1000 gifts: cat on your lap edition

I'm loving my calendar this year - challenged myself to fill up every day in January with something fun or interesting that I discovered (like books, movies, quotes, things I'd like to buy on ebay, ha ha) or anything else praise-worthy. I tell you, God loves to rise to a challenge like this: on some days He gives me so much I can hardly fit it in the small spaces (even using short keywords).

169. Lap cats.
I was just complaining recently how our cat, Cleo, has turned out to be a bit of disappointment. I picked her out of the animal shelter litters specifically because she has the loudest purr - and I never hear her purr anymore. She's three years old now but still hasn't coddled up to us (though I can't blame her with four hyper kids running around and my husband who loves to tease her). But she must have overhead me, becaue just last night she hopped up on my lap while I was reading and stayed curled up for at least two hours, even through several interruptions. Dare I hope? I finally have a lap cat again?

Photo cred

170. Uzbekistan plates.

I fell in love with this gorgeous plate (from Uzbekistan! didn't know they were so famous for their ceramic designs! - see gift #189 for more details) and tried to find something similar on E-bay. Didn't find anything there but then found another website selling Uzbek pottery. Found a similar plate for $20.00 - so excited until I checked the shipping - $50.00 more. Oh well, it still looks amazing on my blog.

171. Reclining chairs in motels
Last week I got to travel up to Casper to teach a new two-day Introduction to GIS class to twelve students. I ended up working until 2 am getting the materials ready and my learning objectives and demos, but fortunately I had thought to bring along my new iHome so I could listen to my favorite tunes while working, and also fortunately the motel had a recliner chair - I've never seen a recliner in a motel room before but what a great idea. (It makes working with a laptop so much more comfy!) Also fortunately the class went off really well; with brand new last-minute materials this was a huge relief.

172. Surprise lunches
B. also got sent up to Casper for the day for his job. We were able to have lunch together - a nice surprise.

173. Pink snow.
Driving back from Casper to Laramie, I encountered one of those scary ground blizzards, the kind where the snow blows across the road in sheets so that you can barely see the road ahead of you - and yet the sky is clear above you! For a while it was scary driving. But also beautiful driving, because while the ground had turned pure white, right above it I was treated to a beautiful sunset. The combination resulted in moments of translucent pink snow, almost like a pink fog.

174. Not being afraid to be your real self.
Finished reading Wings, by Aprilynne Pike, so good I couldn't put it down and (shame on me!) actually skipped work on Friday to finish it! (After having already put in 40 hours of work for that class though, I don't think it was unreasonable to take the day off.) It's a young adult "fairy tale" but the fairies are not what you would expect. But what I really loved about it were the three high school teenagers - they weren't afraid to be themselves, which is such a rarity with all the peer pressure in high school. It inspired to post on my writing blog about the spirit of not being afraid to tell the world "this is who I am, this is what I'm passionate about." Here's another great motivational writing post that was a gift this past week: Certainty and Uncertainty

175. Kids making up stories.
Four-year old Serious picked up one of Dreamer's bear books and started "reading it." So cute to listen to her make up the story.

176. Homestretches.
On Saturday I had a great day writing - wrote over 3200 words and am now at 58,200+ words on my historical fantasy novel, heading into the homestretch.

177. The King's Speech
Nicole and I watched the movie "The King's Speech" - can easily see why it has twelve Academy nominations. It was such a richly layered movie too - about much more than overcoming speech imediments. It's about trusting your voice, what you have to say, overcoming prejudice (and the worst sort, the kind that comes from dysfunctional families) and about breaking down class barriers, too. Loved it - especially the pre-coronation scene in Westminster Abbey - that scene is priceless! As is the King's first war-time speech.

178. Grandma's apple dumplings
Sunday night, Mom made us Grandma's apple dumplings as a "going away" gift (she and Dad getting ready to leave for South Carolina).

179. Clementine oranges.
A semi-truck overturned on the interstate and as a result Laramie was deluged with boxes of free Clementine oranges. We got two boxes, and the kids went crazy over them, eating them like candy! They are the most wonderful little fruits - easy to peel and super sweet and it's wonderful to see kids love fruit so much.

180. High lux lamps.
I haven't used my SunBox lamp (high lux lamp designed to prevent Seasonal Affective Disorder) in several years; after I had the twins, I didn't experience any SAD for several years. But then it caught up with me and I had a run with depression last March through May. So to try to prevent it this year, I set up the lamp on my work desk. I forgot how good it feels to get that healthy light on a regular basis. So glad it still works after sitting unused for almost 5 years.

181. Kids telling Bible stories
One of Dreamer's requirements for her Sparkies club was to tell her family a story about a Bible character. She told B. and I a very accurate version of Paul's conversion. She loves telling Bible stories, and I love to hear her tell them.

182. "See you in my dreams".
B. and I have been into submarine movies lately. He found a cheap DVD of "Hunt for Red October", and we both loved seeing that again so much, that I hunted down a used copy of "Crimson Tide" with one of my favorite actors, Denzel Washington. It was even better than I had remembered. And there's this great line: as Denzel says goodbye to his family before boarding the sub, he tells his wife, "See you in my dreams." The next morning, when B. kissed me goodbye before heading off to work, he added "see you in my dreams."

183. Someone else brushing your hair.The twins took turns brushing my hair while I read to them at bed time. Getting your hair brushed is one of the most luxurious feelings, almost as good as a massage.

184. Neighbors visiting.
Wednesday morning I hosted our women's Bible study at my house. One of my neighbors - I didn't even know she went to our church (one of the disadvantages of our church growing in numbers) - asked if she could come and of course I was thrilled that she came!

Photo credit

185. Train stations.
Wednesday afternoon I drove my parents to Denver, to the train station downtown. Dad does not like to fly anymore, so they are taking Amtrak to Savannah, a two day, three night trip via Chicago and D.C. Mom was so excited! We all took a train trip across Canada when I was a little girl (too young for me to remember, unfortunately) but my parents have great memories of it. I have to admit I was a bit envious. After we checked their baggage in, we headed across the street from the train station to an Italian restaurant and had a toast to their trip. I only wish we'd had some extra time to walk around downtown Denver a bit more. I love downtown with all the shops, the beautiful buildings and the little squares.

186. Scripture memory challenges.
Continuing to get great things about of Beth Moore's Breaking Free workbook. Also, I have now memorized my first two sets of verses for Beth Moore's scripture memory challenge.


187. Beth Moore-isms
Speaking of Beth Moore, she comes up with the funniest sayings on her blog. Last week it was "I dare say that we may be a tad cheesy in Siestaville but we try to keep our Velveeta loaded with jalapenos" and this week she quipped "most of my revivals come from survivals".

188. Ribbons on violins.
Blaze has renewed excitement about her violin lessons - the students now get to add brightly colored ribbons to their violins whenever they "pass" a song (play the song and its variations correctly). She got her first ribbon and is practicing "Boil Them Cabbage" and "Twinkle Little Star" like crazy to get her next ribbons.

Photo credit

189. Blue ceramic tiled buildings
During the semester, our department hosts a speaker series along with the Geography department. Some of the talks can be very dry research-related stuff, but yesterday's talk was fascinating! It was about the drying up of the Aral Sea in Uzebekistan. It's been a huge environmental and health disaster, but there are some hopeful signs of recovery. What I really loved was the background about Uzbekistan, a country I've never paid any attention to before. Who knew? - a fascinating country along the ancient silk road. The city of Samarkand (reminds me of another great book I read recently, The Amulet of Samarkand) is in this country and it is the home of the great conqueror Timur (also known as Tamerlane, relative of Ghengis Khan. There is a spooky rumor about Stalin and Timur's grave that's worth googling). Very famous for its blue ceramics in architecture and pottery, couldn't resist sharing another beautiful photo. (I am such a geography geek!)

190. Mark Twain on ambitions.
Another great quote discovered: "Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions...the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." Mark Twain

Lest anyone think that my life is all sunsets and happy moments (especially pertaining to this interesting article about Facebook, churches, and the problem of always presenting a happy face to the world), I must add a few more things that I have a hard time qualifying as gifts: my husband worked over 87 hours last week. We are thankful for his new job and finally some steady income, but whoa! I am failing at my simple goal to lose 5 lbs in January. And much, much more serious: cancer continues to haunt us, not with anyone close, but my cousin just found out her dad has terminal cancer. She writes on Facebook "this is the hardest thing I've ever been through."

Thoughts on "Surprised by Joy"

DJ at the Quiet Quill has started a C.S. Lewis book club, where she picks one of his books each month to discuss.  I've read quite a few of his books, but I want to read all of them because I think Lewis is one of the greatest Christian writers ever.

"Surprised by Joy" is C.S. Lewis' autobiography that chronicles his journey from atheism to Christianity (most his youth). He made a point early on in the book that most autobiographies he'd read himself, he found the childhood and early adult years to be the most interesting part, and when I stopped to think about it I tend to agree.
In the first chapter, I was immediately hooked when Lewis described an experience as a young child that I remember (very similarly) from my own childhood:

It is difficult to find words strong enough for the sensation which came over me; Milton’s enormous bliss of Eden (giving the full, ancient meaning to “enormous”) comes somewhere near it. It was a sensation, of course, of desire, but desire for what? “Oh I desire too much” – and before I knew what I desired, the desire itself was gone, the whole glimpse withdrawn, the world turned commonplace again, or only stirred by a longing for the longing that had just ceased. It had taken only a moment of time, and in a certain sense everything else that ever happened to me was insignificant in comparison.

This is his description of Joy and it is so true: after feeling it – and it only comes briefly - the world turns commonplace again. I can think of at least three instances (when I was 8, then again at 14, then at 16 or 17) where I encountered that stab of Joy so intensely that I wrote about it furiously in my diary. By age 20 or so, I had even come up with my own name for it – “Akina” – just as Lewis came up with a name for it, “the Northernness”, during his boyhood.

He associated it at first with nature, then with literature, at times with music, at other times with art. Yes! Yes! Yes! – I can think of music (Gymnopedie by Erik Satie) and art (several paintings by Maxfield Parrish) and books (many, but in particular the Lord of the Rings) that also gave me that momentary piercing Joy. And one time when I was alone wandering through an autumn forest, full of shadows and light, where the memory is still so vivid it almost gives me goosebumps.

I have been a follower of Jesus since I was 23 years old, and yet until I read “Surprised by Joy” I had not thought to see those moments of joy in my childhood and teenage years as pointers toward God, but this statement by Lewis cinched it for me:

The comparison is of course between something of infinite moment and something very small; like comparison between the Sun and the Sun’s refection in a dewdrop. Indeed, in my view, very like, for I do not think the resemblance between the Christian and the merely imaginative experience is accidental. I think that all things, in their way, reflect heavenly truth, the imagination not least.

Lewis goes on to describe other encounters with Joy, and I love this part where he compares those seeking after that elusive feeling to the women seeking Jesus in his tomb after He has risen:

Only when your whole attention and desire are fixed on something else – whether a distant mountain, or the past, or the gods of Asgard – does the “thrill” arise. It is a by-product. Its very existence presupposes that you desire not it but something other and outer. If by any perverse askesis or the use of any drug it could be produced from within, it would at once be seen to be of no value. For take away the object, and what, after all, would be lift? – a whirl of images, a fluttering sensation, a momentary abstraction. … in my scheme of thought it is not blasphemous to compare the error which I was making with that error which the angle at the tomb rebuked when he said to the women, ‘Why seek ye the living among the dead? He is not here, He is risen.”

His story culminates with this paragraph:

Remember, I had always wanted, above all things, not be “interfered with.” I had wanted (mad wish) “to call my soul my own.” I had been far more anxious to avoid suffering than to achieve delight… in the Trinity Term of 1929 I gave in, and admitted that God was God, and knelt and prayed; perhaps that night the most dejected and reluctant convert in all England. I did not see then what is now the most shining and obvious thing: the Divine humility that will accept a convert even on such terms. The Prodigal son at least walked home on his own feet. But who can duly adore that Love which will open the high gates to a prodigal who is brought in kicking, struggling, resentful, and darting his eyes in every direction for a chance of escape?

In my case, looking back to the years when I had little regard for God, I was more like the brother of the Prodigal son, disdaining his younger sibling who sinned foolishly and then came back home repentant. I thought such people were weak and ignorant. Oh my did I have a lot of pride (well, it’s still a struggle). But a couple years ago I posted my own story of and being humbled and discovering God.

CS Lewis uses the analogy of a chess game between himself and God throughout the book which was very apt, but the bulk of this book is more of an exploration of human character (in many fascinating forms), literature and philosophy than of Christianity. Right up until almost the very end, any discussion religion is mentioned only in a detached sense. Lewis makes many, MANY references to literature - very little with which I am familiar, but he framed all his literary discoveries so well that I want to study more classics now myself (especially George MacDonald).

What thrilled me throughout this book were those "a ha" moments that always accompany reading CS Lewis. No matter what point of life he is describing (and I have absolutely no experience with English boarding schools or World War I trenches) he is somehow able to communicate universal human foibles and frames of mind so perfectly (and so eloquently) that you feel like you could pop by his house and have a chat about life over tea as if you were old friends.

I could list a dozen other parts of this book that I loved and found some connection with to my life, as well. But I'm already notorious for too-long-blog-posts... oh, I can't resist. Here's a link to the long version of my ramblings about Surprised by Joy.

Here are some wonderful posts by book club members on this book: Checkmate and Surprised by Joy and other things as well.

Off to read the next book for the club: "A Grief Observed".

Surprised by Joy, the Long Version

This is the long version of my musings on Surprised by Joy, the autobiograpy of C.S. Lewis' journey into spiritual awakening. I really debated whether to post this long version or not. It is over 2600 words, and my notes are very personal. But then I thought about how I would love to happen on someone else's take on the developments in Lewis's life, especially if they discovered similiar parallels in their own life.  So read this or skim this if you really love going long and deep. Otherwise, if you'd like a summary, please go to my short version.

In the first chapter, Lewis described his first few encounters with Joy, as a child, and when he found it in a children’s book it suddenly reminded me of the children's book that I read where I first encountered the same piercing stab of wonder, and a sort of sadness.

The memory of a memory: As I stood beside a flowering currant bush on a summer day there suddenly arose in me without warning, and as if from a depth not of years but of centuries, the memory of that earlier morning at the Old House when my brother had brought his toy garden into the nursery… It is difficult to find words strong enough for the sensation which came over me; Milton’s enormous bliss of Eden (giving the full, ancient meaning to “enormous”) comes somewhere near it. It was a sensation, of course, of desire, but desire for what? “Oh I desire too much” – and before I knew what I desired, the desire itself was gone, the whole glimpse withdrawn, the world turned commonplace again, or only stirred by a longing for the longing that had just ceased. It had taken only a moment of time, and in a certain sense everything else that ever happened to me was insignificant in comparison.

The second glimpse came through the Squirrel Nutkin; through it only, though I loved all the Beatrix Potter books. But the rest of them were merely entertaining; it administered the shock, it was a trouble. It troubled me with what I can only describe as the Idea of Autumn. It sounds fantastic to say that one can be enamored of a season, but that is something like what happened; and, as before, the experience was one of intense desire. And one went back to the book, not to gratify the desire (that was impossible- how can one possess Autumn?) but to reawaken it. And in the experience also there was the same surprise and the same sense of incalculable importance. It was something quite different from ordinary life and even from ordinary pleasure; something, as they would now say, “in another dimension.”

The third glimpse came through poetry. From Tegner’s Drapa “I was uplifted into huge regions of northern sky. I desired with almost sickening intensity something never to be described (except that it is cold, spacious, severe, pale and remote) and then, as in the other examples, found myself at the very same moment already falling out of that desire and wishing I were back in it."

The quality common to the three experiences is that of an unsatisfied desire which is itself more desirable than any other satisfaction. I call it Joy, which is here a technical term and must be sharply distinguished both from Happiness and from Pleasure. Joy (in my sense) has indeed one characteristic, and one only in common with them; the face that anyone who has experienced it will want I again…. I doubt that anyone who has tasted it would ever, if both were in his power, exchange it for all the pleasures in the world. But then Joy is never in our power and pleasure often is.

He found it in Squirrel Nutkin, and I found it in Felix Salten’s Bambi, which is nothing like the Disney movie, and is full of the bittersweet and many real scenes of suffering that I still remember to this day. I was 8 years old when I read it first and was surprised by how it moved me, then re-read it again many times, no doubt going back to try to find some elusive quality that tantalized me. There was quite a lot of death in that book, and sadness, all mingled with beauty and passion. I still remember the conversation of two leaves just before they fell from their tree into oblivion; his old friend the hare being attacked by a fox; the felling of the great old oak; the way that Bambi moves on after his mother’s death, simply accepting it (how could he?? my heart cried out!); the foolish vanity of one of Bambi’s friends who dies (in a rather gruesome description for a children’s book) at the hands of man, and finally the death of a man himself, and Bambi’s father explaining that there was one even greater than man. He never mentions God, but I wondered if that was what he was referring to. What else?

In Chapter 4, “I Broaden My Mind” – Lewis describes another occurrence that mirrored my own.

But the impression I got was that religion in general, though utterly false, was a natural growth, a kind of endemic nonsense into which humanity tended to blunder. In the midst of a thousand such religions stood our own, the thousand and first, labeled True. But on what grounds could I believe in this exception? It obviously was in some general sense the same kind of thing as all the rest. Why was it so differently treated? Need I, at any rate, continue to treat it differently? I was very anxious not to.

I remember feeling the same way at some point during my high school years. Why should Christianity stand out as the one truth faith among all the other religions? And as a young aspiring scientist, how could I believe in it, when it provided no truth and only a history of violence both to outsiders and dissension, often bloody, within its own ranks.

Then in Chapter 5 Lewis describes his “renaissance” –when he rediscovers Joy again during his boyhood at boarding school.

The authentic “Joy” had vanished from my life: so completely that not even the memory or the desire of it remained….Joy is distinct not only from pleasure in general but even from aesthetic pleasure. It must have the stab, the pan, the inconsolable longing. This long winter broke up in a single moment. Spring is the inevitable image, but this was not gradual like Nature’s springs. It was if the Arctic itself, all the deep layers of secular ice, should change not in a week nor in an hour, instantly, into a landscape of grass and primroses and orchards in bloom, defined with bird songs and astir with running water. I can lay my hand on the very moment; there is hardly any fact I know so well, though I cannot date it…. My eye fell upon a headline and a picture, carelessly, expecting nothing. A moment later, as the poet says, “The sky had turned round.”

What I had read was the words Siegfried and the Twilight of the Gods. What I had seen was one of Arthur Rackham’s illustrations to that volume….. Pure “Northerness” engulfed me, a vision of huge, clear spaces hanging above the Atlantic in the endless twilight of Northern summer, remoteness, severity… and almost at the same moment I knew that I had met this before, long, long ago… and with that plunge back into my own past there arose at once, almost like heartbreak, the memory of Joy itself, the knowledge that I had once had what I had now lacked for years, that I was returning at last from exile and desert lands to my own country; and the distance of the Twilight of the Gods and the distance of my own past Joy, both unattainable, flowed together into a single, unendurable sense of desire and loss… at once I knew (with fatal knowledge) that to “have it again” was the supreme and only important object of desire.

I remember being fascinated with my mother’s copy of Rackham’s illustrations from Wagner’s Ring, especially the one where Brunehilde rides her horse into the fire. But I don’t think the beginning of my Renaissance began until, after several false starts trying to read the Lord of the Rings and failing (it’s not like the Hobbit at all after the first couple chapters!) I finally got into the story at age 14 and was swept away by it. For the next year, every single entry in my journals made some sort of reference to the Lord of the Rings. It grabbed hold me and shook my very soul to the core though I could not exactly say why, but the way Lewis describes his “Northerness” rings true to how I remember feeling.

In Chapter 6, “Check”, Lewis goes on to describe Joy in more detail, and I love how he compares those seeking after that elusive feeling to the women seeking Jesus in his tomb after He has risen.

Only when your whole attention and desire are fixed on something else – whether a distant mountain, or the past, or the gods of Asgard – does the “thrill” arise. It is a by-product. Its very existence presupposes that you desire not it but something other and outer. If by any perverse askesis or the use of any drug it could be produced from within, it would at once be seen to be of no value. For take away the object, and what, after all, would be lift? – a whirl of images, a fluttering sensation, a momentary abstraction. … in my scheme of thought it is not blasphemous to compare the error which I was making with that error which the angle at the tomb rebuked when he said to the women, ‘Why seek ye the living among the dead? He is not here, He is risen.”

This just might be my favorite part of "Surprised by Joy" - the poetry and wisdom of Lewis captured in sweet conciseness:

The comparison is of course between something of infinite moment and something very small; like comparison between the Sun and the Sun’s refection in a dewdrop. Indeed, in my view, very like, for I do not think the resemblance between the Christian and the merely imaginative experience is accidental. I think that all things, in their way, reflect heavenly truth, the imagination not least.

And finally, in Chapter 10, “Checkmate”, the culmination. Like Lewis, I did not like being “interfered” with and I wanted to call my soul my own. I was burdened with a belief in my own goodness and strength and when my world collapsed and I realized how little control I had, I also started to realize how much selfishness and meanness I harbored inside. I had been like the brother to the Prodigal son, disdaining the poor fools who sinned and then came crawling back home repentant. When I read the question “Can we be good without God?” in an article, I continued reading with the intent to debunk such foolishness, and finished it humbled and awed. Like Lewis writes – it was not a decision. It was like awakening from a long slumber. It was like being blind, and then suddenly seeing.

For the first time I examined myself with a seriously practical purpose. And there I found what appalled me; a zoo of lusts, a bedlam of ambitions, a nursery of fears, a harem of fondled hatreds. My name was legion.

I was to be allowed to play at philosophy no longer. It might, as I say, still be true that “spirit” differed in some way from “the God of popular religion.” My Adversary waived the point. It sank into utter unimportance. He would not argue about it. He only said, “I am the Lord; I am that I am; I am.”

Remember, I had always wanted, above all things, not be “interfered with.” I had wanted (mad wish) “to call my soul my own.” I had been far more anxious to avoid suffering than to achieve delight… in the Trinity Term of 1929 I gave in, and admitted that God was God, and knelt and prayed; perhaps that night the most dejected and reluctant convert in all England. I did not see then what is now the most shining and obvious thing: the Divine humility that will accept a convert even on such terms. The Prodigal son at least walked home on his own feet. But who can duly adore that Love which will open the high gates to a prodigal who is brought in kicking, struggling, resentful, and darting his eyes in every direction for a chance of escape? The words compelle intrare, compel them to come in… properly understood they plumb of the Divine mercy. The hardness of God is kinder than the softness of men, and His compulsion is our liberation.

At one point I disagree (strongly) with Lewis, but at least it is not a major point!

If Theism had done nothing else for me, it had cured me of the time-wasting and foolish practice of keeping a diary.

I love reading my journal entries during the years when God was drawing me, and the first few years after I became a believer when I was learning the Bible and the principle of dying to self (still working on the application part of that). After that, my journaling did change and I find less interest going back and re-reading it, except in those instances when I was whining about something and now I can look back and see how God answered all my whining and worrying – it is a continual testimony to His provision.

In the very last chapter, Lewis brings up his theory about how other religions provide hints or prophecies of the truth which we see finally fulfilled through Jesus. I’m not 100 percent sure about this, but it is an intriguing idea.

The question was no longer to find the one simply true religion among a thousand religions simply false. It was rather, where has religion reached its maturity? Where, if anywhere, have the hints of all Paganism been fulfilled? … Paganism had been only the childhood of religion, or only a prophetic dream. Where as the thing full grown? Or where was the awakening?

If ever a myth had become fact, had been incarnated, it would be just like this. And nothing else in all literature was just like this. Myths were like it in one way. Histories like it in another. But nothing was simply like it. Ad no person was like the Person it depicted; as real, as recognizable, through all that depth of time… yet also numinous, lit by a light from beyond the world, a god. But if a god – we are no longer polytheist – then not a god, but God. Here and here only in all time the myth must have become fact; the Word, flesh; God, man. This is not a “religion” nor a “philosophy”. It is the summing up and actuality of them all.

The ending surprised me, the way Lewis almost seems to discount Joy as no longer of “much importance.” But his analogy here is very apt: 

But what, in conclusion, of joy? …the old stab, the bittersweet, has come to me as often and as sharply since my conversion as at any time of my life whatever. But I now know that the experience… was only valuable as a pointer to something other and outer…. When we are lost in the woods the sight of a signpost is a great matter. He who first sees it cries, “Look!” the whole party gathers around and stares. But when we have found the road and we are passing signposts every few miles, we shall not stop and stare. They will encourage us and we shall be grateful to the authority that set them up. But we shall not stop and stare, or not much; not on this road, though their pillars are of silver and their lettering of gold. “We would be at Jerusalem.”

I love the very last sentence of Lewis' autobiography. It completely grounds him.

Not, of course, that I don’t often catch myself stopping to stare at roadside objects of even less importance.

1000 gifts: more random smiles

This past week I wondered if I could remember one fun or happy thing to be thankful for each day and write it on my calendar. I'd like to keep doing this, it's wonderful to see my calendar fill up with praises.

157. Kids cleaning the house on their own without me asking
Four year old Annie makes her bed and is so proud of herself she drags me up to her bedroom so I can see. And if this proud mama may so, she does a darn good job of it. Last week, Blaze got into cleaning mode and did the the dishes for me and mopped the kitchen floor. This week she did laundry and cleaned her room, and not only made her bed, but Dreamer's too! Then Dreamer got in on it and helped with dishes, mopped the bathroom floor, and washed the lower parts of the windows that get the most abuse from doggie noses and hand prints. I sure hope this wonderful trend continues!

158. Walking out of the kitchen when you're not hungry
I wish I could say that my short-term goal to lose five pounds in January was going as well as my kids' cleaning, but it's a huge struggle. I have a couple good days, a couple bad days. But I'm focusing on the good days. One night I got home from work really hungry and made myself a burrito. After eating that, I still felt hungry, so I started to microwave some leftover pasta. While the microwave was purring away, I got that little Holy Spirit prick: "hey, didn't you pray to Me earlier today about not overeating?" It was a struggle, but I managed to walk out of the kitchen. After just a few minutes I didn't feel hungry anymore and I was able to put the pasta back in the fridge! Yay! Just need to keep that victory in mind and keep striving.

159. When your kids talk about Jesus
Driving the twins to preschool one day, they started talking about Jesus, and how He died on the cross. I think this is first time I've heard them talking about Jesus without some sort of prompting from me or their dad or sisters.

160. Important truths about cancer.
B. and I went to Stars' granny's memorial here in Laramie. It is possible to be saddened by the death of a friend, and yet be full of praise to know she is in heaven. Beside her picture, her family had also placed a plaque that read:

"Cancer is so limited.
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot suppress memories.
It cannot invade the soul.
It cannot steal eternal life.
It cannot conquer the spirit."

161. Realizing how time is different to God
B. and I watched the movie "Inception" this weekend, a science fiction film about thieves who can get into other people's dreams and steal vital information from people's minds. This was a crazy complicated film, with dreams within dreams and slowing down time. After watching it B. and I must have talked for at least an hour about all the intricacies of the movie and the implications of time slowing down during our dreams - you know how you can be sleeping for just a few minutes, and yet wake from a dream that seemed to last for hours. Well, the theory in the movie was that if time slows down in a dream, then it would slow down even further in a dream within a dream. B. said something really interesting about it: it made him think of how time is so different to us than to God. And that Satan tries to trick humanity with lies like "the Bible and its prophecies can't be true or won't ever come to pass because it's been thousands of years now" - but that's from our poor human perspective of time, isn't it? Great food for thought!

162. Winning small things, like a book
Speaking of science fiction, I won a signed copy of a new book, "Across the Universe" by Beth Revis that was just released. I've been looking forward to this book since I read the first chapter a couple months ago. I entered a couple on-line blog contests to win a copy, but to win a signed copy was an extra special treat. Now I just have to be patient until it shows up....

163. Surprised by Joy
But while waiting for my new book, I've been enjoying lots of other books. While reading "Surprised by Joy" by CS Lewis I had many "a ha" moments and "oh yes, I know exactly what he means!" I finished it and now I'm going back through taking notes. I'll be posting about it soon.

164. Hearing from God after 400 years of silence.
At church on Sunday we had a visiting Bible teacher, Doug Bookman. He visits our church at least once and every year and I love his teaching! He always has so many fascinating facts about the history or geography or culture of Biblical times that enrich the study of scripture. This time he taught about John the Baptist and his father, Zacharias the priest, and some of the old testament prophecies concerned John - for the first time I really understood the excitement of the Jewish people to finally hear from a prophet of God after four hundred years of silence!

165. Clay made of light
Beautiful sunset on Sunday night - the clouds looks like clay swirling around on a potter's wheel, if you can imagine clay made of light.

166. Long distance friends who keep in touch.
Called an old friend and had a lovely long chat and shared prayer requests. Sarah was huge influence in my early Christian days and taught me perhaps more than anyone else to love the Bible. Her husband is in the Army, so they move a lot, but somehow she always come back into my life, even if just for a short while.

167. "I have a dream"
No school/work on Monday because of Martin Luther King day. I love MLK day and references to "I Have a Dream." Nicole also invited me over to her house for a cup of tea and a lovely time chatting about the novels we are working on right now, discussing characters and plot structure and magical devices. Pure delight.

168. Analyzing plot structure is fun
Speaking of my novel, my actual writing progress slowed down this week (last week I wrote over 3000 words, this week just barely over 1000). But I did have some really good plot ideas that I think will help the story along tremendously, and I'm at the right spot in my writing now to implement them. I found a wonderful series on the plot structure of the movie "How to Train Your Dragon" that gave me these ideas.

1000 gifts: New Years 2011 edition

I thought it would be fun to pick a "theme" for the past year and the new year. A few words that sum up 2010 and what I am hoping for in 2011. The first words that occurred to me for 2010's theme was "Limping Along." Afraid it's true, it wasn't the best year for me, spiritually or in other ways, either. But though limping sounds pretty sad, the positive part is that I was still moving along - e.g moving forward. It was slow progress and not pretty, but God definitely grew my faith (and patience) last year through lots of trials.

But now the Lord is piling on the blessings! My first week of the New Year was packed with so many blessings that I am reeling. In fact, there's been so many blessings in the past couple weeks since B. started his new job (the first of the amazing blessings) that I almost want to tell God to slow down and spread it out a little! But He knows the best timing, and it really has been a thrill and wonder to see Him pile it on the last week. (See below for my list of gifts so far in January).

So, now for this year's theme - I'm striving toward "Consistency and Better Focus". I am NOT making New Year's resolutions though! I failed miserably at them last year. New Year's resolutions seem to imply an entire year. I have a new plan - I'm making short term goals (to help stay focused). And all the talk I've heard so far this year is about setting "measurable" goals. A goal such as "consistency and better focus" isn't measureable, so I've been trying to think of some short-term measures to see if they will help me keep focus, and become more consistent in three areas: my spiritual life, my physical life (health) and my personal life.

Spiritually - this past year my time with God was very erratic. I'd have a wonderful, close week, then go a month or more with only occasional prayers or time in the Word. A short-term measurable goal to help increase consistency and focus: record my "7 days" for the Lord (Psalm 119:164) on my calendar each day for the month of January and strive to reach an average of 4.5. (Which means I have some serious work to do, because so far I've been writing down mostly 3's and 4's, and I haven't yet hit a full 7 day). As corny as it may sound to average my time with God like that - if it motivates me, I'll try it!

Physically: I gained ten pounds in 2010 (I was warned this would happen when I hit forty, ouch!) and my weight is unhealthy. My plan here is to not lose focus for more than a week. See, I usually do really well with losing weight for four to five weeks, and then I lose my focus and gain the weight right back. So I recognize that I'm going to have times when I lose focus, but hopefully limit those time to no more than a week and then GET BACK ON TRACK. To help with this, I'll be tracking exercise and weight loss on my calendar too. Short-term goal: lose five pounds by the end of January.

Personally: finish my third book by March 1st (add 25k words to the 50k I wrote in November, that should get me there. It averages out to about 3000 words a week). This is a two-month goal, but it's still short term and measurable.

Personally also relates to my family. What I'd like more than anything with my family is to not get impatient and grumpy and snappy with my kids. I feel like everytime I snap at them, I've just negated all my efforts to teach them spiritual truths and how Jesus wants us to be kind and loving to each other. (though it does underline the lesson that we need Jesus' help to grow us in lovingkindness). How in the world do I make that desire into a "measureable" goal? I'm still brainstorming this, so for now my goal is simply to keep working on my temper (hopefully better consistency in my time with God will help) and try to come up with a measurable plan sometime during January.

Such a relief making short-term goals instead of the weighty burden of New Year's resolutions!

Again, these aren't resolutions, but I am participating in Beth Moore's scripture memorization challenge again this year (my first verses: Psalm 119:35-37). And I'm also planning on participating in the C.S. Lewis book club at one of my favorite blogs, the Quiet Quill. I'm reading Surprised by Joy right now (loving it!), and hopefully I'll also be able to read A Grief Observed in January so I can participate with the other CS Lewis bloggers on February 1st when they discuss it.

I got a comment on my last post (1000 gifts Christmas edition) that it was "wonderful but exhausting to read." I hadn't been posting regularly, so I'd saved up this huge long list of blessings. I know blog posts are supposed to be kept short, to make it easier on readers. I mostly blog for myself, I find it more motivational than just journaling, and it's a great way to keep a record of what's going on, like a digital scrapbook, and to see how the Lord is working in my life.

But recognizing that I do have people who occasionally stop by to see what I'm up to, please don't feel like you have to read all of the blessings I put on my 1000 gifts list. They are all personal, and some of them might not even be very relatable. But I love keeping this list. Nothing brings praises to my lips more than looking back over these lists and remembering how the Lord has blessed me.

138. Apologies.
Last Monday, my first day back at work, B. calls me with amazing news: someone who had been very angry with him (almost to the point of a lawsuit) called him and apologized. It's too private to share details, but this particular relationship has been the focus of most of my prayer requests this fall, and indeed many many prayer requests throughout my marriage. So this is huge. HUGE.

139. Engagement announcement
My best friend from highs chool called with great news that she is engaged, and she wants me to be in her wedding in May!

140. When your kids say "I want my mommy back"
There was a little grumbling from my girls about having to start school again. My mom told me that when she picked the twins up from their preschool Monday afternoon, Serious told her "I want my mommy back." Oh, my little sweetheart!

141. A gift of flowers, for no particular reason.
B. gave them to me.

142. The real reason why we get knots and tangles in our hair.
Dreamer says while brushing her hair: "knots must be for all the bad things you do"

143. A note from a friend to remind you your friendship means a lot.
K.A. sent me a horse calendar (a belated Christmas gift, very appreciated because I always love to receive calendars for Christmas, but I usually don't get any). But the best part was the note she'd written me: "more important than a silly calendar is the gift of our friendship. It is one of the very few things I can predict and rely on."

144. Children debating about whose birthday comes next.
Starlet was wondering when her birthday would come again, which started a discussion among the girls about whose birthday was next in the family. I said, "my birthday is next." Grace looked at me in surprise and exclaimed, "Moms don't have birthdays!" (Probably she thinks that, because I refuse to have anyone put candles on my cake anymore to blow out)

145. The real reason why the sun stays warm.
B. makes a comment that gets a real belly laugh out of me. It's not entirely appropriate to post... but I can't resist. "It's people like me that make the sun stay warm. If I keep it up, we might have an early spring!" (try to guess the context of this; I'll give you a hint "greenhouse g _ _ _ _ s". Grin)

146. Accountability partners.
At church this Sunday, a good friend of B's asked if B would be willing to meet with him weekly as an accountability partner. Wow!

147. Being forgiven a large debt.
This is too sensitive to give details about, but it has to do with B.'s business, J.H., and a debt forgiven. Another HUGE blessing - one of those that made me shake my head with wonder at how the Lord has started out this new year for us.

148. Discovering a place where you can always find delight.
Beth Moore is hosting a scripture memory challenge again for 2011. My first verse to memorize: Psalm 119:35-37: "Direct me in path of your commands, for there I find delight. Turn my heart toward your decrees, and away from selfish gain. Keep my eyes from worthless things."

149. Creativity and a great quote
An old college friend, Lora, shared this great quote on Facebook: "Creativity arises out of the tension between spontaneity and limitations. The latter (like the river banks) forcing the spontaneity into the various forms which are essential to the work of art." – Lou Dorsmany

150. CS Lewis on God's best for us is painful
Another friend, Donna, posted this thoughtful C.S. Lewis quote on Facebook, too. "We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." C.S. Lewis

151. CS Lewis on education and values
And yet another C.S. Lewis quote posted on Facebook. I hope I keep discovering more wonderful quotes all my life long: "Education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil." C.S. Lewis

152. Quote collections
N.L. shared some wonderful quotes, too. She even brought her quote collection over to my house last week and we had a wonderful time pouring over quotes while sipping cups of tea by the fireplace. "It is so much easier to do something than to trust in God; we mistake panic for inspiration. That is why there are so few fellow workers with God and so many workers for Him." ~ Oswald Chambers

153. Seeing your childrens' different strengths.
Today the ladies at the twins' preschool informed me that Serious was being promoted from the Butterfly class to the Froggie class, beause she has been so good about listening to directions and does such a good job on her worksheets. (Curious to see how Serious and Starlet fare in different classes now without each other). I have noticed some special things about Serious recently. She doesn't learn things visually as quickly as Starlet does (for instance, it took her longer to learn her colors, and Starlet is picking up on the alphabet faster). However, the area where Serious excels is in is with her hands. Starlet still scribbles in her coloring books: Serious colors carefully in the lines, and writes her letters beautifully with a remarkably steady hand. She also stays on task much longer and with more focus than Starlet. So neat to see their different strengths!

154. Seeing your childrens' different ways of expression
I love the differences in the way the twins move and express themselves, too. Starlet is all about flourishes and coy smiles; and she has a particular way of running, where she sticks her chest out, and keeps her hand down at her sides. Serious is still famous for wearing her serious expression (even when she's being playful) and she has a particular way of walking - sometimes she stumps along in what I call her "gentle giant" walk.

155. CS Lewis Book Club
The CS Lewis bookclub at the Quiet Quill blog. Oh, I am so excited! The plan is to read a new book each month and discuss it. CS Lewis remains my absolute most favorite Christian author. I've read many of his books and essays, but I still have a lot of undiscovered treasures ahead of me. I'm sure I'll get to revisit some of my old favorites of his too, and looking forward to reading other people's insights about his books.

156. My family's life and health.
After the heart-breaking deaths in Tucson this weekend, I am especially thankful for my 9 year old daughter Blaze. I am praying for the parents of Christina, the 9 year old girl that lost her life in the shooting, families of the other victims and recovery of those still in the hospital.