The beauty of Perelandra

This post is part of the C.S. Lewis book club hosted at the Quiet Quill. I've also written up my thoughts on:
Out of the Silent Planet
A Grief Observed
Surprised by Joy

I've been trying to figure out how C.S. Lewis manages to immerse you so fully in a new world, as he does when you visit the planet Perelandra. 

I think I understand at least part of his excellent technique: it's not so much the details, but it's how he reveals them as a series of first impressions/discoveries which gradually get pieced together and then change as as the "big picture" is slowly, exquisitely revealed.

Ransom is the main character this book and the previous book, Out of the Silent Planet: a bemused British philologist (studier of languages). When he arrives on the Perelandra, a planet primarily of water, it is fascinating to see him cope with the aquatic world. I would love to tell about the ________ islands, but they are one of the neatest features of the world-building, so I use a blank as a form of enticement!

The theme of the book first appears to be a retelling of the story of Adam and Eve, and the serpent's temptation - the differences being that it's a watery version of Eden, and that Ransom is present to warn Eve about the serpent's wiles. But the ending will reveal that the it's more than a retelling; as Ransom realizes at the end, God never tells the same story twice.

At first I had a hard time with this statement:

If he now failed [to keep Eve from the original sin], this world also would hereafter be redeemed. If he were not the ransom, another would be. Yet nothing was ever repeated. Not a second crucifixion; perhaps-who knows-not even a second Incarnation... some act of even more appalling love, some glory of yet deeper humility.

My first reaction was to think "how could be anything greater than Christ dying for us? How is there any greater love?" But I think the point Lewis is trying to make here is that we simply cannot fathom the glories of God, the limitlessness of His plans - "His understanding no one can fathom." (Isaiah 40:29).

I liked how the serpents in this story are actually good creatures - Satan is represented by a different creature altogether, but I tell you, he will seriously give you chills.

Another neat twist in this story is the Lady's (symbolic of Eve) responses to Satan's temptations. She has her own brand of fascinating logic, which at first appears childishly naive, but is innocent and wise enough to hold its own with the millenia of Satan's accumulated experience and cunning. Lewis must have brainstormed for YEARS to come up with the dialogue in this book. It's not clever; it's more than clever.
This excerpt is a glimpse into the Lady's different perspectives:

"I mean," said Ransom, "a night is not a very long time."

She thought again, and then spoke suddenly, her face lightening. "I see it now. You think times have lengths. A night is always a night whatever you do in it, as from this tree to that is always so many paces whether you take them quickly or slowly. I suppose that is true in a way. But the waves do not always come at equal distances. I see that you come from a wise world... if this is wise. I have never done it before, stepping out of life into the Alongside and looking at oneself living as if one were not alive. Do they all do that in your world, Piebald?"

Here is a very interesting temptation that Ransom struggles with on Perelandra:

Looking at a fine cluster of the bubbles which hung above his head he thought how easy it would be to get up and plunge oneself through the whole lot of them and to feel, all at once, that magical refreshment multiplied tenfold. But he was restrained by the same sort of feeling which had restrained him from tasting a second gourd... this itch to have things over again, as if life were a film that could be unrolled twice or even made to work backwards... was it possibly the root of all evil? No: of course the love of money was called that. But money itself - perhaps one valued it chiefly as a defense against chance, a security for being able to have things over again, a means of arresting the unrolling of the film.

And a related quote:

Perhaps the experience had been so complete that repetition would be vulgarity - like asking to hear the same symphony twice in a day.

There are some interesting discussions between Ransom and the Lady about the Eldil, the name used for angels. Apparently, the Lady has never encountered angels before. Ransom wonders why they do not appear on Perelandra, when they were the ruling beings on Malacandra (the planet he visits in the previous book).

"Eldila," said Ransom. "the great and ancient servants of Maleldil... whose bodies are made of light. Whom we can hardly see. Whom ought to be obeyed."

She mused for a moment and then spoke. "Sweetly and gently this time Maleldil makes me older. He shows me all the natures of these blessed creatures. But there is no obeying them now, not in this world. That is all the old order, Piebald, the far side of the wave that has rolled past us and will not come again. That very ancient world to which you journeyed was put under the eldila. In our own world also they ruled once; but not since our Beloved became a Man. In your world they linger still. But in our world, which is the first of worlds to wake after the great change, they have no power. There is nothing now between us and Him. They have grown less and we have increased. And now Maleldil puts into my mind that this is their glory and their joy. They received us - us things of the low world... weak and small beasts whom their lightest touch could destroy; and their glory was to cherish us and make us older till we were older than they - till they could fall at our feet. It is a joy we shall not have... but it is a joy beyond all. Not that it is better joy than ours. Every joy is beyond all others. The fruit we are eating is always the best fruit of all."

I also loved how when the two eldil prepare to show themselves as distinct figures to the Lady and her husband, they first try on a couple "appearances" to Ransom to see how they would be received by humans - first they appear as the winged cherubim, "a tornado of sheer monstrosities... darting pillars filled with eyes, lightning pulsations of flame, talons and beaks and billowy masses of what suggest snow, volleyed through cubes and heptagons into an infinite black void. The next appearance they tried was of wheels turning within wheels. Then at last they tried the image of man, but giants, and burning white like white-hot iron. (Ezekiel 1)

Here is a descriptive excerpt that startled me with the reversed perspective of sea above and mountains below:

...an exquisite haze like vaporized amethyst and emerald and gold... the edge of this haze rose as he rose, and became at last the horizon of the sea, high lifted above the hills. And the sea grew ever larger and the mountains less, and the horozon of the sea rose and rose till all the lower mountains behind him seemed to be lying at the bottom of a great bowl of sea.

Such beautiful descriptions! It reminds me a little of the way Tolkien so lovingly described some of the beautiful places in Middle Earth. I also loved this summation of the beauty of the planet Perelandra (Venus) in comparison to Malacandra (Mars), its older sister:

Malacandra seemed to him to have the look of one standing armed, on the ramparts of his own remote archaic world, in ceaseless vigilance, his eyes ever roaming the earthward horizon whence his danger came long ago. A sailor's look... eyes that are impregnated with distance.

But the eyes of Perelandra opened, as it were, inward, as if they were the curtained gateway to a world of waves and murmurings and wandering airs, of life that rocked in winds and splashed on mossy stones and descended as the dew and arose sunward in thin-spun delicacy of mist.

I will finally end this long post with my most favorite quote of all from Perelandra. It includes a reference to Job 38: 1-7, which were the verses I read many years ago when God first opened my eyes to His truth.

Listening hard, he could hear nothing but the low murmurous noise of warm wind and gentle swell. The suggestion of music must have been from within. But as soon as he lay down again he felt assured that it was not. From without, most certainly from without, but not by the snse of hearing, festal revelry an dance and splendour poured into him - no sound, yet in such fashion that it could not be remembered or thought of except as music. It was like having a new sense. It was like being present when the morning stars sang together.

1000 gifts: lilacs and snow drifts

Continuing my list of gifts, blessings that I write down to remember all the wonderful things that God gives me along life's journey (from Ann Voskamp's book and her blog, A Holy Experience).

299. Giant summer snow drifts 
After church, we drove up to the Snowy Range to see the snow drifts. The mountains had a record snowfall this year, and on June 12 this is how much snow was left!

300. Discovering lilacs
On the same day we were playing in the snow (see above) we drove back down into summer, into our town at the height of lilac season. Though we have two beautiful blossoming crabapple trees in our yard, I've always been sad we don't have any lilacs (I planted one a few years ago, but it still hasn't bloomed). But this afternoon Blaze discovered four little lilac bushes in our side yard - we've been here 5 years now and this was the first year we discovered them! It must be the first year they've bloomed. 


301. Everything I want, I already have
Visited Heather after her surgery. Still a little groggy from her pain medications, she was still excited to show me all her beautiful cards and flowers. Another friend had framed a plaque for her with the Latin saying:

Omnia quae cupio iam habeo =  Everything I want, I already have.

Together we marveled how even in the midst of this trial she is having with cancer, she can still say, with God's grace, that she's been blessed with everything.

302. Indian winters
Heather also made this cute comment about our wintry Laramie springs: they are like "Indian winters" (a take on the term "Indian summer": when you get summery weather again after the first frost in the fall)

303. The advantages creative writers might have
These are some great insights I found on Saumya's wonderful blog:

"Creative people tend to tolerate uncertainty better" 

"Writing allows us to reflect and reflection prevents burnout because we can derive meaning from what we are doing all the time." 

"The world wants us to fit into templated narratives and it's a writer's duty to defy that want."

304. Stars in your soul

This quote is worthy of a place of its own in my gift list.

"What Is Love? I have met in the streets a very poor young man who was in love. His hat was old, his coat worn, the water passed through his shoes and the stars through his soul" — Victor Hugo

305. "A good tree to climb"
That was Dreamer's comment about the cottonwood in our backyard that she loved to climb (until she had a scary encounter with a spider sharing her branch). All four girls love this tree; here they are planning some sort of mischief:

306. A variation on the Footprints in the Sand poem

This is from Beth Moore's Breaking Free study: (full text here)

"Imagine going to heaven and standing by God as he lovingly shows you the calendar of his plan for your earthly life...."Father, are those my footprints on the calendar every day and is the second set of prints when You joined me?"

He answers, "No, My precious Child. The consistent footprints on your calendar are Mine.  The second set of footprints are when you joined Me."

"Where were You going, Father?"

"To the destiny I planned for you, hoping you'd follow."

"But, Father, where are my footprints all those times?"

He answers, "Sometimes you went back to look at old resentments and habits while I was still going forward, hoping you'd join Me.  Sometimes, you departed from My path and chose your own calendar instead.Other times, your footprints can even be seen on another person's calendar, because you thought you liked their plan better. At other times, you simply stopped, because you would not let go of something you could not take to the next day."

307.  Unexpected gift certificates
I took a couple friends from Bible study horseback riding, and a couple days later Lindsay sent me a thank-you card with a gift certificate for dinner at Altitude, one of our favorite restaurants.

308. Doggie easter egg hunts
Dreamer set up an "easter egg hunt" for our dog, Remie. She enlisted the help of the twins and they hid doggie treats all over the yard, then took Remie around to all the spots to find them.

309. A tea party for two
Lately Dreamer, my seven year old, has been lamenting about how she'll never be as good as Blaze (my 9 year old). Blaze is always better at drawing, at making things, at swimming, everything. Even though both my mom and I have explained to her it simply seems that way because Blaze is 2 years older, Dreamer still struggles with this. I invited Dreamer to have a tea party with me in our flower garden, just the two of us. She was thrilled! - and I haven't heard her worrying about Blaze being ahead of her since then. Reminded me I have to be careful to give each of my girls individual attention.

310. A funny tale about horse tails
Stars called me and told me to look at  a picture of her horse, Roy, that she posted on Facebook - she had just shown Roy for the first time with his new "two-pound tail" - (real horse hair that is clipped into the existing tail to make it look longer and fuller for shows). It was a beautiful tail indeed - though I was still sorrowing over Blaze cutting almost a foot off the length of her horse's tail. I was so happy that Spring's tail, which was short when we bought her last fall, had finally grown out to proper length... Blaze didn't realize that she wasn't supposed to cut so much off it.

311. Stable friendships
Stars also posted this on her Facebook page, and I reposted it:

If you want a stable friendship, get a horse.

312. The most vivid rainbow I've seen yet

 I've seen lots of gorgeous rainbows out here in the land of the big skies - including a quadruple rainbow in 2006, right after finding out I was having twin girls - a quadruple rainbow for my four girls! But this one was definitely the brightest rainbow I've yet seen, from our backyard. The picture, of course, doesn't do it justice.

1000 gifts: Asheville NC, mohitos and Melissa

I got to spend a couple days with my high school friend, Melissa in Asheville, NC over Memorial Day weekend. I hadn't seen in her 10 years, but it was like no time had passed at all! So here I continue my list of gifts, blessings that I write down to remember all the wonderful things that God gives me along the journey (from Ann Voskamp's book and her blog, A Holy Experience). I'm still struggling with depression (SAD), but the gifts keep accumlating, and it's possible I appreciate them even more in the midst of depression.

Before I get to my North Carolina adventure, a few end of school year things:

275. Birthday cupcakes.
Dreamer's birthday was May 17 and I brought cupcakes to school for a little school party. After all the kids sang her Happy Birthday, Dreamer asked me to stay (there was only about an hour left of school). I hadn't planned on staying, but how could I refuse on her birthday? And I've got to enjoy these years when I'm still the greatest thing in the world to my kids, when they want to show me off in front of their friends and teacher!

276. Giggles.
Dreamer's ballet recital rehearsal was the next day, and she was so excited about getting to perform up on stage! When we entered the big auditorium for her rehearsal - she couldn't stop giggling. Dreamer giggles when she's excited, and it's contagious.

277. Dance recitals.
Saturday was her actual ballet recital. She got to dress us as a bride and the girls in her class did a dance called "La Mariee" by Marc Chagall, to a beautiful classical piece that I'd never heard before, but now I love: The Great Russian Easter Wedding March by Rimsky-Korsakov. I love all the other dances too, tap, jazz, hiphop and Irish step (I love the Irish step especially because the whole audience gets involved clapping and yelling). The costumes are always fun, too. One of my favorites were the little girls dressed up in jungle gear and tap dancing to the elephant's march from Disney's Jungle Book.


278. Texting.
B. tried to call me during Dreamer's recital to see if Blaze had come outside yet to be picked up for her friends' swimming party. I couldn't talk to him so I texted him back. Texting is so much fun! I loved our little "conversation": B: I'm a bissy man send her a runnin or no swimmy. Me: I'm in the middle of a recital! B: Just march right up on that stage grab her and tell them people my husband wants dinner what are you all thinking?

279. Last favorite things.
One more thing relating to ballet - Dreamer came and told me, "Some people at school don't like ballet." I told her, "well, people have different favorite things and some things they don't like to do." Dreamer thought for a minute and then asked, very plaintively, "why can't ballet be their last favorite thing?"

280. Casa BonitasAfter the recital, we drove down to Denver for Dreamer's birthday party at Casa Bonita's. It wasn't a real party (it was just our family) but that giant resaturant, with a waterfall, a high dive show, actors dressed up as pirates, gorillas and princesses, pinatas, puppet shows, and Black Bart's cave, is better than any party I could come up with for girls on my own!

281. Refocus stations.
Blaze and Dreamer told me about the "refocus station" at school. Apparently when you get in trouble these days at school, the old threats we used to deal with - a dunce's cap, detention - have been replaced with something with a more more constructive title - a "refocus station." I'm not quite clear how it works, but the name just cracked me up.

282. Critique partners.
I've found a new "critique partner" via my writing blog, another writer of youn adult fiction, and we exchanged our stories (well, she sent me her entire novel - which was WONDERFUL! I had a hard time finding anything to critique about it; it's ready for publication) and I sent her my first three chapters (the rest of my novel still needs major revision). But my partner's response to my first three chapters was very encouraging. She found some things I needed to fix, but they weren't major. Her words: "I like this. I really, REALLY like this." Music to my ears!

283. Dismissed fees.
I forgot to file a form with the IRS last year, and they threatened a $700 fee! I sent them the missing paperwork, and said a prayer. This week I got a letter saying they were dismissing the fee! Hallelujah!

284. Great quotes‎"The world will not starve for want of wonders, but for want of wonder." G. K. Chesteron

285. Beautiful riding.
Stars posted a video of her riding her horse Roy without bridle or saddle, walking, trotting and loping in circles and doing patterns - even backward steps and a perfect 360 degree turn on the quarters!

286. The filling of the Holy Spirit.
Beth Moore's Breaking Free study continues to give me wonderful insights into the Bible and my spiritual walk. She talks about how the Holy Spirit is like a great flood of water pouring into your life. The only places it can't fill are the places that where you won't yield - your "high places". It is entirely possible to be filled with the Holy Spirit but still have high places you haven't yielded yet - stubborn spots the Lord is still working on you to give up. I could think of a few I'm still hanging onto...

287. Old friends, far away but not forgotten.
Visiting Melissa! Oh my goodness a friendship that stands the test of time is a true treasure! When she picked me up from the airport in Greenville, SC, I got to meet her daughters Molly (13) and Emily (10) for the first time, and then I got to meet Ho Ward, which is what they've named their talking GPS. Yes, I've been living in the dark ages, I've never heard an onboard GPS give directions before. They had all sorts of stories to tell me about the pros and cons of GPS and the particularities of a computer voice (I wanted to hear the Australian version of Ho Ward).

288. MohitosMelissa had a barbeque to reaquint me with her family and introduce me to her new friends and she introduced to me to a new drink, "the mohito": a freshing lime, mint, seltzer and rum concoction. Delicious.

289. The Grove ParkA grand old hotel and spa. I took pictures of Molly standing inside its giant fireplaces (it reminded me a more rustic version of the Homestead in Virginia). We also drove by the Biltmore (too expensive to actually go in - we admired from afar).

290. Pink ghosts.
The Grove Park is supposedly haunted by the Pink Lady, who is not a frightening ghost - the worst she does is tickle your toes while you are sleeping.

291. Star shops and street performers.
We walked around downtown Asheville, listened to street performers - Asheville reminds me of the outdoor mall in Boulder, Colorado. We popped in and out of all the little boutiques. At one store you could buy real dinosaur bones and fossils. My favorite though was the Star Shop, where you could buy these beautiful painted paper lanterns in the shape of stars.

293. Old-timey general stores.
Another great store in downtown Asheville is Mast's General store, like stepping back in a time fifty years or so (well, except for the prices). I loved the barrels of full of old-fashioned candy in the back. While picking out some treats to take home to my daughters, I heard another shopper exclaim "I haven't seen some of these candies in forty years!" They even had horehound candy (famous from Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House books).

294. Mugs and maps
Whenever I visit a new place, I like to get a local map of it (I was picking on Melissa for not having any Asheville maps and relying so much on her GPS). And I like to bring home a mug. Because then when I'm sipping my tea in the morning, the mug brings back memories.

295. Fusion restaurants, flavor explosionsWe ended the day at a delicious restaurant, Curras, which serves Mexican fusion - not sure what that is exactly, but my scallop enchilada was a perfect explosion of different flavors.

296. Creatively-named chocolates.
I dragged Melissa and the girls into a shop called the Chocolate Fetish, because I love to discover new flavors of chocolate! I tried a truffle called "the Dragon's Sigh" - listen to this heavenly description: "sprinked with white and black sesame seeds, enrobed in a creamy smmoth dark choclate overture, the full flavored dark chocolate center will tackle your tongue with a light taste of Wasabi." I also tried the "Midsummer Night's Dream" truffle - chocolate infused with fresh lavender, locally produced honey, and hint of lemon, and admired more creative truffle names such as "High Tea" "French Velvet" "Wine and Roses" and "Ancient Pleasures."

297. Mountain driving.
After another delicious meal on Sunday, brunch at the "Laughing Seed" (love that name!) we went driving up along the Blue Ridge Parkway, through real mountain tunnels, and hiking through "tunnels" of rhodendron. I am used to mountain driving, but I've never encountered such narrow scary little roads as the ones in the countryside surrounding Asheville. You really do not want to encounter another car coming the opposite direction!

298. Silliness that you never outgrow.
"I am in love to help you, Miss Meleeeeeeesa" - not sure how to explain this one, except to say that it's classic Melissa. We were silly like this all the time in high school, so nice to see we haven't outgrown it.

1000 gifts: April blizzards, May storms

In the rest of America, the saying is "April showers bring May flowers," but here at 7200 ft in Laramie, Wyoming, it's more like "April blizzards bring more May storms." I've had my worst fight with seasonal affective disorder (SAD) this year. I didn't struggle with this at all for the first couple years after the twins were born, but last year it came back with a vengeance and this year has been even worse.

We don't seem to get as many breaks in the bad weather as we used to, and March and April are particularly hard because I know every where else there are signs of spring, but we just get more and more winter.

Nevertheless, God continues to give me little gifts, and I write them down on my calendar and give praise back to Him. 1000 gifts is an idea from Ann Voskamp's book and her blog, A Holy Experience.

256. Woodstove fires.
Blaze is our "fire-girl." (I guess I chose her nickname well!) She has gotten so good at building fires in our wood stove, it's become her official job.

257. Bumper stickers.
This one made me look twice: "An eye for an eye makes the whole world go blind."

258. Advanced reader copies
I received my first "ARC" in the mail, or Advanced Reader Copy. Now that I have an established writing and book-review blog, I am eligible to receive ARCS (for free!) from publishers - months before they are available for sale. In return, all they ask is promotion on my blog. I already raved/reviewed Possession, a futuristic young adult novel by Elana Johnson, on my writing blog, but I'll mention it here, too. If you liked mind benders (like the movie Inception) you might like Possession. Inception blows your mind with dreams within dreams; Possession blows your mind with mind control and trying to guess who is controlling who.

259. Baby cars
You know that great Disney movie, Cars, where there are no humans at all and the people are cars and trucks and the livestock are tractors? Lightning McQueen falls in love with a Porsche. Well, they never showed any baby cars in that movie. I wonder if they have kid cars and baby cars in the sequel movie? I had fun imagining that scenario!

260. The potter and the clay.
From my Beth Moore study, Breaking Free, I found these powerful verses, Jeremiah 18:1-12, about the potter and the clay; I wonder if this is where the famous verses in Romans 9:19-21 come from. The Lord has Jeremiah visit a potter and watch him make clay vessels to illustrate his point.

261. Crazy ideas.
Character idea (probably already taken, but it's still fun): a character for a book who's special gift is seeing every person's "inner animal". This is different than saying "he's like a fox" or "she's like a tiger." This is more like your hidden personality, or potential, not your most apparent one.

262. Fun things your daughters say.
Dreamer tells me: "I am powerful and flexible." I ask her if she heard that at school. She says, "Nobody taught me this. I figured it out myself."

263. How important children are to God.
Another important lesson from Beth Moore's study: Matt 18:1-8. She shares some of experience of how she was abused as a child, and yet still God used this terrible thing for many great purposes.

264. Morning walks.
Now that it is lighter in the mornings, I am starting to get out and walk more, which helps the winter blues. At the end of my walk I always visit our horses and spend some time rubbing their faces and "talking to them."

265. The Bible is relevant, at any time, at any age. Stars called me and told me about this wonderful book she'd read, "Heaven is for Real." (This book deserves a post all to itself). Anyway, Stars said the book reaffirmed her faith in God, though she said she struggles with the Bible - is it really relevant? I told her it was, more than any other book in the world, because it is how God speaks to us, and it gives a blue print for living a fulfilling life.

266. Happy medicine.
B.'s brother and his family came to visit for a weekend and the girls had so much fun with their cousins Br., T and D. . R.B. and J.B. had us busting up laughing several times, it was like an instant shot of happy medicine.

267. Old horses that never give up.
We got the horses out for the kids to ride and I was delighted to see that Rebel was still full of energy, still "leading the pack" at 29 years old!

268. Prayer beads.
At my women's Bible study (which I'm now hosting at my house) we talked about the importance of prayer, how to make it more of a priority and how to stay concentrated during prayer instead of wandering off to plan the grocery list or other things. Heather shared that she uses prayer beads (not a rosary) but a bead each a different color for each family member and close friends and it helps her remember to pray for everyone.

269. Sharing parenting tips.
Also from the Bible study, another friend, Tuesday, shared some advice on parenting, on dealing with attitude (which I'm getting a lot from Blaze, lately) - it's such good advice I'm going to write a whole post on it. The basic gist: many times your kids don't even realize how their attitude appears to others.

270. Not being afraid to fall off.
Lunch with Heather. She told me to look up Francis Chan's videos on YouTube (he's the author of Crazy Love, another must read). This video called the Balance Beam is something every Christian should watch. The basic premise is that it's easy to get caught up in accumulating things and then hanging on to them, that we aren't willing to take risks anymore for God. If life is like a balance beam, we hug it close and creep across carefully so we won't fall off. Then at the very end of our safe little lives we "dismount" the beam and stand up and look to God to see if he liked our "performance." Very convicting!

271. Promotions.
B. got a promotion at work, and he's only been working there for 4 months. He has better hours now, too, no longer has to work through the night plowing when there is a blizzard. He works four 10 hour days, and has Fridays off, so we really like that too. (Now the new position has it own set of issues and challenges, things we are praying about - issues with his foreman).

272. Morning notes.With his new hours, B. has to be at work at 6:30, so when he's running late he doesn't have time to feed Rebel in the morning (our old horse). So then he leaves me these adorable notes on the kitchen counter: "Please feed Rebel the debel, the old crafty one" and another time: "Please feed the other handsome man."

273. Good can come from cancer.
Heather was diagnosed with breast cancer in April and had a double mastectomy in May. I visited her a couple days after her surgery (she was only in the hospital one night!) and she was a little groggy from pain pills but very optimistic. She said her reconstructed breasts were actually an improvement over the old pair! Other good news: the surgeon felt confidant that he got all the cancer and that it hadn't spread. She may not even need to have chemo, but still too soon to tell. Heather amazes me with her strong faith since finding out this scary news. She's sure that the Lord will use this to help her reach many more people and share her faith.

274: Worship songs
I have a new favorite song at church. Well, I have lots of favorites. But this one moved me to tears recently: "All I have is Christ" (I even emailed Karen the lyrics).

I once was lost in darkest night
Yet thought I knew the way
The sin that promised joy and life
Had led me to the grave
I had no hope that You would own
A rebel to Your will
And if You had not loved me first
I would refuse You still

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life

But as I ran my hell-bound race
Indifferent to the cost
You looked upon my helpless state
And led me to the cross
And I beheld God’s love displayed
You suffered in my place
You bore the wrath reserved for me
Now all I know is grace

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone
And live so all might see
The strength to follow Your commands
Could never come from me
Oh Father, use my ransomed life
In any way You choose
And let my song forever be
My only boast is You

Sullivan Ballou's letter to his wife Sarah

July the 14th, 1861
Washington DC


My very dear Sarah:

The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days - perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write you again, I feel impelled to write lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more.

Our movement may be one of a few days duration and full of pleasure - and it may be one of severe conflict and death to me. Not my will, but thine 0 God, be done. If it is necessary that I should fall on the battlefield for my country, I am ready. I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American Civilization now leans upon the triumph of the Government, and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution. And I am willing - perfectly willing - to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt.

But, my dear wife, when I know that with my own joys I lay down nearly all of yours, and replace them in this life with cares and sorrows - when, after having eaten for long years the bitter fruit of orphanage myself, I must offer it as their only sustenance to my dear little children - is it weak or dishonorable, while the banner of my purpose floats calmly and proudly in the breeze, that my unbounded love for you, my darling wife and children, should struggle in fierce, though useless, contest with my love of country?

I cannot describe to you my feelings on this calm summer night, when two thousand men are sleeping around me, many of them enjoying the last, perhaps, before that of death -- and I, suspicious that Death is creeping behind me with his fatal dart, am communing with God, my country, and thee.

I have sought most closely and diligently, and often in my breast, for a wrong motive in thus hazarding the happiness of those I loved and I could not find one. A pure love of my country and of the principles have often advocated before the people and "the name of honor that I love more than I fear death" have called upon me, and I have obeyed.

Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me to you with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly on with all these chains to the battlefield.

The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when God willing, we might still have lived and loved together and seen our sons grow up to honorable manhood around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me - perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar -- that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name.

Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have often times been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness, and struggle with all the misfortune of this world, to shield you and my children from harm. But I cannot. I must watch you from the spirit land and hover near you, while you buffet the storms with your precious little freight, and wait with sad patience till we meet to part no more.

But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the garish day and in the darkest night -- amidst your happiest scenes and gloomiest hours - always, always; and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath; or the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by.

Sarah, do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again.

As for my little boys, they will grow as I have done, and never know a father's love and care. Little Willie is too young to remember me long, and my blue eyed Edgar will keep my frolics with him among the dimmest memories of his childhood. Sarah, I have unlimited confidence in your maternal care and your development of their characters. Tell my two mothers his and hers I call God's blessing upon them. O Sarah, I wait for you there! Come to me, and lead thither my children.

Sullivan

1000 gifts: "winter break"

These blessings in my 1000 gift series are centered on our spring break, which I call "winter break" because March and early April are still very much winter here at 7200 feet in Laramie, Wyoming. However, I did get two breaks this wintery spring, so I can't complain!

Here is a picture of Blaze "riding an alligator" - from our spring break in Hilton Head, South Carolina.

The 1000 gifts is from Ann Voskamp's book and from her blog, A Holy Experience.

229. Doing nothing.Spring break from school falls right in the middle of March, and I love this week to do absolutely NOTHING - I take off work and we just stay home, watch movies, read books, and watch the girls "make things".

230. Gap-tooth grins.Dreamer had one front middle tooth that just won't give up - it refused to fall out, instead the new tooth coming in kept pushing upward and outward, giving Dreamer a rather frightful appearance! But finally this week it fell out, now we have the adorable gap tooth look.

231. Girly braids on horses.We had one warm sunny day, and Blaze had fun braiding all the horses' manes. So now when B. goes roping he has nice little girly braids in Ally's and Sam's manes!

232. Fun kid sayings.Dreamer says: "Mom, am I like a rock star? I am a great singer." "My favorite hobby is jump roping and being a Western girl."

233. Kids praying before bed.
"For a sleepy-sleep night up with the stars and the moon"

234. "Tickle-kisses"
This comes from the "combinations" my mother learned about from her mother - a combination hug, tickle, and kiss. I tend to give more tickles than hugs, so the girls call them tickle-kisses instead.

235. Sailing.I had the neatest dream about sailing. I grew up sailing on Lake Erie with my parents. My dad bought his first little sailboat when I was about five or six (the Siren); which then graduated to a 23 foot O'Day and then when I was about 14 or 15 he got a big 30 foot Catalina which we named Cygnet (baby swan). We would also rent a big 36 foot sailboat every spring down in the Chesapeake Bay. We spent every weekend during the summer out on the water until he sold the boat when I went away to college. Everyonce in a while I get a real hankering to get back out on the water and see if I can still trim the sail to heel the boat over. That was what my dream was about, and it was so vivid, even down to the snapping of the sail when you "come about" (change tack), and the feeling of the ropes thrumming between my fingers from the wind. Gliding on the edge between two worlds, the sea and the sky.

236. Grimaces.We discover that Grace makes the cutest grimace-face when we call her Grace-pot! (we have to be careful we don't call her that too often)

237. Play-aways.
Blaze and Dreamer's school library offers "play aways" - audio books on little devices like iPods. Blaze has been reading/listening to the Lightning Thief and telling me all about the Greek gods.

238. Opa!Visiting my parents in Hilton Head, SC with Blaze and Starlet (Serious and Dreamer went last year). One of the first things we do, after visiting the beach, of course, is go to my favorite Greek restaurant (no Greek restaurants in Laramie). The girls were thrilled by the "flaming cheese" and everyone in the restaurant crying out "Opa!"

239. Smark remarks.
My Dad has been doing chelation therapy to remove high levels of lead and mercury from his system, and we are starting to notice some results! He still can't walk very far, but his spirits seem to be returning, along with his smart remarks like "now put that in your pipe and smoke it!"

240. Biking.
We get free bike rentals through the Hilton Head condo, and when we took Blaze to try out the bikes we discovered that she is best suited for an adult bike (she's only nine!) Grandma was absolutely thrilled to have a regular biking partner (I don't like to go everyday like she does - I'm more of a walker). Starlet got a little bike with training wheels but she had fun going round and round the parking lot.

241. LoglinesThe first five days in Hilton Head were disappointing - very cold and rainy. But things started to change by Thursday, starting with an email from agent who'd seen my book's "logline" (one sentence pitch) posted on an on-line contest. She wanted to see my query letter and first five pages. After much debate, I decided to pass sending them to her for now, since the rest of the book isn't polished enough. But once I get it "in shape" at least I have someone to contact.

242. Sassy four year olds.Grace cracks us up, whenever we ask her to do something she doesn't want to do, she sasses us with her exasperated "okay! okay!" - but whenever we ask her about something like ice cream or something else she likes, she switches to an excited "of course! of course!"

243. Shell shops.Another favorite Hilton Head tradition is going to the Shell Shop at Coligny plaza. This is such a fun little gift shop. We always find interesting things there - last year it was a pirate nutcracker. This year, it was a "light sculpture". Blaze bought a dolphin sculpture for herself and I got a mermaid one for Dreamer.

244. Beautiful chorals.On Sunday Mom took me to her favorite Hilton Head church and it was a "triple header." The first really neat thing was they did a special performance of excerpts from Faure's Requiem, which has been a choral favorite of mine since college.

245. Hearing the Gospel at a place you where don't expect it.The second neat thing about the church was that the pastor gave an amazing sermon: the Gospel through and through, man's sin and need for a savior and a personal relationship with God - I had not expected to hear such a Biblically-sound sermon at an Episcopal church. I asked Mom later if she agreed with all that strong wording, and she said YES!

246. Southern bellesThe third neat thing is that we met up with Leslie, Mom's cousin at church and they invited us out to lunch afterward. We both absolutely adore Leslie - she is such a southern belle, vivacious and gracious at the same time. She and her teenage daughter Forrest treated us to lunch after church. When Blaze and Starlet finished their pizza and started to get antsy with all the "grown up girl" talk, Forrest graciously offered to take them for a walk and get them ice-creams so Mom and I and Leslie could keep chatting.

247. EtiquetteAs soon as Forrest had left with the girls, I told Leslie - your daughter is so polite and gracious! what's your trick? Leslie had all kinds of wonderful advice. She and Forrest have been doing etiquette classes together, and one of the neat things that I didn't realize about etiquette is that it's not just about fancy manners. The main principle is to "put other people at ease."

248. Tucking into bed.Another great piece of advice from Leslie was to always to make sure you tuck your kids in bed because even as teenagers, that is so important to them, and it is a time when they are more likely to talk about their day and things that are troubling them - keeps the lines of communication open.

249. Sunday night TVWhen I was growing up, every Sunday night we always watched Sixty Minutes and then shows on PBS including Masterpiece Theater. Sometimes I still go over to my parents' house on Sunday nights to watch TV with them (this is about the only TV I ever watch. It's just not the same watching these by myself).

250. Sullivan Ballou's letter to his wife Sarah.
We got a special treat on PBS our second-to-last night in Hilton Head: one of the Civil War episodes - my favorite one, where they read the heartbreakingly beautiful "Dear Sarah" letter at the end. I love this letter so much I think I'll copy it in entirety in a forthcoming post. It makes me cry every time though, esp. when it is read with the haunting Civil War theme music, Ashoken Farewell, playing in the background.

251. Ocean piers.Our last day in Hilton Hilton we visited Leslie and her family's beautiful house on Calibogue Bay. Their house is an adventure all in itself, with a fish pond out front, a giant swimming pool in the back, not to mention the bay. They have a huge pier going out into the bay, which the girls had so much fun running up and down.

252. Glass-walled restaurants. Then we went out to dinner at the Weston Hotel, which is right on the beach, and the restaurant has glass walls so you almost feel like you are right over the beach. The girls love going to the Weston too because it has all sorts of ponds, pools, fountains and a series of funny pelican statues scattered all around the grounds.

253. "See you around the pool hall."Dad's parting remark when we left Tuesday morning to return to Laramie

254. Free snacks.
The girls were really good on the airplane, though at one point Starlet started crying (I forgot why). Anyway, I took her back to the bathroom, and one of the flight attendants saw her crying. She gave Starlet a free box of snacks (which you normally have to pay 6 or 7 dollars for) and then when she saw I had another daughter, she gave Blaze a free snack box too. Just a little act of kindness, but it brightened our long travel day.

255. Praying with a loved one.One last gift, perhaps the most wonderful of all for spring break - you know how I amazed I was when Mom said she believed all the great Biblical preaching at church? Even more wonderful, one night she asked me to pray with her. She says that Dad's illness and poor spirits has driven to her knees in prayer more than once. I cannot describe my joy to feel the beginnings of spiritual fellowship with my mother!

Out of the Silent Planet

This post is part of the C.S. Lewis book club hosted at the Quiet Quill - stop by there to read other discussions on this book. Next month we'll be discussing the sequel, Perelandra.

Given that Out of the Silent Planet came out in the 1930's, I think it is a spectacular SF book. No one does descriptions like C.S. Lewis to make you feel as if you are actually there, on another planet; a masterful blend of up-close details and broad-scale views. His spaceship and description of space travel are fascinating, too.

Here's a quote that embodies Lewis' way of turning your pre-conceived, earth-bound views inside out - we conceive space as darkness and void but Lewis painted as them as brilliance and life:

He wondered how he ever could have thought of planets, even of the Earth, as islands of life and reality floating in a deadly void. Now, with a certainty which never after deserted him, he saw the planets - the 'earths' he called them in his thought - as mere holes or gaps in the living heaven - excluded and rejected wastes of heavy matter and murky air, formed not by addition to, but subtraction from, the surrounding brightness.


And yet, he thought, beyond the solar system the brightness ends. Is that the real void, the real death? Unless... he groped for the idea... unless visible light is also a hole or gap, a mere diminuation of something else. Something that is to bright unchanging heaven as heaven is to the dark, heavy earths.... Things do not always happen as a man would expect. The moment of his arrival in an unknown world found Ransom wholly absorbed in a philosophical speculation.

Let me pick out the crux of that last paragraph:


unless visible light is also a hole or gap, a mere diminuation of something else


Shivers up my spine! I think he's hinting about God.

The planet Malacandra has three very distinct intelligent species that live in peace under one all-powerful (but not tyrannical) ruler, a Christian allegory for the Kingdom of God. There's a little bit of subtle satire that pops up here and there in the book. For instance, here's Ransom trying to describe the alien culture before he really understands it - he's actually describing human culture:

It would be a strange but not an inconceivable world; herosim and poetry at the bottom, cold scientific intellect above it, and overtopping all some dark superstition which scientific intellect, helpless against the revenge of the emotional depths it had ignored, had neither will nor power to remove.

The height of satire is at the end of the book, the famous conversation where Ransom (who is a philologist, a studier of languages) acts as translator between the other two humans and the ruler of Malacandra. (Check out Wikipedia's article about the book for great discussion of that conversation).

The satire had me smiling, as well as other conversations between Ransom and the aliens where they are trying to figure each other out - both sides are respectful, but delightfully perplexed.

Here's a scene where one of the natives is trying to describe the eldil, a fleeting being that is allegorical to angels, to Ransom:

Ransom tried to give the sorn some idea of the terrestrial terminology of solids, liquids and gases. It listened with great attention.

"That is not the way to say it," it replied. "Body is movement. If it is at one speed, you smell somehting; if at another, you hear a sound; if at another you see a sight; if at another, you neither see nor hear nor smell, nor know the body in any way. But mark this, Small One, that the two ends meet."

"How do you mean?"

"If movement is faster, then that which moves is more nearly in two places at once.... But if the movement were faster still - it is difficult, for you do not know many words - you see that if you made it faster and faster, in the end the moving thng would be in all places at once, Small One.

"...The swiftest thing that touches our sense is light. We do not truly see light, we only see slower things lit by it, so that for us light is on the edge - the last thing we know before things become too swift for us. But the body of an eldil is a movement swift as light; you may say its body is made of light, but not that which is light for the eldil. His "light" is a swfter movement which for us is nothing at all; and what we call light is for him a thing like water, a visible thing, a thing he can touch and bathe in - even a dark thing when not illumined by the swifter. And what we call firm things - flesh and earth - seem to him thinner, and harder to see, than our light, and more like clouds, and nearly nothing.

"To us the eldil is a thin, half-real body that can go through walls and rocks: to himself he goes through them because he is solid and firm and they are like cloud. And what is true light to him and fills the heaven, so that he will plunge into the rays of the sun to refresh himself from it, is to us the black nothing in the sky at night. These things are not strange, Small One, though they are beyond our senses."

I was particularly fascinated about how the alien ruler, Oyarsa, calls the human visitors from earth "bent" - the closest word the aliens have for selfish or greedy (Ransom's companions have kidnapped him to make an "offering" to pacify the aliens; they have come not to study the planet but to exploit it for gold).


Here's a conversation between Ransom and Oyarsa that tells of an epic galatic (and spiritual war) that isn't hard to place with its Biblical equivalent. (Here  is also where the term "the silent planet" comes from).

"Thulcandra [Earth] is the world we do not know. It alone is outside heaven, and no message comes from it."

Ransom was silent, but Oyarsa answered his unspoken questions.

"It was not always so. Once we knew the Oyarsa of your world - he was brighter and greater than I - and then we did not call it Thulcandra [their name for Earth]. It is the longest of all stories and the bitterest. He became bent. That was before any life came on your world. Those were the Bent Years of whcih we still speak in the heavens, when he was not yet bound to Thulcandra but free like us. It was in his mind to spoil other worlds besides his own. He smote your moon with his left hand and with his right he brought the cold death on my haranda [planet surface] before its time; if by my arm Maleldil [God] had not opened the handramits [deep canyons] and let out the hot springs, my world would have been unpeopled. We did not leave him so at large for long. There was a great war, and we drove him back out of the heavens and bound him in the air of his own world as Maleldil taught us. There doubtless he lies to this hour, and we know no more of that planet: it is silent. We think that Maleldil would not give up utterly to the Bent One [Satan] in Thulcandra. But of this we know less than you; it is a thing we desire to look into."

"I see now that the Lord of the silent world has bent you. There are laws that all hnau [humans and aliens] know, of pity and staight dealing and shame and the like, and one of these is the love of kindred. He has taught you to break all of them expect this one, which is not one of the greaest laws; this one he has bent till it becomes folly and has set it up, thus bent, to be a little blind Oyarsa [god] in your brain.... He has left you this one because a bent hnau can do more evil than a broken one. "

I kept expecting to find the allegorical reference to Christ, but I couldn't, which leaves me excited to see if the allegory of Christ's sacrifical death is covered in the next two books in the trilogy.

I don't think Oyarsa is a picture of Christ. The closest I could come to placing him was a ruling angel (eldil), though are several places, such as above, where it's infered that he's a god.


The ending where Ransom leaves the planet to return to earth - watching Malacandra grow smaller and the change of perspective - is just one of many vivid images/scenes that I'll remember for a long time


This is as far as my commentary goes; but I'm sticking a few more quotes in here at the end because I want to remember them.

"There must be rule, yet how can creatures rule themselves? Beasts must be ruled by hnau and hnau by eldila and eldia by Maleldil. These creatures have no eldila. They are like one trying to lift himself by his own hair--or one trying to see over a whole country when he is on a level with it--like a female trying to beget young on herself."

"But one thing we let behind us on the harandra: fear. And with fear, murder and rebellion. The weakest of my people does not fear death. It is the Bent One, the lord of your world, who wastes your lives and befouls them with flying from what you know will overtake you in the end [death]. If you were subjects of Maledil you would have peace."

 ... the stars, thick as daisies on an uncut lawn, reigned perpetually with no cloud, no moon, no sunrise to dispute their sway. There were planets of unbelievable majesty, and constellations undreamed of: there were celestial sapphires, rubies, emeralds and pin-pricks of burning gold; far out on the left of the picture hung a comet, tiny and remote: and between all and behind all, far more emphatic and palpable than it showed on Earth, the undimensioned, enigmatic blackness.