Love never fails

Just finished Beth Moore's study on "Believing God" and the last section really hit me hard.
It started with a verse that I think will become one of my life verses, like Isaiah 26:3, a verse I find it hard to believe has never come to my attention before:

Gal 5:6 The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

The close relationship between faith and love never occurred to me before.

Beth writes: "God has called us to love even when we don't want to, we don't feel like it, we get nothing obvious in return, when the person we're trying to love don't deserve it, if we feel they're not worth it, if they don't even know it, and even if it doesn't make any difference that we can see."

1 Cor 13:8 Love never fails.

"Every effort to love sacrificially (agape love) never fails to get God's priority attention (Mark 12:28-30); to ultimately and undoubtedly be rewarded; to have a profound effect, whether in the other person, in the circumstance, or in us.

"Love our enemies by faith. Love our neighbors by faith. Love our family members by faith. Love our spouses by faith. Love our in-laws by faith. Love a rebellious teen by faith. Love our betrayer by faith. Love an ill and bitter parent by faith. Love by faith, not by feeling."
Who has capacity to love like this? Impossible for us; only possible through God.
And yet, Romans 5:5: ...and hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love for us into our hearts"

2 Cor 5:7 But we have this treasure [God's love] in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.

I have been struggling to continue to love and pray for a friend who has become very difficult to talk to, very difficult to identify with, she seems so lost in pain and confusion and I have been hating myself for feeling like giving up on her right when she probably needs love & prayer the most - this lesson came at a crucial time for me.

summer '08 pictures

Summer 2008 pictures...

Developing a writing "voice"

My writing progress this summer has been better than other summers, which isn't hard, since I usually don't write ANYTHING during the summer. Too busy. It has been a busy summer (swim lessons, family reunion in Minnesota, Blaze's birthday party - 12 little girls all wanting to ride a hrose at the same time!) but somehow I manage to keep ekeing out an average of a few hundred words a week. My obsession this year has been on developing voice for my characters - earlier this spring I think I finally made a breakthrough with Arrasin and Selty. But I have some other major characters I needed to develop a stronger voice with, Tara, for certain.

Whenever I seem to draw a blank I retreat to re-reading a book that I recall having examples of good voice. Lately it has been Dick Francis mysteries. He's the only mystery writer I've ever really got hooked on (probably because most of his stories revolve around horses, in some fashion or another), but also his books are easy to analyze, as far as writing style. His main character is ALWAYS the same, with a very distinct voice, but he always has a least one colorful side character, sometimes more, that add the needed variation in voice, and add the fun to reading his novels in addition to the suspense. For instance in the latest novel I re-read, Decider, I was amused by a side character that was obsessed with his thinning hair. Much sport could be had from this obsession. Was it voice, really, or just a fun quirk that characterized many of his conversations? It's always fun to analyze. But whatever it was, it worked. Without it, the novel would have only half succeeded (esp. since this novel had hardly any romantic elements, either).

After finishing that novel, I sat down one evening at my book and wrote 1600 words - reminiscent of crazy November days! - ha! I still have it in me!) -- but even more fun, I finally hit on the idea for Tara that I've been searching for. Not just a characterization, such as Tara's sassy teenage attitude at odds with her love of reading and drawing and fantasy, but a characterization that can really be worked out in dialogue with other characters. I can't wait to finish the novel (I'm at section 73 out of 80!) so I can go back to start working my new ideas in.

our 4th of July

I am way overdue to share some about my family in my blog. We spent the 4th of July (and our 9th annivesary) at a ranch on the border of Colorado and Wyoming - the ranch owners also celebrate their anniversary on the 4th of July. They have a big picnic and then a team roping competition for all their friends. I watched B. rope a few times, but I have to confess that I more keen to see my daughter compete - since it was her first time! After the roping they had barrel racing for the kids.

Blaze (almost 7) has been practicing barrels for the last week on my horse Rebel, and it was great to see her get around all the barrels in the right pattern in front of everyone - and how excited she was!


The highlight for me was getting to go on a long trail ride with a good friend. The ranch is in the foothills, with wildflowers everywhere and magnificent views of the distant mountains in Rocky Mountain National Park. I almost lost my old horse, Rebel, back in May when he had a severe episode of colic, and this was the first time I've ridden him since then. There was a while there where I was afraid I would never get to ride him again. But he was his same old self - ready to run at a moment's notice, still able to out-pace a horse half his age and a whole foot taller!

By the time we got home we were too tired to set off any of the fireworks we bought. Saved those for the next night, in our backyard, scaring our poor horses with all the noise and sparks and smoke. The fireworks made me miss my stepdaughter though - this our first 4th of July without her. She was the one who set off all the fireworks for us last year.

The next day Blaze had a chance to show her riding skills again at the Laramie Jubilee Days Kids Horse Show. She placed 4th in her age-class in the Riders class and was so excited to get a ribbon, a tiny decorative cowboy boot, and a $2 bill (Mommy doesn't even have any $2 bills!) She did the barrel race even faster than the day before, and in front of a much larger crowd! But there were little kids out there on well-trained horses that did that barrel race just a second or two slower than the adult competitors, it is pretty amazing how handy some 5 and 6 year olds are on a horse. Blaze is already asking me when she can go to another show. We're going to have to keep on practicing!



B. also competed in the ranch rodeo event, which is another team event where they are timed on branding calves, separating and penning cattle, and trailer loading. His team placed 2nd out of 15, so he was thrilled - but he promptly went and spent the prize money on entry fees for a bunch more roping and penning events this week at the Jubilee Days rodeo. Well, maybe he'll win some more!



As for the rest of the family, Dreamer (4 years old) is always trying to do everything Blaze does, and the twins (19 months old) are busy stealing each other's toys, and making messes for me to clean up. They aren't saying many words yet, so I've been trying to read to them more, pointing to pictures and trying to get them to say "cow" and "moo" and "kitty". They are learning to the point to the pictures themselves when I say "where's the kitty?" However, Serious has also started to point her finger at me and chew me out in her own little language.

StoryCorps

Today Mom and I participated in StoryCorps (http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3LnN0b3J5Y29ycHMubmV0Lw==) which is a program that gives you 40 minutes to talk to each other in a mobile recording studio. The results is a CD we get to keep, of me asking my mother about her childhood, her school years and college years, all the places she's lived, and traveled; the most important events of her life, and advice to pass on to me and her granddaughters as a legacy. We get to keep the CD, which will no doubt become a precious family legacy just like the recording that mom made of her interviewing her own mother about her past, a year or so before she died. We also signed the release form so that our "stories" will be archived in the Library Congress as a part of America's living history. Pictures and videos and journals and letters are all an important part of our family's legacy, but this is a wonderful addition - I wish I'd found out about it earlier so I could have had time to tell others about it (all the interview times are already filled for the time that StoryCorps is in Laramie) but also I would have loved to drag B. down to interview him. He is a born storyteller and the stories of his childhood are so fascinating to me because they are so different than my own, plus he makes them so funny! When I try to write them down, I lose so much of the heart of the story. It's the same with my Dad. I've been asking him on and off to share memories of his childhood and young adulthood, and then later I try to write down as much as I remember, but it would be so nice if I could get him to agree to be recorded.

Later I had writer's group, my chapters 27-30 were critiqued. I feel as usual both motivated and frustrated. It's been over six months now since the end of November, when I wrote over 100 pages and made such encouraging progress on my book. So I went back and re-read everything I wrote last November and I'm afraid (but not surprised) that it's lost its shiny newness. The writing isn't terrible, but it isn't top quality, either. Well, it just needs some work. The work part isn't the frustrating part; the frustrating part is I'm so close to the end - probably just another 40-50 pages - but I feel like I can't finish it. First of all, there's some issues with the plot I can't quite figure out, but the biggest problem is that the plot just keeps going and going - I need to streamline it somehow. The book is at 400 pages right now and there's still the conclusion, plus quite a few gaps that I need to go back and fill in. It could easily go over 500 pages. I need to go back to outlining and see where I can trim things down again. With six months behind me, I no longer feel like I every word I wrote is sacred.

God sent me... the Mormons?

Wow, I totally missed the month of May in myspace world.

Okay: in May I got to attend a Beth Moore Bible conference (wow!), had a visit from my in-laws one week and then the next week a visit from an old college friend (and her five kids!), read the 216 page book Prince Caspian the night before going to see the movie, taught 5 days of intensive GIS classes, experienced my first tornado, adopted a kitten, cried more than I have in the past year (it was a very emotional month), said good-bye to my stepdaughter as school ended and she headed off back home, and still managed to re-write the first third of my book.
However, I spent no signfiicant amount of time in devotions or prayer and as a result I feel all strung out and stressed.

It all came to a head, I realized, when two Mormon missionaries showed up on my doorstep a couple days ago. Of course I invited them in, I love to debate with the Mormons. I don't often have a chance to thrash people with my stunning knowledge of the Bible (ha ha). However, my Bible skills have become so rusty that I was really struggling to find the Scripture I needed to refute some of their beliefs.

For instance, this pair was all about assuring me that the Latter Saints agree with the Biblical view of "it is by faith that you are saved through faith, not by works, lest any man should boast". However, we differed drastically on the extent of salvation. To me, once "you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God rasied him from the dead, you will be saved" - you are saved forever. You cannot lose that salvation because Jesus is always interceding for you, and His sacrifice not only covers all our past sins but all our present and future ones... even unconfessed ones.

The Mormons believe that if you subsequently turn away from God that you can lose your salvation. They are all about how it is man's choice. We must continually choose God, choose to obey Him, choose to turn back to Him... if we stray away from Him, he does not apparently come out like the shepherd to search for us and bring us back to the fold; we have to make our way back ourselves.

I was horrified that anyone could believe in any sort of religion that didn't promise an absolutely sure and irrevocable path to heaven! I argued, no it is God who draws us. It is His grace that saves us, and also His grace that continues to draw us when we stray away, and when we return, empowers us to live the obedient life.

Problem was, I was having a terrible time remembering the scriptures to back this up. For a few horrifying minutes I couldn't even find my Bible. I hadn't cracked it open in so long that I couldn't remember where I'd left it! I kept mumbling apologies to the two young men as I dashed up and down the stairs and peered into dusty corners in my desperate search. Once I unearthed it, I was able to find a few Scriptures to back up my belief in the security of salvation and the absolute Sovereignity of God, even over the capricious will of man.

I challenged them to study all of Romans 8 - the ultimate chapter of security that begins with "Therefore there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" and continues to "those He predestined, He also called, and those He called, He also justified, and those He justified, He also glorified" and finally ends with the crescendo "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?... no, we are more than conquerers through Him who loved us... neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is Christ Jesus our Lord."

I also remembered Hebrews 7:25 "Therefore He is able to save forever those who come to God through Him, because He always lives to intercede for them" and John 10:28 "I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand".
I even got a promise out of those guys that they'd study these verses some and come back and discuss them more with me (yet somehow managed to wiggle out of commiting to study verses from their book of Mormon).

But I also had to admit to myself that the real reason why they showed up on my doorstep wasn't so we could debate theology, but because God was showing me how much I'd neglected Him and His Word lately. Since then I have been digging back into the Word and rediscovering some more wonderful verses on security such as Ephesians 1:13-14. Also, some insight into why the Mormons might be confused about the security of salvation - might they be confusing salvation with sanctification? We are saved once and forever, but after that comes the never-ending process of santification, of being brought into obedience, of being conformed into the likeness of Christ (1 Peter 1:2, 1 Thess 4:3).

I really hope those Mormons come back.

Spring '08 family slideshow

Spring 2008 pictures

/hh189/berendsen70/2c1fd1f3.pbw" />