1000 gifts: fall colors to the max

Continuing my list of gifts, blessings that I write down to remember all the wonderful things that God gives me along life's journey (from Ann Voskamp's book and her blog, A Holy Experience).

349. The San Juan mountains at peak color

Every year I try to take the family on a fall-color drive (this tradition actually began with my friend Karen, when we were both still single. We still talk about the great memories - and she made me a scrapbook of our travels). This year we traveled to Ridgway, Colorado and then took some dirt national forest roads back into the most amazing scenery. I think Mt. Sneffels and its adjoining mountains rival the Grand Tetons for awesome beauty. The next picture is from the wonderful website Colorado Fall Color Drives which also has specifics on how to get there and many other beautiful places.

Ridgway is in a giant valley with three different ranges surrounding it. It is now officially my #1 place to move to if I ever had to move. Just north of Ridgway, we took the Owl Creek Pass forest road up to Silver Jack Reservoir (beautiful, striking rock formations). The girls had fun hiking along forest streams and picnicking and graciously posed for me in front of beautiful views again and again and again - I couldn't stop taking pictures! 

350. Engagements
A dear friend of mine, Nicole, just got engaged! Her fiance is a very close friend of my husband's - at first it was kind of odd seeing them together, but there really some advantages "to opposites attract." From a Christian perspective, having someone with strengths in different areas than your own is an opportunity to grow and gain new perspectives. (It's caused some painful struggles between B. and I, being so different, but in the end I know it's made us better people).

351. Wisdom gained from literature 
Former Soviet premier Mikhail Gorbachev and Nobel Peace recipient spoke on our campus. When asked who was the most influential person to him, he said - literature. Shared many other insights and interesting opinions. A great man! He also endeared himself to us Wyomingites by donning a cowboy hat at the end.

352. Wisdom about the wind
The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails." - William Arthur Ward (esp. true for those of us in windy Wyoming)

353. Scripture memory wars
I was delighted to find out Stars' boyfriend, Garrid, has many Bible verses memorized - one night he heard my daughter Blaze practicing her verses for AWANA, and they got into a scripture memory "war" (a friendly war) quoting verses at each other.

354. Visuals of fantasy worlds
I have always been a big fan of science fiction and fantasy and the movie Thor was right up my alley (esp. since it really is a blend of science fiction and fantasy). These images of Asgard and the rainbow bridge really caught my fancy.


Here's a picture of the rainbow bridge of Asgard, famous in mythology but fascinating how it is turned into a science fiction device in this movie. Director Kenneth Branagh said "An image that was absolutely central to me wanting to do this film was to have six warriors ride on horses across the rainbow bridge in the middle of space. Seemed to me weirdest, weirdest, most brilliant, thrilling image."

 Branagh said to design the Rainbow Bridge they researched everything from "discothèque floors" to Star Wars to the "chemical makeup of quartz."

The character Loki also appealed to me. He's the villain of the movie, but one you can relate to - abandoned by his people, overshadowed by his bigger and more popular brother - plus the actor, Tom Hiddleston, did a really impressive job making him both likable and hate-able.

355.  My daughter talking about God
My father always "shuts down" whenever I try to bring up my beliefs or the Bible into our conversations. But my seven year old daughter, Dreamer, can get away with it: she doesn't realize that Grandpa has "shut down" so she just babbles on about how she loves Jesus and how you have to believe in God and that "it's about relationship."  B. and I fervently hope her innocent delight in sharing her beliefs will win him over in the end (or rather, God will use her to win him over).

1000 gifts: to fully appreciate beauty, share it

Continuing my list of gifts, blessings that I write down to remember all the wonderful things that God gives me along life's journey (from Ann Voskamp's book and her blog, A Holy Experience).

349. Seeing beauty, squared (or even quadrupled)
I discovered some beautiful new places - surprisingly near home - in September. But almost as wonderful as discovering these places, is being with my family while discovering them. Being able to gasp "Oh, look at that view!" and have someone else smile in return, and even better, having them point out something I might not have seen on my own.  

350. The view from the other side of the mountain
So here's one of those beautiful places I discovered with B., my mom and my daughter Blaze on a trail ride. Sheep Mountain is about 40 minutes away and I've been there lots of times, but never on this particular path.The beautiful views made my heart vibrate with happiness. I am never happier than with my family and my horses (and my God) in a beautiful place.  (the photo is of Blaze showing off sitting backwards in the saddle).

351. My unstoppable mother
She wouldn't be happy about me sharing her age, but I'm still going to brag. In her mid 70's, my mother still rides horses, skis downhill, rollerblades, rides a bike almost everyday, and takes dancing and yoga classes! She is an inspiration to me. Here she is with my daughter Blaze on our trailride.


352. Picking up a very special delivery
My stepdaughter Stars decided to live with us this year, and that meant figuring out how to get her horse here from 1400 miles away in Moses Lake, Washington. There are companies that ship horses all around the states, and they were able to deliver Roy to Cheyenne, about 50 minutes away from us in Laramie. Stars was so excited it's all she could talk about! Actually, we were all pretty excited and waiting eagerly for that phone call from the company telling us that he'd arrived.  Everything went smoothly, even unloading the horse from the specially-oufitted semi-truck-trailer. 


353. Fancy photography with old props
Stars' friend Chesca is really good at photography - she took a bunch of photos of Stars to add to her portfolio. Stars looks stunning and I loved the props and settings they used. You can't see it in this picture, but the old wooden chair Stars is sitting in is in the shallow water of the Laramie River, swirling around her feet. 

354. Riding bareback
Blaze loves riding our horses bareback, and she's getting really good at it, too. Whenever I see her loping around on my old horse Rebel, it reminds me of when I first got Rebel and taught myself how to ride like an Indian. 

355. Riding in the dark
In addition to riding bareback, another thrill is riding in the dark, having to trust your horse (they have much better night vision). B. and I went a trail ride just the two of us, and he talked me into taking a new trail off the Happy Jack trail that we love to ride in the fall because of all the yellow aspens along the trail. The new trail (Devil's Crotch! - what a name!) had some amazing views - along with a beautiful sunset, but it was longer than we bargained for and meant we ended up racing to get back to the horse trailer before dark. Galloping through a twilight forest with low-hanging branches was a scary thrill! 


356. Organizing a community mapping party
Maps are a great love of mine, with my background as a geographer and the analysis work I do with Geographic Information Systems (GIS). So when my boss asked for someone in our office to volunteer to help organize our first annual Laramie Mapping Party, I raised my hand (not without some nervous "what am I getting myself into" thoughts.) It was a lot of work, but we ended up with about 50 volunteers and a great experience. Our event even made the local newspaper.

357. Jokes that writers like
An author and a brain surgeon went golfing one spring day and the brain surgeon said, "I'm taking a six weeks off this summer to write a book!"
The author stared at his friend and said, "That's a stunning coincidence. I'm taking six weeks off this summer to become a brain surgeon."

358. Opposing ideas
"The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function."
Nicole shared this quote with me, and it made me think about how the Bible sometimes seems to contradict itself. The concept of free will and predestination are two ideas very opposed to each other, yet both are supported by the Bible. Some will say it means the Bible is untrustworthy and contradictory, but I think it's an instance of how God's ways are above our ways, His understanding beyond our understanding. These opposing ideas are divine paradoxes to me, part of the mystery and beauty of God. 

Horses in our family over the years

My daughter Dreamer (her screen name) had to do a class project for 2nd grade about family traditions. She wanted to do horses since our family owns a lot of horses and we are always riding. But I told her that horses go way back in our family, too. So together we looked through photos and talked with her dad and grandparents to put together some details about our family's history with horses.

About 1937: a picture of her Grandma's (my mother's) horse, a paint pony called Bill. She grew up on a farm and Bill was a plow horse but also fun to ride (though he could be very tricky - would scrape you off under trees if you weren't paying attention).  My mother is the baby in this picture  (with her Grandma) and her cousin is riding Bill. Mom remembers riding Bill all her years growing up - he lived to be a very old horse.

Her grandpa (my father) grew up in a big city (Buffalo, NY), but lived near a city stable where rich people kept their horses. He used to make deliveries there and later when I got into my horse-crazy stage, he took me to see the Saddle and Bridle club. We found out I could get riding lessons there and I ended up riding there from age 10 to 17. This is a picture of my dad riding my cousin Donna's horse. 

Her other Grandpa (B's father) grew up in a small town in Nebraska. This is his horse Rip. 

Her other Grandma (B's mom)  grew up helping her father train horses on a ranch in Nebraska near Ogallala.  Grandpa saw her for the first time riding a horse through town and said “that’s the girl for me.”

Her Grandma's father supposedly won at the Cheyenne Frontier Days Rodeo, and her grandfather (mother's father) supposedly once rode (or tried to ride) the famous bucking horse, Steamboat, who was popular at the Cheyenne and Laramie rodeos in the early 1900's. (Steamboat is often cited as the source of the bucking horse and rider that is the symbol of Wyoming).

B.'s family also had horses when he was growing up, he and his dad would take them hunting up in the mountains. Starting his senior year in high school, he rode bareback broncs in rodeos all around the west until he was about 24. Now he does team roping.  

 I took riding lessons for years but didn't get my own horse (Rebel) until I was 22. I loved to jump but I never got brave enough to jump over 3 1/2 feet (that's what I'm jumping here in this picture on Ginger, a horse I leased). Before I met B., I showed in jumping, dressage and eventing. Now my favorite thing is trail riding in the mountains and teaching my daughters the skills I learned.

Here are the five girls with our five horses:  Stars on Folly, Blaze on Spring, Dreamer on Ally, Serious on Rebel and Starlet on Jewel.

When God helps you see something in a new light

 As I've mentioned quite a few times on this blog so far this year, I've been struggling with seasonal sort of depression, probably seasonal affective disorder -- except this year was much worse than last year. 

When the depression was still hanging on into July, I went to go see a doctor and got a prescription for an anti-depressent. I took it for three weeks, but it made my heart race, especially at night when I was trying to sleep, so I stopped taking it. I hadn't noticed any change as far the depression though I knew it might take a while. 

I kept praying, God: show me what to do. Go back to the doctor for a different prescription? Or maybe look into herbs or some other naturopathy?

He started answering me, maybe I didn't hear it at first, but then His answers suddenly became obvious and then I started to see connections. Four of them, actually. (You don't have to read them, they are kind of long, skip to the end for the GOOD NEWS!)

1) I reached the end of Beth Moore's Breaking Free Bible study, where after pages and pages it finally sunk in: the truth will set you free, but the other part of the equation is tearing down the lies (2 Cor 10:4-5 - demolishing strongholds and taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.) I took a long thoughtful look at some things I've been doing that might be lies, and contributing to strongholds, such as depression. One I've known about for a long time is insecurity, but I realized there was another one that had been sneaking in under the radar: escapism.

When things get stressful, I react by escaping - not dealing with things. Sticking my nose in a book instead. But it turns into a vicious cycle: escapism ultimately leads to more stress, and certainly contributes to depression.

So how do you overcome lies that lead to strongholds? After you tear down the lie, you have to put up the truth - Beth calls it "re-wallpapering". I'm on the lookout for a verse to counter my temptation to escape. In the meantime, I've  found Habbukuk 3:17-19 to be a great encouragement.

"Even though the fig tree should not blossom and there be no fruit on the vine" (e.g. depression, lack of productivity)  "I will exult in the Lord, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation. The Lord God is my strength, he has made my feet like hind's feet and  made me to walk in my high places" (high places = opposite of low places, or depression).

2) also in that study Beth warns that  if you get serious about tearing down the lies and putting up the truth, the enemy is going to redouble his attack.  That sure is what happened right after I started trying to fight the lies. Huge fight with B. More stress at work. More temptation to escape. But this time I realized that this was a counter-attack and that made it easier to deal with.

3) This one is a bit complicated. I realized I've been depressed since February, which is also when I got back into writing - finishing my historical fantasy which involves magical creatures (see, I love fantasy). I put a twist on the genie in the lamp idea - what if you had two genies trapped together in a lamp, who were mortal enemies? So instead of getting three wishes, you end up with just a bunch of trouble?  Great idea - but there was a hidden problem I didn't realize at first.

One of these "genies" (I was calling them spirits) was good, the other evil, which translated into an angel and a demon because of my Christian worldview. So by April I had reached the point in my story where the demon was playing a large role in the story, but every time I opened my document up to write, something just didn't "feel right" and I couldn't make any progress, so I chalked it up to maybe I needed more research, or maybe I was just too depressed, or stressed because I've been behind at work.

But after the two revelations above, I realized that I was stalling out because I couldn't write the demon parts (God's protection, perhaps?) The parts of that book I enjoyed writing the most were the human relationship parts  and the historical tie-ins, not to the fantasy elements! A word of caution to other Christian writers - beware writing about demons. Do we really have the authority (and strength) to do so? Even C.S. Lewis said he could never write a sequel to the Screwtape Letters; it was too hard writing from a demon's point of view.

4)  okay, this one is kind of corny, but B. rented Nicolas Cage's "Season of the Witch" one night. I should have just walked away from that train wreck after the first five minutes but I didn't. It's an awful movie, all about witches and demons and it made me feel nauseous that I ever wanted to write about such ugliness, even if my intention was to show the ugliness. So Cage and his buddy defeat the witch/demon by reading some obscure latin "book of Solomon." We know that demons are defeated by the power of God through Jesus alone, not through any Latin mumbo-jumbo.

My book never mentions the name of Jesus, either (because I intended it to be allegorical to reach a broader audience, rather than just a Christian audience). But it hit me that I'm writing basically the same thing as that awful movie. Now I could definitely make it a book for a Christian audience, using the name of Jesus, but I don't think I'm strong enough right now to write about that sort of spiritual warfare. Maybe someday when I've become enough Spirit-yielded to demolish my own strongholds. But then again if C.S. Lewis could barely muster the strength to do it...

The remarkable thing was that instead of feeling sad about all that work I put into my book, and that "great idea" I thought I had with the two spirits trapped together - I'm feeling liberated. I know God can supply more great ideas and all the energy and inspiration I'll need to write if that's what he wants me to do.

It's been almost two months now since I realized these four ways God was answering me (I originally wrote most of this in an email to a close friend) and I thought I would revisit and post them here, kind of to remind myself. And to keep myself on track with recognizing the lies/temptations that I'm susceptible to and keep fighting them with the Word of Truth.

And maybe, just maybe, someday another person struggling with depression might read this and find some encouragement and direction. My good news: I can joyfully say that I have been depression-free for two months now! thank you, Lord.

However, I have not yet found a verse yet for specifically fighting escapism. Need to dig more into the Word!

Dear reader, always remember to search for your answers, and your Strength, in the Word of God. If you seek Him, He will answer You. He keeps proving that to me time and time again.