mountain lion show" and "panic attack", two events which are (fortunately) not specifically related to each other. Stars last evening here with us, we took all the kids to the Jubilee Days carnival in downtown Laramie, and there was a new show this year with a mountain lion. She was a two year female mountain lion, not really trained yet but her handler still had us all ooohing and aaahing as he got her to leap up ten feet or higher in the air, chasing after a toy on a stick (actually he said mountain lions can leap up to twenty feet!). The handler would toss an empty cardboard box across the pen and the lion would chase after it, bat it around, and then jump inside of it and crouch down. Just like a regular size kitty playing with a box or a bag. Made you just want to go up and pet her and scatch her under chin (which her handler did a couple times, too).
B. was most impressed by the lion's tail, he has this fixation with cat tails. For instance, if our poor innocent cat, Cleo, happens to be sleeping with her tail in a vulnerable position, B. will creep up on her and then "pounce" on her tail and pin it down with his foot! (It's amazing Cleo isn't neurotic). Well once the mountain lion poked her tail out of the wire mesh of her pen while she was crouched in her box, and when B. saw that giant twitching tail, he got all twitchy himself. Ha! - I'd like to see what would happen if he'd try to stomp on that kitty tail!
So now the panic attack part. We let the twins go on their very first ride, each with an older sister (we had to wheedle with the tickettaker to allow Blaze to go on this ride, 'cause it's supposed to be for smaller kids). The twins went around on that airplane merry-go-round with the biggest grins on their faces! So, it was their first ride. But when I got on the boat swing (which always used to be my favorite ride) with Blaze, I decided that very well might be my last ride.
For the first five minutes I was just fine, enjoying the great sweeping motion like I always had before. But then I noticed the person running the ride was fiddling with the controls. The boat started swinging even higher. More fiddling with the controls. Dear Lord, had the mechanism broken? Were were going to swing out-of-control? Or just keep on swinging until someone could get it fixed? My imagination put me into a panic attack. I kept watching the fellow fiddling with the controls and tried not to panic (or swear), until I couldn't stand it anymore and closed my eyes. But after another few minutes, since no one else around me was panicking, I decided maybe my life and my daughter's might be spared after all. Nothing terrible happened. We just kept swinging, for a VERY LONG time. Everyone else seemed psyched to be getting an extra long ride. Blaze was lovng it. Eventually the swing slowed down and I wobbled back down to firm ground. Apparently I don't have the guts for these thrill rides anymore. Another grim sign of the fast approaching 40 year mark.
Stars shared a dream with me that I just have to share, too. She told me she was dreaming of shopping in Macy's when there was a store-wide announcement that there as a fire in the building and would everyone please evacuate. Sounds like a scary dream, right? But no, this is classic Stars: shortly after the first announcement, she dreamed there was a second one. "Please feel free to take any of the merchandise with you as you are leaving the store." Grin.
Now Stars is back home in Washington, and Blaze just spent the first of four nights at Bible camp up in the mountains,. Kids will grow up and go away! But after the initial slight depression of having a slightly less-full household, I am adjusted and trying to get back into my routine. For the past month, my writing progress has been non-existant, and my spiritual life has been not much better. I am a full week behind on my Bible read-through, and behind on my memorization, too. A few days ago I was re-reading some earlier posts and came across a challenge to myself following the womens' leadership event and Beth Moore event. Here's what I wrote:
I am pretty sure God was trying to teach me two things this weekend from these two events: I want you more with Me, and I want you reaching out more to other women, and that means your own daughters, too.
I had meant to try to talk with Stars (as much as she was willing) while she was here, but I'd completely forgotten about my challenge. She had just a day left at that point when I re-read the above. So I determined that I would broach the subject with something simple like "where do you feel you are spiritually, these days?" But we were so busy that last day I never got around to it. Finally after we got home from the carnival and she was doing the last of her packing I couldn't put it off any longer. I went down to her room to help her pack and to start a little conversation. But she was on the phone with a friend. "Oh can my friend come over for a little while?" she asks me. "She said she'd help me pack." "Oh, I'll help you pack!" I said. Her face fell. "But I really wanted to see Chesca one more time before I leave." I was disappointed, but it was really my fault that I'd waited until the last minute. So of course her friend came over. And I retreated to sit with my neglected Bible, much convicted and determined to not let opportunties slide again. I did end up having a good talk with Blaze the next day on Biblical attitiudes. But I need to pray more about discipling my girls and make opportunities happen, instead of just waiting for them to happen.
This morning I got up at 6:00 to go for an early morning walk (another habit that I've let slide for a couple weeks) and took along my voice recorder to practice my memory verses. It was a perfect summer morning. The fields and hills are all so very green from all the rain we've had this summer, and there was enough breeze to keep the mosquitos at bay. My heart was very full.
Here are the verses I was supposed to have memorized by the end of June:
Psalm 34: 11-13
Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days,
keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies.
And verses 14-16 that I just started this morning, which I'm supposed to have memorized by July 15th:
Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.
The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry;
the face of the LORD is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
fireflies and 4th of July
I never thought we could possibly cram one more living being in our mini-van, but B. insisted we bring the puppy, Remington (Remie) with us on our trip to South Dakota. Now I may say "puppy", but it's misnomer. He's about 7 months old, but in reality he is 60 pounds or more of very large dog. But he was very well-behaved on the long 9 hour drive.
Though the fourth of July was our 10th anniversary, we didn't really celebrate it. That will be for later. I'm still in the planning stage. However B. did get me flowers and a card and Stars picked out a decadent chocolate cake for us. And we did have 60 people show up for our anniversary, with fireworks (granted, most of the extended family didn't know it was our anniversary. They just showed up for the annual family beer-drinking fest).
I was delighted to see fireflies in the evenings, which always reminds me of summers on the farm in New York.
On Sunday we went boating on the Missouri River, and Blaze went tubing for the first time. She absolutely loved it! Here she is with her Uncle Rod and Aunt Josie.
Here is Stars, driving my van back from the river with B. looking slightly concerned in the passenger seat. I followed behind in Rod and Josie's car, and I didn't see her go off the road once (grin). Actually I have been letting her drive quite a bit around our subdivision. But this was her first time on a real road.
Blaze and Dreamer had a lot of fun catching toads and frogs.
My four girls in red, white and blue, taking inventory of the toad collection on Grandma's porch.
Though the fourth of July was our 10th anniversary, we didn't really celebrate it. That will be for later. I'm still in the planning stage. However B. did get me flowers and a card and Stars picked out a decadent chocolate cake for us. And we did have 60 people show up for our anniversary, with fireworks (granted, most of the extended family didn't know it was our anniversary. They just showed up for the annual family beer-drinking fest).
I was delighted to see fireflies in the evenings, which always reminds me of summers on the farm in New York.
On Sunday we went boating on the Missouri River, and Blaze went tubing for the first time. She absolutely loved it! Here she is with her Uncle Rod and Aunt Josie.
Here is Stars, driving my van back from the river with B. looking slightly concerned in the passenger seat. I followed behind in Rod and Josie's car, and I didn't see her go off the road once (grin). Actually I have been letting her drive quite a bit around our subdivision. But this was her first time on a real road.
Blaze and Dreamer had a lot of fun catching toads and frogs.
My four girls in red, white and blue, taking inventory of the toad collection on Grandma's porch.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Horse shows, and a ride by moonlight
My stepdaughter (14 years old) is here for a little over a month this summer, and it has been a busy time. She had a horse show in Idaho, about half way between her home in Moses Lake, WA and ours here in Laramie, WY, so B. drove out to meet her at the show and bring her and her horse back here. Her horse, Callie (Cruise On Callie) is a Quarter Horse palomino mare with the cutest ears I ever saw, slightly curved inward so they almost point to each other. She is also a very well-trained show horse, and Stars has become an excellent rider. She has this horse trained to jog and lope as slow as a walk, and to turn, stop and back immediately with just the lightest touch of leg and rein. She is trustworthy enough to put the twins on her, bareback!
We went to a show down in Greeley, CO and Stars and her horse Callie won almost everything in sight, coming back with SIX trophies, high point in the English classes and Western classes, and that meant she also won high point overall for her age class (14-17 yrs). She said, however, that there wasn't the same level of competition at that show that she is used to, she was only competing against 3 to 4 other girls. Last weekend we went to another show in Cheyenne, and she did almost as well, winning high point in the Western classes.
This girl is very serious about showing, with more horse gear than you could possibly imagine for just one horse! Three saddles, three bridles, three blankets and a "sleezy" (that's a covering for head and neck), dozens of tail bags, a show halter, dust covers for everything, myriad boots and spurs and hats, beautiful sequined show outfits, and some doohickies I don't even know what they are used for! When I showed, way back when, I certainly didn't have all this fancy stuff!
I am familiar with all the English show classes, but it has been an education learning about the Western ones - "showmanship", "western pleasure" "western equitation", and "trail". Most of these require very precise movements while executing patterns. The trail class is most complex of all, with opening/closing gates from horseback, stepping over and backing through rails, crossing a bridge, retrieving items from mailboxes, and other things. I'll post a video of the trail class here soon.
Since Stars rides almost everyday to keep Callie fine-tuned, it has been great motivation for me to ride more and work with Blaze and Dreamer with their riding, too. I am taking turns riding all our horses to figure out which one will work best for Blaze to show. She is interested in barrel racing, too! I'm also really tempted to get back into showing, especially jumping. Though we have six horses right now, none have been trained for barrel racing or jumping. A couple are just barely ridable yet at all. It's going to be a lot of work, but we have to get them trained anyway because we can't afford to keep all six - B.'s plan all along was to sell a couple after getting them trained.
A couple nights ago Stars asked me if we could go for a ride at night. I used to do this on full-moon nights once in a while, just for the thrill, but I haven't done it since moving to Wyoming 15 years ago. At first I was a little dubious, since there was only a half moon. But there was plenty of light - enough even for moon-shadows. And since there are a lot less than trees than in woods in New York where I used to ride, it wasn't quite as scary, even when we trotted. Still there were a few moments that made me catch my breath - when we startled an antelope alongside the road and it in turn startled the horses when it took off running. Thank goodness I was riding my old pal Rebel, who doesn't spook easily. But thrills aside, there is nothing like getting out on a warm summer night under a starry sky. We went up to the end of our subdivision road, toward the foothills, high enough that on our way back we had a glorious view of the city lights twinkling below us.
Besides riding, Stars has been spending time with a couple friends and also with her Granny here in town and her aunt's family in Cheyenne. She is a voracious reader, like me, so during one of our Cheyenne trips we visited the fancy new library there. The library had a great play area for the twins, so I could browse through the shelves to my heart's content without having to keep chasing after them. I was only going to pick out two books, but it was just too tempting. I came home with 5! Between all the riding, and now these books, my writing progress has dwindled to nothing. Ah well, there will be time again after Stars heads back home.
My stepdaughter really likes to pick outfits and dress the twins up, and then fix their hair up fancy with curls or braids or flips. She said I really needed to get more outfits for Serious and Starlet, though. Well, money being pretty tight around here, buying new clothes wasn't an option, but when I told her that I can trade out-grown clothes in at a store in Cheyenne in exchange for other clothes, she said "let's go!". So after our library trip we went to the "Once Upon a Child" store. I got a $9 credit for clothes I traded in, and we lucked out that they had a bunch of clothes on clearance for $1, so I let Stars pick out 9 shirts, dresses and shirt/short combos for the twins. She had a blast. Now today she is on mission to go through all the toys in the house and organize them. Blaze and Dreamer are gone for a week (at Grandma and Grandpa's in South Dakota) so it is a good opportunity to sort through everything and box some stuff up. We definitely have way too many toys and the girls don't play with even half of them. I have been meaning to get a system for "rotating" toys but just never seem to get around to it... so I am happy, and amused, that Stars wants to roll up her sleeves and get to work.
We went to a show down in Greeley, CO and Stars and her horse Callie won almost everything in sight, coming back with SIX trophies, high point in the English classes and Western classes, and that meant she also won high point overall for her age class (14-17 yrs). She said, however, that there wasn't the same level of competition at that show that she is used to, she was only competing against 3 to 4 other girls. Last weekend we went to another show in Cheyenne, and she did almost as well, winning high point in the Western classes.
This girl is very serious about showing, with more horse gear than you could possibly imagine for just one horse! Three saddles, three bridles, three blankets and a "sleezy" (that's a covering for head and neck), dozens of tail bags, a show halter, dust covers for everything, myriad boots and spurs and hats, beautiful sequined show outfits, and some doohickies I don't even know what they are used for! When I showed, way back when, I certainly didn't have all this fancy stuff!
I am familiar with all the English show classes, but it has been an education learning about the Western ones - "showmanship", "western pleasure" "western equitation", and "trail". Most of these require very precise movements while executing patterns. The trail class is most complex of all, with opening/closing gates from horseback, stepping over and backing through rails, crossing a bridge, retrieving items from mailboxes, and other things. I'll post a video of the trail class here soon.
Since Stars rides almost everyday to keep Callie fine-tuned, it has been great motivation for me to ride more and work with Blaze and Dreamer with their riding, too. I am taking turns riding all our horses to figure out which one will work best for Blaze to show. She is interested in barrel racing, too! I'm also really tempted to get back into showing, especially jumping. Though we have six horses right now, none have been trained for barrel racing or jumping. A couple are just barely ridable yet at all. It's going to be a lot of work, but we have to get them trained anyway because we can't afford to keep all six - B.'s plan all along was to sell a couple after getting them trained.
A couple nights ago Stars asked me if we could go for a ride at night. I used to do this on full-moon nights once in a while, just for the thrill, but I haven't done it since moving to Wyoming 15 years ago. At first I was a little dubious, since there was only a half moon. But there was plenty of light - enough even for moon-shadows. And since there are a lot less than trees than in woods in New York where I used to ride, it wasn't quite as scary, even when we trotted. Still there were a few moments that made me catch my breath - when we startled an antelope alongside the road and it in turn startled the horses when it took off running. Thank goodness I was riding my old pal Rebel, who doesn't spook easily. But thrills aside, there is nothing like getting out on a warm summer night under a starry sky. We went up to the end of our subdivision road, toward the foothills, high enough that on our way back we had a glorious view of the city lights twinkling below us.
Besides riding, Stars has been spending time with a couple friends and also with her Granny here in town and her aunt's family in Cheyenne. She is a voracious reader, like me, so during one of our Cheyenne trips we visited the fancy new library there. The library had a great play area for the twins, so I could browse through the shelves to my heart's content without having to keep chasing after them. I was only going to pick out two books, but it was just too tempting. I came home with 5! Between all the riding, and now these books, my writing progress has dwindled to nothing. Ah well, there will be time again after Stars heads back home.
My stepdaughter really likes to pick outfits and dress the twins up, and then fix their hair up fancy with curls or braids or flips. She said I really needed to get more outfits for Serious and Starlet, though. Well, money being pretty tight around here, buying new clothes wasn't an option, but when I told her that I can trade out-grown clothes in at a store in Cheyenne in exchange for other clothes, she said "let's go!". So after our library trip we went to the "Once Upon a Child" store. I got a $9 credit for clothes I traded in, and we lucked out that they had a bunch of clothes on clearance for $1, so I let Stars pick out 9 shirts, dresses and shirt/short combos for the twins. She had a blast. Now today she is on mission to go through all the toys in the house and organize them. Blaze and Dreamer are gone for a week (at Grandma and Grandpa's in South Dakota) so it is a good opportunity to sort through everything and box some stuff up. We definitely have way too many toys and the girls don't play with even half of them. I have been meaning to get a system for "rotating" toys but just never seem to get around to it... so I am happy, and amused, that Stars wants to roll up her sleeves and get to work.
Stars with Dreamer and Starlet (right before Starlet got her cast taken off)
Dreamer's fancy hairdo - she loves to have her big sis fix up her hair!
The twins just love to crawl up on the fence and pet the horses. Starlet trying to reach Ally, and Serious trying to reach Jewel.
Folly looks a little uncertain about having both twins trying to pet her!
Blaze and Dreamer riding Callie with only a halter and lead rope!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
writing blogs
Last week Beth Moore posted a blog which was just a little bit about writing and a lot about other fun stuff. I don't have enough time to read blogs on a regular basis - but I keep up with Beth's pretty often. You never know what you'll find there.
Here's what she had to say about writing:
Writing is not for the fainthearted or those with a strong affinity for instant gratification. Or, come to think of it, for those who can't take criticism. It is a hard profession that you only want to take up if you absolutely can't keep from writing to save your life. That reminds me, I read the coolest book recently by Jerry Jenkins called Writing for the Soul and it's penned specifically to writers OR to those who think there might be a writer deep inside somewhere. If that's you, you ought to think about grabbing a copy. I think you'd be so blessed. I read constantly but I can't say I've ever read anything specifically on writing before. I enjoyed it like crazy.
If you really want to write, you might think of tracking down some cactus and pulling up a lawn chair next to it. But not too close in case you doze off. (LittleWomen21 inserts a happy chuckle here) A simple landscape is sometimes best of all. Our little piece of Texas is a great place to write because it's out in the middle of absolutely nowhere...
Comment from the passenger seat: I can't write outside! Even if I were absolutely in the middle of nowhere (and that's not hard to find in Wyoming!), it's too bright outside to see my laptop screen clearly enough!
One of my favorite places to write is coffee shops. That's where I go when I have writer's block. It always helps. But usually I write at home, at the dining room table, or curled up on the sofa with my laptop on a pillow on my lap and a cup of tea close by. I always know I'm making good writing progress when my tea gets cold before I finish it.
Having a famous Christian lady like Beth Moore even just MENTION writing resulted in almost 100 comments about writing from other readers (including me), and I finally got the time to read through the comments, sure that I would find some other Christian writers. And yup, I found a few, including another lady who also is a mom of young children trying to find time to write. Not to mention finding other writing blogs, I also found a bunch of good writing resources. I am including them all here just so I can come back to this post for helpful links.
However, a word of warning (to myself) - "she that spends much time reading about writing will not accomplish much writing." My progress the last few days has slacked off. I haven't even had a chance to incorporate a wonderful new idea I got during one of early morning walks. Idea keywords: Wings and Trees. When the idea popped into my head I was so giddy I nearly started skipping. The fact that it arrived as I was in the midst of my prayers (I try to pray as I walk, at least part of the time), was certainly a little gift from God, right? Not just a distraction. I hope. (when in doubt, just add that to your prayers)
A few other Christian writer's blogs:
http://cherylbarker.blogspot.com/
http://www.thesimplewife.typepad.com/
http://lynnrush.wordpress.com/
http://heathersturningpoint.blogspot.com/
http://susanjreinhardt.blogspot.com/
http://thewritepower.blogspot.com/
http://inkwellcolorado.blogspot.com/
http://milehighscribes.blogspot.com/
http://stuartmarket.blogspot.com/
http://wannabepublished.blogspot.com/
And entirely off the subject of writing, discovered this website for evaluating your spiritual gifts,
I'm posting it here too because I don't have time to take the test right now but I want to remember to take it soon!
http://www.kodachrome.org/spiritgift/index.htm
Here's what she had to say about writing:
Writing is not for the fainthearted or those with a strong affinity for instant gratification. Or, come to think of it, for those who can't take criticism. It is a hard profession that you only want to take up if you absolutely can't keep from writing to save your life. That reminds me, I read the coolest book recently by Jerry Jenkins called Writing for the Soul and it's penned specifically to writers OR to those who think there might be a writer deep inside somewhere. If that's you, you ought to think about grabbing a copy. I think you'd be so blessed. I read constantly but I can't say I've ever read anything specifically on writing before. I enjoyed it like crazy.
If you really want to write, you might think of tracking down some cactus and pulling up a lawn chair next to it. But not too close in case you doze off. (LittleWomen21 inserts a happy chuckle here) A simple landscape is sometimes best of all. Our little piece of Texas is a great place to write because it's out in the middle of absolutely nowhere...
Comment from the passenger seat: I can't write outside! Even if I were absolutely in the middle of nowhere (and that's not hard to find in Wyoming!), it's too bright outside to see my laptop screen clearly enough!
One of my favorite places to write is coffee shops. That's where I go when I have writer's block. It always helps. But usually I write at home, at the dining room table, or curled up on the sofa with my laptop on a pillow on my lap and a cup of tea close by. I always know I'm making good writing progress when my tea gets cold before I finish it.
Having a famous Christian lady like Beth Moore even just MENTION writing resulted in almost 100 comments about writing from other readers (including me), and I finally got the time to read through the comments, sure that I would find some other Christian writers. And yup, I found a few, including another lady who also is a mom of young children trying to find time to write. Not to mention finding other writing blogs, I also found a bunch of good writing resources. I am including them all here just so I can come back to this post for helpful links.
However, a word of warning (to myself) - "she that spends much time reading about writing will not accomplish much writing." My progress the last few days has slacked off. I haven't even had a chance to incorporate a wonderful new idea I got during one of early morning walks. Idea keywords: Wings and Trees. When the idea popped into my head I was so giddy I nearly started skipping. The fact that it arrived as I was in the midst of my prayers (I try to pray as I walk, at least part of the time), was certainly a little gift from God, right? Not just a distraction. I hope. (when in doubt, just add that to your prayers)
A few other Christian writer's blogs:
http://cherylbarker.blogspot.com/
http://www.thesimplewife.typepad.com/
http://lynnrush.wordpress.com/
http://heathersturningpoint.blogspot.com/
http://susanjreinhardt.blogspot.com/
http://thewritepower.blogspot.com/
http://inkwellcolorado.blogspot.com/
http://milehighscribes.blogspot.com/
http://stuartmarket.blogspot.com/
http://wannabepublished.blogspot.com/
And entirely off the subject of writing, discovered this website for evaluating your spiritual gifts,
I'm posting it here too because I don't have time to take the test right now but I want to remember to take it soon!
http://www.kodachrome.org/spiritgift/index.htm
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
grinding teeth
Twice last week I woke up about 3 am with a terrible pain on the left side of my face, including my jaw and ear, right up to my temples. It was weird because once the painkillers wore off, I was just fine: no evidence of an ear infection, or maybe an aggravated tooth... just a vague achiness in my jaw. After the 2nd incidient, I went to see a doctor, and she decided the most likely cause was I have started grinding my teeth and/or clenching my jaw at night while I sleep, thus aggravating the bundle of facial nerves that radiates out from back behind the ear. Her suggestion was to take a painkiller before bed to maybe prevent clenching up, which seems to be working okay. Except my jaw still aches, just a little. So of course now I think I have bone cancer in my jaw. Ha!
But I think the main cause is stress. We continue to be in financial straits - B.'s business is picking up, but the increased physical work also means his old shoulder injury is flaring up and causing him a lot pain, too, and worry (our healthcare "insurance" won't cover it because its a pre-existng condition).
You would think with all the stress of the past few months, I would be praying more, because when I do take the time to pray, to give my burdens over to God, I am so refreshed and strengthened and hopeful. But that's one of the self-defeating things about stress: the stress itself keeps you to preoccupied to take time for the best cure.
More on prayer here shortly, but first, I haven't had a progress update in over a month, so here goes.
Two progress updates: 1) writing 2) Bible read-through and scripture memory
Every couple weeks I have an intense two or three days of working on my novel, and I've gotten a lot done since my last progress report. Currently I am working on chp. 32, but I've skipped around a lot. Actually, I've really been tearing things apart and doing a lot of restructuring. By now I've pretty much given up hope that this would be a fairly straightforward process of just "polishing up" my novel, adding some voice and tightening things up by cutting out some unnecessary scenes. Sure, I'm cutting all right, but I'm discovering in the process of cutting it's requiring a lot more work and new writing to connect things back together again. But it sure gets my imagination into overdrive. How many other jobs/hobbies out there can one say that you genuinely enjoy making more work for yourself?
The hardest part is trying to carve time out here and there to keep working at it. If more than a couple days pass when I don't get time to work on it, then imagination stalls and I lose motivation... which is why my writing has been in fits and spurts instead of a steady daily process.
ALL the writing books I've ever read (lately I re-read one my favorites, Anne Lammott's "Bird by Bird") have recommended that you set aside the same time every day to write, and I just never seem to be able to do that. I've tried at night after the kids are in bed, but sometimes I'm just too exhausted to keep going. Once or twice I've tried early in the morning before kids wake up, but that is time I need to reserve for devotions, to start my day out right. The twins' nap-time is another option, though getting Blaze and Dreamer to have a "quiet time" at the same time the twins are napping isn't always easy, and then there are other temptations like sometimes I'd really like a nap myself! - or read a good book. Or ride a horse. Ah, what discipline is required! - and I've just never been good about keeping to a regular discipline (which is probably another contributor to stress!)
2) Ah, but setting yourself challenges and goals does help: I am, as of this morning, caught-up and on schedule with my Bible read-through. I am almost half-way through (though I continue to skip around a lot).
Thanks to my voice recorder which I listen to on my morning walks, I am keeping up with my scripture memory challenge too. I have been reviewing Galations 2:20, Matthew 9:12-13, Romans 11:33-36, Hebrews 10:35-36, Isaiah 61:1, and Psalm 34:1-6. These are the verses I am currently working on:
Psalm 34:7-10
The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.
Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
Fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.
The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
Now, back to prayer. Last night I was reading Luke 12, and it really made me stop and sigh, these verses in particular: 31-34
Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and he will give you everything you need.
So don’t be afraid, little flock. For it gives your Father great happiness to give you the Kingdom.
Sell your possessions and give to those in need. This will store up treasure for you in heaven! And the purses of heaven never get old or develop holes. Your treasure will be safe; no thief can steal it and no moth can destroy it. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.
Seek the Kingdom of God above all else! Store up treasure in heaven! Yet I am mostly satisfied with myself that I am keeping up with a Bible read-through, occasional prayers, memorizing a few scriptures, and talking about how I need to witness more to my parents and co-workers, but never actually doing it.
A couple weeks ago my church's mom's group arranged for swapping child care so we could each spend several hours in uninterrupted prayer. At first I was doubtful, can I really concentrate in prayer for such a length of time? But once I got started, it was wonderful. I went through a list of requests all of us moms had compiled and shared with each other, and in between I sang a few songs as worship. I prayed through a Psalm. At the time my daily reading was in Isaiah, and the Lord gave me these verses, Isaiah 43:10-13, that moved me to tears. I could have continued: I could have gone for another couple hours, at least. It is so wonderful to spend such time with God! I didn't realize how empty I was, until God filled me up. I felt like I could never get stressed again!
Yet here I am back as as I was before, barely giving God attention at all. Everything else has crowded back: rushing through my Bible reading, worrying about bills, juggling work and time with family and trying to squeeze in some writing and reading and riding in between it all. Seek the Kingdom above all else! Ah, that I had more of a heart for God instead of just outward appearance of it.
But I think the main cause is stress. We continue to be in financial straits - B.'s business is picking up, but the increased physical work also means his old shoulder injury is flaring up and causing him a lot pain, too, and worry (our healthcare "insurance" won't cover it because its a pre-existng condition).
You would think with all the stress of the past few months, I would be praying more, because when I do take the time to pray, to give my burdens over to God, I am so refreshed and strengthened and hopeful. But that's one of the self-defeating things about stress: the stress itself keeps you to preoccupied to take time for the best cure.
More on prayer here shortly, but first, I haven't had a progress update in over a month, so here goes.
Two progress updates: 1) writing 2) Bible read-through and scripture memory
Every couple weeks I have an intense two or three days of working on my novel, and I've gotten a lot done since my last progress report. Currently I am working on chp. 32, but I've skipped around a lot. Actually, I've really been tearing things apart and doing a lot of restructuring. By now I've pretty much given up hope that this would be a fairly straightforward process of just "polishing up" my novel, adding some voice and tightening things up by cutting out some unnecessary scenes. Sure, I'm cutting all right, but I'm discovering in the process of cutting it's requiring a lot more work and new writing to connect things back together again. But it sure gets my imagination into overdrive. How many other jobs/hobbies out there can one say that you genuinely enjoy making more work for yourself?
The hardest part is trying to carve time out here and there to keep working at it. If more than a couple days pass when I don't get time to work on it, then imagination stalls and I lose motivation... which is why my writing has been in fits and spurts instead of a steady daily process.
ALL the writing books I've ever read (lately I re-read one my favorites, Anne Lammott's "Bird by Bird") have recommended that you set aside the same time every day to write, and I just never seem to be able to do that. I've tried at night after the kids are in bed, but sometimes I'm just too exhausted to keep going. Once or twice I've tried early in the morning before kids wake up, but that is time I need to reserve for devotions, to start my day out right. The twins' nap-time is another option, though getting Blaze and Dreamer to have a "quiet time" at the same time the twins are napping isn't always easy, and then there are other temptations like sometimes I'd really like a nap myself! - or read a good book. Or ride a horse. Ah, what discipline is required! - and I've just never been good about keeping to a regular discipline (which is probably another contributor to stress!)
2) Ah, but setting yourself challenges and goals does help: I am, as of this morning, caught-up and on schedule with my Bible read-through. I am almost half-way through (though I continue to skip around a lot).
Thanks to my voice recorder which I listen to on my morning walks, I am keeping up with my scripture memory challenge too. I have been reviewing Galations 2:20, Matthew 9:12-13, Romans 11:33-36, Hebrews 10:35-36, Isaiah 61:1, and Psalm 34:1-6. These are the verses I am currently working on:
Psalm 34:7-10
The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.
Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
Fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.
The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
Now, back to prayer. Last night I was reading Luke 12, and it really made me stop and sigh, these verses in particular: 31-34
Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and he will give you everything you need.
So don’t be afraid, little flock. For it gives your Father great happiness to give you the Kingdom.
Sell your possessions and give to those in need. This will store up treasure for you in heaven! And the purses of heaven never get old or develop holes. Your treasure will be safe; no thief can steal it and no moth can destroy it. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.
Seek the Kingdom of God above all else! Store up treasure in heaven! Yet I am mostly satisfied with myself that I am keeping up with a Bible read-through, occasional prayers, memorizing a few scriptures, and talking about how I need to witness more to my parents and co-workers, but never actually doing it.
A couple weeks ago my church's mom's group arranged for swapping child care so we could each spend several hours in uninterrupted prayer. At first I was doubtful, can I really concentrate in prayer for such a length of time? But once I got started, it was wonderful. I went through a list of requests all of us moms had compiled and shared with each other, and in between I sang a few songs as worship. I prayed through a Psalm. At the time my daily reading was in Isaiah, and the Lord gave me these verses, Isaiah 43:10-13, that moved me to tears. I could have continued: I could have gone for another couple hours, at least. It is so wonderful to spend such time with God! I didn't realize how empty I was, until God filled me up. I felt like I could never get stressed again!
Yet here I am back as as I was before, barely giving God attention at all. Everything else has crowded back: rushing through my Bible reading, worrying about bills, juggling work and time with family and trying to squeeze in some writing and reading and riding in between it all. Seek the Kingdom above all else! Ah, that I had more of a heart for God instead of just outward appearance of it.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
a weekend in Virginia
My mom treated me to a wonderful weekend in the mountains of Virginia, and my cousin Greg's wedding. It was a sort of "destination wedding" because they decided to get married at the Homestead, a famous resort in Hot Springs, Virginia, a beautiful little town near the Blue Ridge Mountains. And not only were the guests invited to the wedding, but we were all invited to the rehearsal dinner, to a "welcome parlor" before the wedding, and then a "farewell breakfast" the morning after the wedding.
On our last day, we decided to take a different route back to the Dulles Airport and we drove through Charlottesville, home of the University of Virginia. This is one of the colleges I applied to (and didn't get accepted!), but it was fun to go back and see it again. The University was founded by Thomas Jefferson, and he designed the original campus and many of the buildings. We did a brief walk around the Rotunda with its marble balustraded balconies and colonnaded walkways. The fronts of all the buildings on the campus (even on frat row) have a signature four white columns (but the Rotunda has six columns). Very majestic.
Here is a shot of the Homestead. The grounds outside were just as immaculate and showy as all the lounges and ballrooms inside!
Here is a shot of the surrounding countryside, and a bit of the gardens - I'd forgotten how impressive rhododendrons and dogwoods are in full bloom!
Here I am standing in front of one of the hot springs pools, adjacent to the Spa Garden where the marriage ceremony took place. Mom and I came back here after the reception and soaked our feet for a good long time.
Here is Mom basking alongside one of the lush gardens.
And of course, a picture of the bride and groom during their first dance in the Crystal ballroom.
A picture of our lavish table and place settings - I have never seen a table so cram-packed with china, silver, cyrstal, flowers, and all sorts of other goodies. I sat between my mom and my cousin Audra.
We stayed in a bed-and-breakfast that had been remodeled from an old mill. One thing I just loved about this part of Virginia was how old everything was. Most of the buildings were from the 1800's, and yet so well taken care of. The Homestead itself was founded in 1766.
On Sunday after the farewell breakfast, Mom and I went for a walk up the lane from our B & B, alongside an old stone wall, graced with fragrant wild roses and shaded by huge old oaks. It is such a different world from the West.
Then we took off for a drive through the mountains. The winding roads were full of blooming mountain laurel and rhodendron. We were oohing and aahing the whole way. We stopped in the small town of Eagle Rock, where my Grandmother was born and lived until she moved to New York in the 1920's. I called a cousin of mine (once removed) who still lives in the area but he was out on his Sunday excursion too.
Next we headed up onto the Blue Ridge Parkway, a beautiful drive along the crest of the Blue Ridge Mountains. We had to stop at almost every overlook! We also had to stop and feast on fried green tomtoes at the lodge at Peaks of Otter.
I am including this picture because the stream at the bottom of this ravine reminded me so much of the creek at the back of our farm in West Falls, NY (I lived there from 1991-1994, before moving to Wyoming).
I am including this picture because the stream at the bottom of this ravine reminded me so much of the creek at the back of our farm in West Falls, NY (I lived there from 1991-1994, before moving to Wyoming).
The hillside along this creek was blanketed with mountain laurel, like God had decided to do a bit of His own wedding decorating, too.
On our last day, we decided to take a different route back to the Dulles Airport and we drove through Charlottesville, home of the University of Virginia. This is one of the colleges I applied to (and didn't get accepted!), but it was fun to go back and see it again. The University was founded by Thomas Jefferson, and he designed the original campus and many of the buildings. We did a brief walk around the Rotunda with its marble balustraded balconies and colonnaded walkways. The fronts of all the buildings on the campus (even on frat row) have a signature four white columns (but the Rotunda has six columns). Very majestic.
Ahhh... back to the real world now.
Monday, May 25, 2009
a pep rally, Bible-style
This weekend I got to attend two interesting events: Beth Moore's Living Proof Live conference right here in Laramie, and a pre-conference event called "Women Reaching Women". Here's a link to the song "In Christ Alone" - I heard this song first at the Living Proof Live event in Colorado Springs last May, and was thrilled that it was part of the worship again this year.
The pre-conference event was held right at our church and we had about 150 ladies from all over Wyoming, Nebraska and Colorado. The topics ranged from "How to Start a Women's Ministry" to "Heart Friends" to "Involving the Uninvolved". The topic that really struck my heart was one called "Life Changing Bible Study."
That was really the theme of the entire week, at least to me - how a relationship with Jesus Christ, through His Word, really can change your life. I certainly know it has changed my entire worldview, though I would like to see it change more than just my perceptions but also how I live my life: more love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (the fruit of the Spirit) and less pride, selfishness, insecurity, and anger. I know I have a long, long way to go, but this weekend really challenged me that one way God wants to me to grow is to get more involved in encouraging other women and girls to strive toward these goals, too.
Life change all comes down to spending time DAILY with God in His Word and in prayer. Luke 9:23: Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." There is no other way, no other short-cut. Other means of changing, like counseling and therapy and motivational seminars, they will all produce results - but only temporary ones.
The session on Life Changing Bible study focused on James 1:22 "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." The speaker, Martha Lawley, paraphrased it this way: the James 1:22 Deception: when we think it is good enough just to know the Word.
She tied this into 2 Tim 3:6-7: "weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth." It doesn't matter how many Bible studies you've been through (and I've been through many... at least two a year now, for the past 14 years), it doesn't matter how much Scripture you have memorized, or how far you get in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire Bible version (I actually put together a version of that game once!)... unless you DO it.
Here's a famous quote she used that really hit this home: "Einstein's definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result."
Then she pointed to how Jesus taught his disciples: they didn't just go to a study with their Master for an hour, then head home or off fishing again till next week's meeting. They left everything behind and followed him. Learning was intimately connected with doing. Jesus also had to re-teach them the same thing many times.
Of course we can't practically model this method of discipleship, but we can try to share our lives more with each other, be more open and transparent about or own progress or lack of progress, and apply the method of re-teaching. Instead of finishing one Bible study and moving right on to the next one, stay with just one study, or even just one Biblical principle, until you've got it down. Until you see progress in living it out. (Jesus doesn't expect perfection, only progress).
Okay, on to Beth Moore's topic. (Another ridiculously long blog. Good thing I write these things for myself, to reinforce what I've learned... if you've made it this far reading this, I'm impressed).
I had one friend who didn't want to go to Beth Moore's conference because she is boycotting Lifeway, the company that promotes Beth Moore, because Lifeway promotes people instead of God. Another friend wouldn't go because she said she said it was just a pep rally.
Both of them are right: Lifeway does promote people, not God, and the Living Proof Live event was a pep rally! I am glad I have some friends who are more discerning than I am... but, I'm also glad I went. I wondered if it could be any equal to my first live Beth Moore event last May in Colorado Springs, where she taught on Matthew 16:24-28, summed up in 16:25 "If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it." These four verses still make my heart go pitter-patter every time I read them, as a result of the excellent teaching Beth brought to us. This year she picked Psalm 66 to teach on.
I am so thankful that Beth Moore remains completely focused on the Bible. On her website, she states that her ministry, and her passion, is to encourage women to know Christ more through His Word. Her method is a combination of pep rally tactics (including emotional manipulation) but also good, solid Bible teaching, topped off with some serious challenges. I know I needed that encouragement, that teaching, and those challenges. I've read Psalm 66 probably dozens of times, but that's all I've ever done is read it, and its certainly not one of those Psalms that jumps out at you, like say Psalm 23, 27, 34, or 139. However, it will certainly jump out at me from now on! Beth studied it thoroughly and with a heart-felt desire to apply it and teach us how to apply it.
She picked 66:9 as the theme of the Psalm: "He trained us first, passed us like silver through refining fires" (the Message). Then she had eight points on how the Lord trains us/tests us, and the glorious results. I won't go into all eight points she covered, but here are a the three that spoke to me the most:
1) He trains us to praise louder. 66:2 Make His praise glorious!
When we praise the Lord, we show God's worth to others. We show them how splendid He is, how copious, how worthy. Our praise also silences our foes (Psalm 8:2). I wish I could capture just some of the passion and wisdom she shared with this verse. I don't believe any unbelievers who might have been standing in that crowd could have emerged without at least some marveling - if not for God, then for how believers can be so captivated by Him!
2) He trains us to emerge purer. 66:18 If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord will not hear me.
One of the things I love about Beth is how vocal she is for purity, especially sexual purity in a culture where we are saturated with sex, not just in the media but in talk and insinuations where ever you go.
3) He trains us to pass the Word on. 66:16 Come and hear, all who fear God, and I will tell of what He has done for me. She encouraged us to share our story, to tell other people what God has done for us. To mentor younger women. In fact, she had all the women under 30 come down to the center of the arena, and then encouraged all the rest of us older ladies to pour our hearts out and our lives into this younger generation. Before the TV generations, most women knew at most only a few hundred other women to compare themselves against or to look up to. Now, young women are exposed to thousands of other women through the media, they are forced up against a "model" of womanhood that is completely unbiblical, sex-based, and basing our worth as women on looks or professional success or how many men you've had. They desperately need (we all desperately need) strong women of faith and purity to look up to.
I am pretty sure God was trying to teach me two things this weekend from these two events: I want you more with Me, and I want you reaching out more to other women, and that means your own daughters, too.
As you can tell, I'm all fired up. The pep rally really pepped me. Now, do I apply what I learned? It is certainly providence that our mom's Bible study has dedicated the next week for all of us to take turn watching each other's kids so that we can each spend a half-day alone in uninterrupted prayer (my time will be Wednesday morning). Boy do I have a lot to pray about from this weekend, as well as prayer for my family, my church (we've had some issues crop up in another Bible study), our finances, my parents.
As a little challenge to myself, I'm going to start a new blog label "goals of a follower" where I plan to follow up on myself with 1) more time with God and 2) more time mentoring my daughters, and other women too if the Lord opens the door.
The pre-conference event was held right at our church and we had about 150 ladies from all over Wyoming, Nebraska and Colorado. The topics ranged from "How to Start a Women's Ministry" to "Heart Friends" to "Involving the Uninvolved". The topic that really struck my heart was one called "Life Changing Bible Study."
That was really the theme of the entire week, at least to me - how a relationship with Jesus Christ, through His Word, really can change your life. I certainly know it has changed my entire worldview, though I would like to see it change more than just my perceptions but also how I live my life: more love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (the fruit of the Spirit) and less pride, selfishness, insecurity, and anger. I know I have a long, long way to go, but this weekend really challenged me that one way God wants to me to grow is to get more involved in encouraging other women and girls to strive toward these goals, too.
Life change all comes down to spending time DAILY with God in His Word and in prayer. Luke 9:23: Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." There is no other way, no other short-cut. Other means of changing, like counseling and therapy and motivational seminars, they will all produce results - but only temporary ones.
The session on Life Changing Bible study focused on James 1:22 "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." The speaker, Martha Lawley, paraphrased it this way: the James 1:22 Deception: when we think it is good enough just to know the Word.
She tied this into 2 Tim 3:6-7: "weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth." It doesn't matter how many Bible studies you've been through (and I've been through many... at least two a year now, for the past 14 years), it doesn't matter how much Scripture you have memorized, or how far you get in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire Bible version (I actually put together a version of that game once!)... unless you DO it.
Here's a famous quote she used that really hit this home: "Einstein's definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result."
Then she pointed to how Jesus taught his disciples: they didn't just go to a study with their Master for an hour, then head home or off fishing again till next week's meeting. They left everything behind and followed him. Learning was intimately connected with doing. Jesus also had to re-teach them the same thing many times.
Of course we can't practically model this method of discipleship, but we can try to share our lives more with each other, be more open and transparent about or own progress or lack of progress, and apply the method of re-teaching. Instead of finishing one Bible study and moving right on to the next one, stay with just one study, or even just one Biblical principle, until you've got it down. Until you see progress in living it out. (Jesus doesn't expect perfection, only progress).
Okay, on to Beth Moore's topic. (Another ridiculously long blog. Good thing I write these things for myself, to reinforce what I've learned... if you've made it this far reading this, I'm impressed).
I had one friend who didn't want to go to Beth Moore's conference because she is boycotting Lifeway, the company that promotes Beth Moore, because Lifeway promotes people instead of God. Another friend wouldn't go because she said she said it was just a pep rally.
Both of them are right: Lifeway does promote people, not God, and the Living Proof Live event was a pep rally! I am glad I have some friends who are more discerning than I am... but, I'm also glad I went. I wondered if it could be any equal to my first live Beth Moore event last May in Colorado Springs, where she taught on Matthew 16:24-28, summed up in 16:25 "If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it." These four verses still make my heart go pitter-patter every time I read them, as a result of the excellent teaching Beth brought to us. This year she picked Psalm 66 to teach on.
I am so thankful that Beth Moore remains completely focused on the Bible. On her website, she states that her ministry, and her passion, is to encourage women to know Christ more through His Word. Her method is a combination of pep rally tactics (including emotional manipulation) but also good, solid Bible teaching, topped off with some serious challenges. I know I needed that encouragement, that teaching, and those challenges. I've read Psalm 66 probably dozens of times, but that's all I've ever done is read it, and its certainly not one of those Psalms that jumps out at you, like say Psalm 23, 27, 34, or 139. However, it will certainly jump out at me from now on! Beth studied it thoroughly and with a heart-felt desire to apply it and teach us how to apply it.
She picked 66:9 as the theme of the Psalm: "He trained us first, passed us like silver through refining fires" (the Message). Then she had eight points on how the Lord trains us/tests us, and the glorious results. I won't go into all eight points she covered, but here are a the three that spoke to me the most:
1) He trains us to praise louder. 66:2 Make His praise glorious!
When we praise the Lord, we show God's worth to others. We show them how splendid He is, how copious, how worthy. Our praise also silences our foes (Psalm 8:2). I wish I could capture just some of the passion and wisdom she shared with this verse. I don't believe any unbelievers who might have been standing in that crowd could have emerged without at least some marveling - if not for God, then for how believers can be so captivated by Him!
2) He trains us to emerge purer. 66:18 If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord will not hear me.
One of the things I love about Beth is how vocal she is for purity, especially sexual purity in a culture where we are saturated with sex, not just in the media but in talk and insinuations where ever you go.
3) He trains us to pass the Word on. 66:16 Come and hear, all who fear God, and I will tell of what He has done for me. She encouraged us to share our story, to tell other people what God has done for us. To mentor younger women. In fact, she had all the women under 30 come down to the center of the arena, and then encouraged all the rest of us older ladies to pour our hearts out and our lives into this younger generation. Before the TV generations, most women knew at most only a few hundred other women to compare themselves against or to look up to. Now, young women are exposed to thousands of other women through the media, they are forced up against a "model" of womanhood that is completely unbiblical, sex-based, and basing our worth as women on looks or professional success or how many men you've had. They desperately need (we all desperately need) strong women of faith and purity to look up to.
I am pretty sure God was trying to teach me two things this weekend from these two events: I want you more with Me, and I want you reaching out more to other women, and that means your own daughters, too.
As you can tell, I'm all fired up. The pep rally really pepped me. Now, do I apply what I learned? It is certainly providence that our mom's Bible study has dedicated the next week for all of us to take turn watching each other's kids so that we can each spend a half-day alone in uninterrupted prayer (my time will be Wednesday morning). Boy do I have a lot to pray about from this weekend, as well as prayer for my family, my church (we've had some issues crop up in another Bible study), our finances, my parents.
As a little challenge to myself, I'm going to start a new blog label "goals of a follower" where I plan to follow up on myself with 1) more time with God and 2) more time mentoring my daughters, and other women too if the Lord opens the door.
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